As I sat in quiet reflection before Mass on Saturday evening I was reading from Evening Prayer (Give Us This Day monthly prayer book) and was cut to the heart by the scripture from 1 Peter 4:8-11. “…let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining.” FAIL.

I have to admit one of the worst weeks I have ever had dealing with anger, rage, irritation, reaction to others… The circumstances may have warranted frustration, or not being satisfied with the way an event unfolded, but anger and rage? A wise person once told me anger was simply frustrated will. This week I would have to agree with that!

There I was feeling fully convicted, right before having to approach the ambo to proclaim the Word of God as lector for the Mass. The words of the Responsorial Psalm 138, literally stuck in my throat “I will give thanks to you, O Lord, with all my heart, for you have heard the words of my mouth;” I had to take a nanosecond to regroup. Give thanks that God heard all the hateful words I spewed out this week? Give thanks for the times that I said “this isn’t worth it!” (life, faith, times of intense humility after needing to ask for help).

The gospel for this week, Sunday August 27, is Matthew 16: 13-20 in which Jesus tells Peter that he will build the church upon him. Peter who messes up countless times and Peter, who Jesus knows will deny Him during His time of need. I felt some hope. “Your kindness O Lord endures forever” (Psalm 138).

Earlier in the day on Saturday I was part of a retreat on the 14th century book (letters written by an anonymous monk to a student or disciple) The Cloud of Unknowing, hosted by Abbey of the Arts, presented by award winning translator Carmen Acevedo Butcher. The book has long been considered as the source for the practice of Centering Prayer, a form of Christian contemplation. When we take the time to sit, or walk as Carmen prefers at times, to go within, to listen in silence, we will encounter “God’s unabsent being” and the “soul is helped by grace”. It was a lovely reminder to return to the practice of my breath work and silent prayerful meditation at the end of a week that was so completely in need of grace.

This morning as I was finalizing some of these thoughts to post in the blog, I also read Judith Valente’s blog for this week, Practicing the “Psychological Hygiene” of Compassion. I was delighted for the additional reminders of a way to practice letting go of anger and welcome a stance of compassion in its’ place. I would encourage you to read her blog.

“Close the doors and windows of your spirit against the onslaught of pests and foes and prayerfully seek his strength; for if you do so, he will keep you safe from them.” Anonymous/The Cloud of Unknowing

Create Joy, Deena