Category: Every day Catholic

A day to be

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred waiting, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

This is the third blog in the series that began unfolding a couple of weeks ago, Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? Today in that quest to discover and learn more about the topic I have been reminded to pause, rest and listen.

I don’t work, clean or shop on Sundays, it’s a day to pray, write, read, reflect and rest. But there are times that I even get a bit ambitious about these more laid back goals!

The heat index is going to be at a new high today for this year so far. These temps feel early for June, but then again weather hasn’t felt typical the last 2 or 3 years. It was in the 70’s already at 6:30 a.m. I felt the warmth of the breeze coming in the patio door, and the humidity starting to increase, so I thought I better water all the plants and do some trimming before the heat became excessive. But before that, I reminded myself to run downstairs to gather up some clothes drying after yesterday’s laundry. Moving too fast, I felt my knee give and a shooting pain. I hobbled down and then back up the steps, rested a bit, and then watered outdoors, frustrated that my day was going to be impacted by the pain in my knee and leg. Muscle spasms in my leg and knee pain have been a struggle since January, some days better than others. It frustrates me to be slowed down but as I have heard multiple times, if we don’t slow down and listen to our bodies, our bodies will do that for us.

So, today will be my day to slow down and rest. I am not being a willing participant in this plan, because I had a different topic in mind to write about today, another art journal reflection that I want to spend time on, and slides for a class later this month on essential oils and productivity to prepare today (Yes, the irony is not lost on me today)! The muscle relaxer that is calling my name will likely impact some of that, at least for a couple of hours, they really impact my ability to focus.

Yesterday I started a new nine day reflection series on “revival”. After the prayer and reflection, the challenge was to sit and listen, to pause for 15 minutes asking the Holy Spirit to help us see where we need and desire revival. I wasn’t in “pause” mode at that time of the day that I read it but it was the best time to respond to the challenge. Several times my mind wandered and I had to pull it back in and just “listen”. Perhaps today is my repeat lesson for not giving it the proper attention yesterday!

In talking about the midmorning pause, “the blessing hour”, Macrina Wiederkehr, in her book Seven Sacred Pauses, says that in the midst of the possibilities of a new day, we need to try to be aware of the Spirit’s abiding presence. To pause as the day is just getting started and we begin to feel productive, Macrina says, takes great trust. “When you spirit mingles with Spirit, you are transformed into a temple of God. The house of God that you are…need frequent renewal. It needs affirmation and blessing. Go deep into your temple. This is your real work place. Dwell there in silence….”

So on this holy day, Sunday, I pause to rest, my spirit and my knee, giving them both the time and attention they need.

Are you in need of a sacred pause today?

Wishing you love and peace, Deena

Photo: On a lighter note, I was reminded of my visit to Florence this Fall. It was hot and everyone took the noon break to shop or visit other spots not on the tour guide’s schedule, I opted to enjoy a refreshing aperitif in the piazza watching all the people, sights and sounds.

When the waters are muddy

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, Saints as Models & Guides, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

This week I am going to continue the topic I introduced last week; Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? Once we start asking the questions and searching for the answers we are bound to encounter the shadow side of who we are.

I am very impatient. That impatience causes frustration, fear and even anger. I want the answers now versus being content with the process of the answers unfolding. I am very sensitive and expect too much of others. Pride sneaks up on me before I can catch it and I am easily let down and disappointed when an idea is taken, I am not acknowledged for what I do, am ignored, or hurtful comments are made. As I do a daily Examen, these same vices keep coming up over and over again. Hopefully none of these are familiar to you!

But God understands says Sr. Joan Chittister. In her book, Illuminated Life, Joan says, “Contemplation is the mirror through which we come to touch the greatness of God, yes, but contemplation is also the filter through which we discern the scope of our smallness and the potential of our greatness at the same time. The contemplative looks for perfection nowhere but in God. The contemplative understands brokenness. And, most of all, the contemplative realizes that it is precisely at the point of personal need that God comes to fill up the emptiness that is us.” As we contemplate our lives and our lives in and with God, we see what and where we are lacking. She continues, “Not to know what we lack is to become our own gods”.

I often share saint quotes or images on my social media pages, or in this blog, because I draw inspiration from them. Certainly because of a desire to be more like the people they were. But also to learn where they came from and the challenges they had to overcome. It is often in acknowledging their shadow and dark sides that they made the choice to change, to learn more about who God was calling them to be.

I participated in another amazing retreat, Stretching of the Heart: A Celtic Mini-Retreat on St. Columba, this weekend with Abbey of the Arts, led by our online abbess and poet/author Christine Valter Painter, musician/songwriter and interspiritual minister Simon de Voil, and poet Kenneth Steven. The prayers, meditations, and poetry were wonderful as always and as expected. What I learned, that I had not been aware of, was that St. Columba, Columcille (his Irish name, Columba is the Latin), was the cause of a war and the death of many in Ireland. Columba kept one of the manuscripts he was illuminating for the Church, refusing to return it. Doing some additional research I have learned that there are various versions of who died, how many died and whether Columba left Ireland for the island of Iona or was banished there. Regardless, a desire to possess the manuscript and unwillingness to obey was a dark side of Columba’s story. But he went on, desiring to be a pilgrim for Christ, to found more monasteries, write over 300 books and is said to have had a main role in the conversion of Scotland to Christianity.

In social media posts in May, Bishop Robert Barron painted a description of this discovery of who we are in God that I have reflected on often since reading it. He compared the “ego-drama” to the “theo-drama”. The ego-drama is “the play that I’m writing, I’m producing, I’m directing, and I’m starring in. We see this absolutely everywhere in our culture. Freedom of choice reigns supreme: I become the person that I choose to be.” The theo-drama is the play God is writing, as we discover who we are in God and what God is calling me to be, we learn our part in the great story. Yes, we still have freedom, freedom to choose who we want to be and who we are in God.

As I continue this exploration of Who am I in God and What is God calling me to see, be and do in my life, don’t be afraid of the resistance to change you might feel, the human imperfections you find and the endless challenge to overcome them. Let’s just continue to shed light on them and keep contemplating the questions.

Out of the mud, a lotus flower emerges without dirt or blemish on the lovely petals it produces. Lotus flowers return to the murky water every evening but open their blossoms each morning with the light of the new day. Just like the lotus flower I am using for my image this week, out of a muddy waters of our lives, the murky waters of those habits and characteristics we are still working to free ourselves of, we can emerge in the light of who we are in God.

Image: A lotus flower print I purchased at a conference almost 30 years ago. It is framed and is one of the first images I see each morning.

Answering the great question

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, Every day Catholic, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

For as long as I can remember I have been interested in self growth, self knowledge, the interior life and helping others consider the same things. In high school I was interested in retail and art design, but psychology was my favorite class. One of our parish priests at the time asked me if I felt I would be helping the world if I pursued my interest in design. Maybe he saw more in me than I did or maybe that question led me to reflect on my interest in psychology. Maybe I allowed myself to be influenced by his opinion. Certainly at the time I did not have the awareness that we can help others and live our life purpose in any job or role we pursue. Regardless I began to consider social work as a field of study and my Aunt, a sister in the congregation of the Franciscans in Joliet, introduced me to the professor of social work at University of St. Francis (College at the time) and so it began.

I ended up with a double major in Psychology and Sociology, began a study of Developmental Psychology and then ultimately got a Masters in Counselor Education from Northern Illinois University. My focus was adult psychology and education and I studied the techniques of Rational Emotive Therapy. My favorite professor challenged me to look at every worry or concern, where the source of my frustration was rooted, which ultimately is our thinking, irrational thoughts, about situations. Lately his voice and teaching have been echoing in my mind again. I worked for a couple of years at a community college close to the University but helping students figure out what English or Math class to register for was galaxies away from my interest in finding purpose and meaning in life. Oh sure, there were the occasional mini classes and conversations but generally it was not fulfilling work and I was eventually enticed by the world of technology, business, travel and making more money.

During travels and especially during my time in Michigan, working for Electronic Data Systems on the General Motors account, I encountered people, teachers, thought systems and new spiritual ideologies that awakened my passion for the interior life. After five years, and a suggestion that if I wanted to move up the corporate ladder with EDS a move to Texas would be something to consider, I moved “home” to Illinois from Michigan. I opened a small business, with a storefront as a means of encountering others. Soon I was invited to teach personal development workshops at the local community college. At the same time I went through a lay ministry program, got more involved with my parish and began the three year formation process to become a Benedictine Oblate, making a promise of fidelity to the monastic life and commitment to be a “monk in the world”.

The interior questions, who am I and what is my place in the world, have been the fundamental and important questions that have been the foundation of each of those changes and decisions in life. I can’t say that I have ever felt that I have truly answered the question or been content with wherever I was in each phase of life. Recently I have noticed that there have been slight changes to the question about purpose that continue to consume my prayer and meditation.

Several quotes or classes have crossed my path this week that have given me reason to pause and ask why they are catching my attention. What am I hearing or what are they asking that tugs at my heart? I will share and explore these more in the coming weeks.

We have all seen the quotes that we are ultimately responsible for our happiness and that we have to control the things we give our time and attention to in our search for happiness. We hear that if we don’t spend time getting to know ourselves and honor what is important to us, then we will only end up listening to the opinions of others and allowing ourselves to be influenced by them. All of that is true but it feels like the focus or the goal is self-centered.

Yesterday, in my Modern Mystics monthly class, we listened to Robert Ellsberg, author and feature writer of Blessed Among Us in the monthly prayer guide, Give Us This Day, as he spoke of his friendship and written correspondence with Sr. Wendy Beckett. Sr. Wendy, fondly named the “art nun”, became well known for her books and her BBC series which was her insightful reflections on art and art history. Sr Wendy was a consecrated hermit and her preference was for her life of solitude at a Carmelite monastery in England. Some of Sr. Wendy’s thoughts that Robert shared deeply moved me. Sr. Wendy believed that we can’t plot every point in our lives, we just need to allow Jesus to come alive in our lives. We need to keep looking at God, be held by the love of God and be carried by that love. She said that we flow from God’s being, a breath he breathes.

Today I read a quote, on Facebook, from John O’Donohue, one of my favorite spiritual writers and poets, that read:

“There are no manuals for the construction of the individual you would like to become. You are the only one who can decide this and take up the lifetime of work that it demands. This is a wonderful privilege and such an exciting adventure. To grow into the person that your deepest longing desires is a great blessing. If you can find a creative harmony between your soul and your life, you will have found something infinitely precious. You may not be able to do much about the great problems of the world or to change the situation you are in, but if you can awaken the eternal beauty and light of your soul, you will bring light wherever you go. The gift of life is given to us for ourselves and also to bring peace, courage, and compassion to others.” Excerpt from Eternal Echoes.

So yes, we are the only ones who decide what life we will lead, but the difference I feel, in a life with true meaning, is that we listen to the connection to soul, we become aware of that breath that breathes us, we ask “who am I in relation to God”, what unique work have I been created to do, and we see that God uses all the situations and relationships in our lives to invite us, to trust and grow closer to God, to deeper union.

I would like to spend the next couple of blogs, or perhaps continue with this topic, exploring the great question, Who am I in God and What is God calling me to be, to see, to love in my life? This is the ultimate question in our search for meaning and happiness. This is the journey we all take.

For today I will end with one of my favorite quotes, which I have shared before, by St. Catherine of Siena, Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.

With deep love and gratitude, Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena, Siena Italy

Springing to life

On By dpavinatoIn Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

It’s been a glorious week in Illinois, even with the times of rain, wind and storm. It is feeling like Spring, maybe even late Spring with the warm 70-80 temperatures during the day this week. Everything is growing and lush around my home. The lilacs are close to full bloom, I actually prefer the deep purple they are now. My hostas and perennials are gorgeous. It’s time to start thinking and planning the annuals I will put in pots by the doors and on the patio. I purchased my favorite plant of each year, Ruellia brittoniana (Purple showers or Mexican petunias) which I hope to get in pots today. The fresh air and beautiful blossoming that is springing to life around me reminded me of special days and women that I reflected on this past week.

Last Monday was the Feast of St. Catherine of Siena, Italian mystic, lay Dominican and Doctor of the Church (one of four women Doctors of the Catholic Church). The image I included for this week is a sculpture in Siena that I saw while on pilgrimage. I love it and another statue of St. Catherine we saw because they show her passion and fierce spirit. Most paintings depict Catherine as pale and sickly. It is true she practiced excessive “holy fasting” with a diet that consisted of only water and vegetables and was considered anorexic (anorexic mirabilis or holy anorexic). But Catherine had a strong and bold spirit, bringing about unity of the papacy and convincing the pope to return to Rome after almost a century in France. My favorite quote of St. Catherine, that reflects her passion for following what she believed in is “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” Catherine did this and lived her life with her eyes on God and with Heaven as the goal of her life.

Wednesday was May 1st, May Day or Beltane, one of the cross-quarter days of the Celtic Year. May Day symbolizes Spring to me, regardless of the weather. The sweet images of children bringing May Day baskets of flowers to neighbors symbolizes, to me, our coming outdoors from winter and sharing that joy with our neighbors and friends. May Day also reminds me of St. Hildegard of Bingen. Hildegard, another Doctor of the Church, was a medieval mystic, visionary, writer, herbalist, composer and artist. Hildegard was well-aware of the images of Beltane, the Green Man and used similar language when speaking of God and Earth images as a source of wisdom and power. Hildegard criticized the church, emphasizing that the criticism came from Spirit and not from her own perceptions. But after reviewing her writings and visions, Hildegard was encouraged to write her visions down by church leaders such as the Pope and St. Bernard of Clairvaux. She spoke of the goodness of the earth and God’s “greening power” or Viriditas, verdant “greenness”, and the creative power of life. Hildegard was another woman with deep faith, listening to God’s voice but, not afraid to move outside the constraints of her time on women. She was willing to speak boldly of her belief in the truth God was revealing to her. Similar to St. Catherine, Hildegard challenges us to “Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech…you must be prepared to leap.”

In both of these women I also see their desire and commitment to, as Jesus speaks in the gospel for this Sixth Sunday of Easter, “remain in my love”. Both women, in their own way, remained true to the teachings of the Church but in sharing their wisdom, helped us see the truth of our relationship with God in an expanded way.

So I wondered what “remain in my love” means and how do I live that more fully in my life. Certainly it includes time of prayer and contemplation, listening and surrendering to the Word in the way God is calling me to live it and share my life in God with others. But it isn’t a passive love, it involves going forth, bearing fruit, and loving others. Those become the signs of remaining in God’s love.

I found a new website this morning, CatholicWomenPreach.org with a reflection on the gospel message. Meghan Larsen-Reidy shared that “love stems from a commitment.” She speaks of the commandment to form relationships and challenges us to look at whether we prioritize “the Divine and people over material possessions and appearances.” This commitment, she suggests, changes our actions, how we spend our time, money, how we care for others and for the planet.

Saints Catherine and Hildegard embody that commitment to God, to love, and to changing the world around us by the way we live the gospel invitation to remain in the love of the Divine.

My wish for all of us this week as we relish these days of Spring and new life around us are expressed in St. Hildegard’s poem, Viriditas.. I found this modern translation (fccucc.org) of Hildegard’s words, that keep to the meaning of her words but in a way easier for us to relate to.

Good people, Most royal greening verdancy,

Rooted in the sun,

You shine with radiant light, in this circle of earthly existence.

You shine so finely, it surpasses understanding.

God hugs you. You are encircled by the arms of the mystery of God.

With a grateful heart, Deena

Standing at the threshold

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Every day Catholic, sacred waiting, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

Here we are, at the threshold of Holy Week, Palm Sunday. This week, the holiest of all weeks in the church year is our final week of Lent, leading us to Easter. Just as Jesus entered the gates of Jerusalem, we stand at the gate of this special week, prepared to journey with Jesus. Regardless of how our Lent was, how well we did on our Lenten promises, we can embrace this week with intention to enter into the mysteries of Christ’s suffering and death, leading to the Resurrection, the ultimate victory over death for each of us. It is a week of beautiful and moving Church liturgies, I would encourage you to attend as many services this week as you can.

Regardless of your church affiliation, most Christian denominations have Holy Week Services. If yours does not or has not been one in the past that motivates you to want to return, find a parish or church that has an active community. Last week I visited Christ the King Parish in Moline, IL (after Mass we witnessed the baptism of Wilder, the son of my niece Maureen and her husband Ben) and the priest asked the catechumens to come forward after the homily. They had more than 20! It’s a vibrant parish community as indicated by the number of people seeking to join the Church and that parish family! It was amazing and gives me hope.

This week I began reading William Barry’s Experiencing God in the Ordinary Barry invites us to consider that we don’t have to look for God in special places, we don’t have to go somewhere (“away”, to a retreat or monastery) to experience God, God is present to us in ordinary ways and experiences. In his introduction Barry wrote that it is true that some places make it easier for us to have that experience, that some places are “thin places” (as the Irish Celts would say) for us where God is able to break through to us more easily. I would suggest that Holy Week is one of those thin places or times. As we move through each of these holy days this week, we can more tangibly experience the presence of Jesus in our lives, as we walk with him during his final hours.

I have found that many are not aware of the various services of Holy Week and what they represent. If you are, I hope there is some tidbit of information for you in this explanation.

Holy Week begins with Palm Sunday and then concludes with the Triduum, the final holy days of Lent, Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday, we walk through and with Jesus during the final days of his triumphant entry on Palm Sunday into Jerusalem, his final supper with his apostles, his arrest, torture and crucifixion, death and burial. Then on Easter, we rejoice in the Resurrection.

On “Spy Wednesday” we recall Judas betrayal of Jesus for the thirty pieces of silver. We might reflect on the many ways we have betrayed Jesus in the way we live and treat others.

Triduum begins on Holy Thursday (Maundy Thursday) as we commemorate Jesus’ washing of the apostles feet (an act representing our need to be of service to all) and his final Passover meal, the Last Supper, with them. As Catholics, we celebrate the institution of the Holy Eucharist. The altar is then stripped bare, leaving us with the starkness of the cross for Good Friday. Many parishes create an Altar of Repose, a beautiful space created with flowers and palm trees, with the Blessed Sacrament in a tabernacle. We are encouraged to visit different Altars in the community, to spend quiet time in prayer with Jesus in the garden.

For Catholics, Good Friday Service, is not a Mass but a time that we pray with the Passion of our Lord, have a Communion Service, and then venerate the cross. It is a solemn remembrance of all that Jesus suffered and endured for each of us. Because it is not a Mass and the Eucharist has been removed, we don’t kneel before the tabernacle, the Blessed Sacrament is no longer there. Holy Water is also removed until Easter Vigil, when the water is blessed again for Baptism. In the past local parishes have also had Tenebrae Services, a moving service of the psalms of lament and a slow extinguishing of candles throughout the readings. It then usually ends with a loud noise, in almost total darkness, representing the closing of the tomb that held the body of Jesus.

Holy Saturday morning is a time of silent waiting, concluding with the most beautiful service of the church year, the Mass of Easter Vigil. We light the Easter fire, burning old palms, as the new Easter candle for the year is prepared and from that new candle, representing the Light of Christ, we each light our candles to begin the Vigil Mass. In the midst of that beautiful candlelight, a deacon, cantor or priest sings the Exsultet, the Easter Proclamation, an ancient (7th or 8th century) hymn of praise. It is the most beautiful part of Easter Vigil. You may enjoy listening to this version by Glenstal Abbey in Ireland. It is during this Mass that any new members of the Church are welcomed, receive their first sacraments and join fully in the participation of the Holy Mass.

Each Holy Week, and through the Triduum services, I recall my spiritual teacher and mentor saying to me, the first time we met, to “enter the deep, dark incense filled corners of the church” and really experience the ritual and liturgy of the Church. That wise advice helped me find meaning in each of these beautiful liturgies, regardless of any feelings that I have for the church at any particular time or in reaction to any particular teaching that a more conservative priest or bishop might pronounce. We are all human and capable of sin and error, but Holy Week reminds us that Christ died for each of us. My goal is to keep paying attention, to look for God in the places that God seeks to communicate with me, to do my best to get to know this God of tender love and compassion and then make a return of love, in response to that generous love, with my life.

I hope that this Holy Week is one of deep connection with God and that you find many blessings as you are able, and choose, to participate in the beautiful liturgies of the Church. Deena

Photo: Taken during my pilgrimage to Italy in 20923, the Sancta Sanctorum is a Roman Catholic chapel entered via the Scala Sancta (Holy Stairs) of the Lateran Palace in Rome. The photo is the chapel at the top of the stairs. It is believed that the white marble stairs were brought to Rome by St. Helena and were stairs used by Jesus as he walked toward his crucifixion.

Trusting in new life

On By dpavinatoIn Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

We have been teased the past week or so with a taste of Spring. Then all of a sudden it was winter again. Today the sun is shining with a forecast of high 60 degrees tomorrow and possibly 70’s on Tuesday, before it drops to 30’s again Weds. January was brutal and February, well, was just February in Illinois. It can be exhausting. I watch my bulbs, and early Spring plants, like my Lenten Rose, starting to grow. I am ready for Spring! Later this week we will cross the threshold into March. I hope it will be a month filled with warm days of sunshine and continued growth.

We are also only entering the Second Week of Lent. Perhaps like me, you began Lent full of enthusiasm and a desire to be renewed in the desert and leave it a transformed person. The early days are easy when desire is strong. Yet, they can be challenging too because the new practices have not yet been firmly established.

Last week, for three nights, I attended a Lenten Rosary Mission at a neighboring parish, hosted by Fr. Gary Blake, with the retreat given by Fr. Lawrence Lew, from England and the Promoter General of the Rosary for the Dominicans. It was wonderful to hear the Fr. Lawrence’s message of Jesus’ sacrificial love for us, how we can learn from and model that love in our desire to serve him and to see our prayers, especially in the Rosary, contributing to all the prayers being prayed for each other and the world, as we trust in God’s providence. To pray in community was uplifting but it also took me out of my newly established Lenten routine of special daily prayers and participating in my online retreat. This weekend I reflected that I didn’t completely return to it after the retreat ended. As a matter of fact, I felt a bit disheartened about doing so.

Mark’s gospel of the Transfiguration reminds us that Jesus wanted to give Peter, James and John a glimpse of heaven, and hope to hold on to in the days ahead, days of his arrest, trial, torture and eventual death on the cross. He had just told them he was going to die, so this was his invitation to see beyond the cross. We know that aside from John and the women of the cross, they all ran and hid in fear, the vision of the Transfiguration a distant memory.

Last Spring, and the Springs before that, likely seem a distant memory to us too. But Spring will come, we are seeing signs of it in nature. So, let’s not be discouraged or tempted to give up our desired fasts or initiatives to enter more deeply in prayer. If one day isn’t so great, do not despair. Start again in the morning with an intention to do better. Today I plan to catch up on the days of my retreat I missed this week and do some journaling.

Let us hold on to that vision of new life that we will encounter at Easter. Lent isn’t about winning a trophy in an Ironman competition of accomplished feats. It’s about growing closer to God, creating more time and space to look closely at our relationship with God. It’s a time to look at the things we spend time on and value in life, considering them from a perspective of our spiritual lives. The Transfiguration gives us hope to hold on during difficult days, with the glimpse of what lies ahead. May we move through these remaining days of Lent with a steadfast spirit of faith!

Wishing you continued strength for your Lenten pilgrimage, Deena

Image: tulips in my flower bed last year

Into the desert

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, spiritual freedom, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Here we are in the first week of Lent. We hear in Mark’s brief gospel account of the time that Jesus went into the desert for forty days. It’s an account that sets us up for our forty day pilgrimage and journey into the desert of prayer, fasting and almsgiving.

“The Spirit drove Jesus out into the desert, and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among the wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him.”

During his Angelus address today, Pope Francis asked us if we retreat into the desert or try to spend some time reflecting on the disordered passions, the “wild beasts” that stir in our hearts. He said that “the angels bring us good thoughts and feelings, suggested by the Holy Spirit, while the temptations tear us apart. “

We must enter into this season of silence and prayer, during Lent, to ask these important questions. The “Ash Wednesday” days, the short week before the First Week of Lent, of my retreat with Abbey of the Arts, A Different Kind of Fast, has been a thought-provoking entry into the desert. This retreat is also the title of the latest book by Christine Valters Painter, our online abbess and retreat facilitator. We have looked at the things we consume, not just food, that don’t really nourish or satisfy us. We look, during this entire journey, at those “disordered passions”, as Pope Francis labeled them today, in order to make space to grow closer to the Beloved. We look at those activities and habits that keep us from being present and aware, keep us from experiencing greater freedom, as I discussed in last week’s blog.

During the retreat we will journey into the desert, in guided meditations, to learn from the Desert Fathers and Mothers. This week we “spent time” with Abba Arsenius, to glean wisdom on true hunger and what is enough in life. At the end of the meditation Abba Arsenius presents us with a bowl, a bowl that we can fill up with things that no longer serve us and “empty the contents into the hands of the divine.”

I have added a picture of my bowl at the bottom of this post. I actually used it two years ago, the first time I took this retreat. When Lent was over, I put the bowl, wrapped, and safely back in a box in the basement. As soon as Abba Arsenius handed me a bowl, this purple bowl came to my mind. After discussing the contents that I could fill the bowl with each week, I thanked Abba and went downstairs to retrieve it. I thought, while unwrapping it, how many items do I have wrapped or stored in cabinets to be used for a special occasion instead of enjoying them? Then thinking of my other consumption, how many craft supplies do I buy and never use? Do I feel more creative just by having them? Or am I afraid to put myself out there? How many books do I have that have not been read? Do I feel more wise as a result of them sitting on my bookshelves throughout the house (and basement!)? Or is the purchase itself filling some kind of void? Why do I allow time to be filled with less nourishing activities instead of those that bring me peace? Similarly, what foods do I eat in order to stuff down a feeling I prefer not to deal with? What is the food in life that will truly nourish?

Yesterday we took part in a creative ritual to create an altar space, a space with symbols to remind us of this season of pondering the deep questions and to help us enter into our prayer practice. Mine came together easily with items that will remind me of my quest this Lent. I have a stone cross surrounded by stones, that built a cairn during my first Abbey of the Arts retreat, Earth; Our Original Monastery. I have a purple cloth bag to represent the things I have been carrying but desire to be free of. I have beautiful prayer cards that symbolize the journey: St Catherine of Siena, a lovely card I bought in Siena this past Fall, known for her rigorous fasting on vegetables, water and the Holy Eucharist; a card with St Teresa of Avila’s prayer, Let nothing disturb you; a prayer card I picked up in Rome, of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well, “Sir, give me this water so that I might not be thirsty…”; and a prayer cards of angels. My hope is that these cards will remind me of those holy saints and angels that accompany me on this journey through Lent.

The questions of Lent are hard ones to ask and replacing them with more life-giving practices takes time. It’s a journey of a lifetime, but a good one to begin during this holy season of Lent. We can ponder the questions of Pope Francis today. What disordered passions or wild beasts consume my life and keep me from more life-giving practices? What might I be invited to let go of? Am I spending time in silence and prayer?

Are there some symbols or objects that you can place in your prayer space to invite you to this time of deeper union with God? I would love to hear what items will assist you during this Lenten pilgrimage.

I wish you great peace, freedom, and inner calm this week, Deena

Images:

The purple bowl that I was invited to bring out during my meditation with Abba Arsenius.

Desert image, as a featured image for this blog, from my PicMonkey account

A desire for freedom

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

When I began the year I decided my “word of the year” was Fortitude. One of the practices I have incorporated in each new year, inspired by many authors and retreat leaders, has been to spend time asking questions and reflecting on the predominant quality or theme I want to grow in during the new year. I feel I lack discipline in many ways, so Fortitude came to mind. However, February has been a month of transitions and new learning, so it doesn’t feel right any longer. So, what word will it be? This week Freedom keeps coming to mind.

Last week I wrote about reflecting on the grace we seek before times of prayer, reflection or meditation. I am excited to begin Lent this week. I see Lent as a time of prayer, fasting and almsgiving that allows us to search our hearts. I have several practices that I hope to incorporate and new teachings to reflect upon. I have found that each of them touch on freedom (physical, emotional and spiritual) in some way, shape or form.

Yesterday was my monthly Creative, Visual Journaling class. Lisa invited us, as she gave us prompts to journal about, to be free of what we think is possible, from what has been part of our past experience and imagine the life we wish to live. We have to start with our mindset, Lisa challenged us. We have to change our minds to think about what is possible. Lisa believes that journaling helps us navigate change and transition, it “gives our subconscious mind the problem to solve”. So I embraced the freedom to imagine the life I want – the who, what, how of a life of using my authentic gifts, boldly and with joy.

Another teaching that has been weaving its way into my daily life and practice has been the desire to live more mindfully. The practice of mindfulness helps us be in the present moment, aware of what we are feeling, setting aside the scattered and distracting thoughts of “later”, “what if”, “how will I be able to?”, “why can’t I”, “should I?”, “how could they”… I am sure you have had similar lists. These thoughts do not serve us. A better way is to be in the moment, aware of the only thing we can be sure of, the present moment. I have read and studied many authors and teachers of mindfulness, Christian and Zen, but a review of mindfulness impacted me in a new way this month.

I shared in a Facebook post this month, that some of you may have seen, that I just began the third year of a Wisdom/Mystics program. The first year was Women Mystics and last year, Celtic Wisdom and Mystics. This year we are studying Modern Mystics. On the first Saturday of February we were blessed with the teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master and Buddhist teacher, by his student Kaira Jewel Lingo. Kaira Jewel is a teacher in her own right, given authorization to teach by Thich Nhat Hanh, after spending 15 years at Plum Village living and studying with him. Kaira Jewel is an author and teaches many programs, which you can find online or on apps, like Insight Timer.

A simple practice, one of many Kaira Jewel shared with us during our class, is to set the intention (i.e. in the language of my blog last month, name the grace) to be present for yourself. During our slow breath work as part of meditation, or you could do as part of Christian Centering Prayer, is to inhale “I have arrived” and exhale “I am home”. Kaira Jewel shared that we have to first come home to ourselves, to get to the root of our own suffering and to find unity and inter-being with all other persons and species. If “suffering” seems foreign to you, simply think of it as areas we have opportunities to be more aware of, to grow and let go of.

There have been a multitude of ways that the simple practice of returning to the breath, to the home of my body and spirit, has helped me this month. Has it been perfect? No! But I am learning. I tried to be more present listening to others. Instead of thinking of something outside the moment like a “to do” list, I tried to be attentive to what a person was saying to me. I have tried to be present to my physical pain, instead of reacting in anger or fear of it. Physical therapy seemed to go better this week! I have tried to think about why I am eating what I am eating, especially when it is an attempt to stuff down some other feeling or issue I would prefer to avoid. In a moment when I found myself reacting to someone, I came home to my anger and judgement and wondered why I was reacting to their words, then tried to have compassion and understanding for the person speaking, why they might be saying what they were saying.

Again, was it perfect? No, but perfection isn’t the goal, freedom is. Freedom from worry, anxiety, anger, judgment, etc is. All of those feelings do not change the situation so why do I view them as helpful? It was as if I learned that I had left my home unattended for years, just kept the heat on but the dust accumulated.

The leper in today’s Gospel for the Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time desired to be made clean, had the faith that Jesus could do it by his act of will. At that time the man’s leprosy was viewed as an outcome of his sin. So Jesus’ act of healing brought him back into his community, it freed him. Doesn’t our sin, judgment and separation from others do the same for us? We are saying, what I want is more important than what God wants for me or how I might be here for others. Our own need and desire trumps everyone else, including God. Desiring to be made whole, desiring freedom from sin and the accumulation of dust, moves us back into community, with God and others.

Author and dear friend, Judith Valente’s Sunday blog (found on Medium and on Facebook), reflecting on Lent and looking at it in a new way, asks us to examine similar questions, “can I take a hard look at the habits I’ve acquired over the past year that don’t serve me or others well? Can I make a conscious effort to let go of them, to make a fresh start?” Again, freedom, freedom to move beyond the habits of my past with a desire to live with more awareness of and for love for self and others. These questions will be part of my daily examen during Lent!

In her weekly email, and in preparation for our Lenten Retreat, “A Different Kind of Fast”, author Christine Valters Painter discusses the Three Renunciations of theologian of the early Christian Church, John Cassian. Christine says the third renunciation was one she found most powerful, and I would agree, as I read her description of them. The third calls us to “renounce even our images of God so that we can meet God in the fullness of that divine reality beyond the boxes and limitations we create.”

This renunciation challenges me to be free to sit with, be gazed upon by the God who desires to be with me. I can be home with God exactly as I am, knowing that I am loved. I can look at the areas that I hope to grow in greater love and compassion for others. I can desire a purging of old ways with the desire to make more room for God and love of others.

So this Lent, where do you desire greater freedom? What grace do you seek for these 40 days of “retreat”, a time to free yourself of habits that prevent you from listening to and responding to God’s call in your life? May it be a time of growth and greater freedom to love and serve with our lives.

May it bring you greater peace, Deena

Photo: One of the unfinished marble pieces, never freed from the stone, of Michelangelo in Florence.

Seeds that will sprout

On By dpavinatoIn Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Uncategorized2 Comments

I’ve been thinking about the spiritual practice a lot this week. When I think of my own practice, I notice the places that need some change and some nurturing. It’s normal to adjust and change as individuals as our spiritual lives deepen and grow. It’s healthy to notice where we need to tend to them a bit more.

The spiritual practice and what it leads to, a richer inner life and ever growing closeness to God, isn’t just a certain set of actions or habits. It is how it changes and transforms us interiorly. I think it is easy to focus on the external behaviors like going to church, saying a rosary or other prayers given to us by others, to sit in prayerful meditation, kneel in reverence or take a walk in nature. But if a quiet and receptive mind and heart aren’t there, then I would guess that the interior life is stagnant or perhaps even chaotic. We might not think that it is “getting us anywhere”.

Perhaps we can imagine the spiritual practice like planting seeds. We get the seeds or tiny plant, find the right environment for it to grow with the proper sunlight and we water it. We care for it. But the growth of the plant is outside of our control, we have to wait, continue to care for it and protect it. Ultimately it is a gift. Or even better, a grace that comes from the result of all the actions we have taken.

When we bake, we gather all of our ingredients, we mix them in the appropriate proportions and place those ingredients in the proper environment, an oven at the right temperature, and hope the result is the cake, muffins or cookies we desire. For those of us that bake, we know that sometimes outside factors can influence the end result, too much humidity, old flour, etc. But, the more we use that recipe, and make sure the ingredients are the best we have to use, the more often we are successful.

It isn’t just the ingredients of the cake, or the seeds and soil, that produce the desired outcome. Oh sure, sometimes you can toss a seed and get lucky. But gardening and baking both take practice, a repetition of the right process, over and over again, of doing the work and patient waiting.

The more I use Ignatian Contemplation, or imaginative prayer, the more I see the positive impact it has on my spiritual practice. Ignatian Contemplation, very simply, is placing ourselves in the scripture or story, listening and watching what is unfolding and then imagining our role in the story, what the scripture is saying to us personally. But just like baking and planting, it takes a bit of practice, as well as an open and receptive heart, to allow the scripture to speak to us personally. We listen to what Jesus might be saying to us, in our life, right now, in response to the needs, or graces, we have presented in prayer. Sometimes it is watching and learning from what we are seeing.

This week I imagined myself in the boat with Jesus and the apostles (Mark 4: 35-41) as the storm came upon the boat suddenly, I heard Jesus say “Quiet, Be Still!” to the storm, which caused the wind to cease and the waves to calm down. I knew instantly that my practice was lacking some calm, Jesus was inviting me to quiet my mind more, less talking, more being, in silence, present to the calming presence of Jesus.

If your inner life is feeling a dull or stagnant, maybe a bit unsettled, or in need of a little shift, a simple answer is to spend more time in prayer and reflection. This week sit with the scripture from Mark’s gospel of the blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10: 46-52). Jesus responds to his calls for help, those around Bartimaeus say “Take courage, get up, he is calling you.” He goes to Jesus and Jesus says to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” Bartimaeus replies, “Master, I want to see.”

As you quiet yourself and hear Jesus say, “What do you want me to do for you?”, listen to the words that well up within you regarding your spiritual practice and relationship to Jesus. What do you say to Jesus? What does Jesus say in reply? That just might be the beginning of your next steps, the guidance you are seeking to a more fulfilling spiritual life, which will result in an inner peace that comes from growing closer to God.

Two thoughts that might help come from a great teacher of the interior life, St. Frances de Sales:

One rarely does well what one rarely does.

There is no soil so barren wherein diligent tenderness cannot produce fruit.

I wish you great peace and inner calm this week.

Deena

Image from my PicMonkey account

Advent & Christmas 2023 – O night divine

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Every day Catholic, praying for peace, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

It’s a dreary Christmas Eve morning, cloudy but the fog of yesterday and last evening has lifted. I have my Advent candles lit for the last time, all the Christmas trees and other decorations lit. The lights bring a welcome and comforting light to the drab day.

We began Advent with one candle and now the four brightly glowing candles remind us of the Light that has come into our world. We can rejoice that on this evening, over 2000 years ago, a Savior was born. The fulfillment of all the Old Testament promises, a promise of hope, came into the world and we too can live in hope. It seems quite poignant to me this year that the Holy Land is not able to celebrate Christmas and cities are filled with refugees seeking a promise of a better life. It accentuates our need for hope and peace. Let the final Advent candle, and the white Christ candle, remind us that there is a promise of Peace that we can cling to.

As we move from Advent later today, considering my time of prayer and reflection, I am always relieved that Christmas is an Octave, an eight day celebration of the birth of Jesus. If the last couple of days leading up to Christmas have been hectic and not enough quiet reflection time, you still have time after tomorrow. Spend time considering whether Advent and Christmas were all that you hoped for. If not, what can you do to change that? What grace can you pray for during the Octave of Christmas?

This year I wrote the Christmas letter for our Ignatian Ministries blog, Into The Deep. I scheduled it to post late this evening and our subscribers will receive the email and link to the blog tomorrow morning. If you have time late this evening (after 10 p.m.) or tomorrow after all the activities with family or friends settles down, I invite you to read it. We are so grateful for all that was birthed with Ignatian Ministries this year, it had lots of unexpected surprises but oh so many graces! Just like Advent is for each of us, we started with our prayers and desires, listened and discerned along the way, and said “yes” to those moments that felt like invitations from God. As in our individual lives, those “yeses” bring us to celebrate Jesus, and our relationship with him, each and every day.

I pray that the Light of the Christ Child illumines and fills your heart and home as we celebrate Christmas.

Peace, Deena

Photo: My Advent candles