Category: mindfulness

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Calming the mind

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a life of joy, Benedictine Oblate, Coming home to myself, contemplation, creative well-being, mental wellbeing, mindful breathing, mindfulness, monastic prayer, ora et labora, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, toolkit for the spirit2 Comments

Last weekend was the most delicious pause to stitch and learn from designers, and those with a presence, in the stitching world. It was filled with lots of laughs and mutual support, which I am finding to be the hallmark of the stitching community. Last September I saw a Halloween chart and decided I was going to learn to cross stitch. I had never purchased a piece of fabric or floss for stitching. I have become obsessed with my new hobby. I love learning tips and tricks, of course. But more than anything else I love hearing the journeys of stitchers and creators that I follow. The husband and wife team of Artsy Housewife, Gigi the designer, delight me with their stitching and stories. Stephanie, a competent designer and owner of Lindy Stitches (an online store for all things stitching), shared a self-deprecating video of her 10 biggest design flops this week, not to solicit support or sales, but to share her thoughts for those who might be trying their hand at designing charts. As usual, she had me laughing! I am constantly amazed at the wisdom of Jacob de Graaf, a designer from the Netherlands, who is an expert on antique samplers. His own designs are influenced by Quaker samplers and designs from the Netherlands and Scandinavia. I have selected two (what am I thinking?!) designs for my August birthday stitch and as part of a stitch along he will be leading. The list of designers, makers, and regular stitchers like me, who share their insights, journeys and projects, that I watch and learn from is endless.

But, the best part of stitching is the quiet, steady, peaceful flow state I enter each and every night as I work on projects. Other concerns, or mindless chatter, fall into the background. Each stitch becomes a tiny win for the day. They are little victories that release feel good hormones like dopamine. Knitting and crocheting do the same for those engaging in those crafts, also said to support emotional regulation and good brain chemistry. As our brains lock into the single task at hand, the brain gets focused and feels safe. I am changing and growing with each project I stitch, not only in confidence but also a sense of who I am as a person. I began learning about the neurological reactions of crafting, journaling and drawing, and the impact on our overall well-being, when I began experimenting with and studying neurographic art last year. By focusing on the process of drawing simple lines and curves, we calm down and relieve stress. This alone can help us find solutions to issues we might be dealing with.

My prayer and contemplative practice has slowed down and become more centered as well. It has become easier to quiet the mind when it is racing. I can pray as I stitch – each stitch, each breath, clear a space to listen more attentively.

Another practice I was introduced to this summer was helpful as well. As I have shared, and written, I am a Benedictine Oblate. Generally each day, besides praying the psalms, I try to read The Rule of St. Benedict, which guides our daily living in the principles of stability, mindful work, and hospitality to others (welcoming the Christ in all persons). The Rule is broken down into small nuggets, or chapters, for each day of the year. There are many excellent commentaries on The Rule, which studying as an Oblate, help us find relevance for living in the modern world.

I was gifted a version of The Rule, “Suscipe me, Domine” compiled by a men’s monastic community in Norcia, Italy. I read one of the reflections on “Unceasing Prayer in the Rule of St. Benedict” that has significantly transformed my prayer life. Many of us are familiar with the “Jesus Prayer” prayed by the Desert Fathers and early Christian monks as a way to practice continuous prayer. It is certainly a version that I could have chosen. The reflection stated that St. John Cassian, who had a significant impact on St. Benedict’s writing of The Rule, advocates one prayer, “an all-purpose invocation” that can and should be prayed by monastics at all times, as transition from personal prayer to communal prayer, for those in an abbey or monastery. Cassian’s recommended verse was “O God, come to my assistance. Lord, make haste to help me.” This is a typical verse recited, or chanted, as the opening line for specific “hours” of prayer, such as Morning and Evening Prayer, in the Liturgy of the Hours. I began using this verse at various times of the day – when I sat down to pray but didn’t want to pray standard prayers or intercessory prayers, when my mind was racing with a concern that I wanted to quiet, during weekly Adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and at 3 or 4 a.m. when I wake and sense that my mind wants to begin to spin out of control. Breathing slowly and repeating this simple prayer has been powerful! I would encourage anyone with “monkey mind” to give it a try. I’d love to hear your experience after practicing it awhile.

Lastly, finding ways to slow down and tune into our breath can be an amazingly simple practice to bring calm into your day. Whether stitching, praying a simple mantra, or sitting quietly in a chair paying attention to the breath, I am confident you will introduce more moments of peace into your day.

If you would like to learn more about breath practice, my friend Kate Brown, and her teacher, Valerie Sorrentino, will be offering a free live Zoom experience this week, Room To Breath, on Thursday, July 30th at 6 p.m. CT. You do not have to have previous breath work experience to participate. You will learn more about intentional breathing and two simple practices from Valerie’s program. I hope you will join me there! I will provide the link below (for those on social media, you may have to click the link to my website to access it).

I wish you a week that is steady, calm and full of peaceful moments, Deena

Click here for link to Room To Breathe

Today’s image: One of my 9-month patriotic stitch alongs, Remember the Ladies as part of America the Beautiful, by designer, Teresa Kogut.

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Embracing the questions

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, A life worth living, a school of God's service, Benedictine Oblate, Coming home to myself, creative well-being, Every day Catholic, hope and healing, lifelong learning, mental wellbeing, mindfulness, Personal call and vocation, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, seeing beauty around me, Seeing things in a new way, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, Trust the journey, visionary faith2 Comments

A couple of years ago while pondering the persistent question, “what am I going to do with my life”, I finally realized I should stop asking and start living. I laughed and told myself, approaching 70 years of age (not nearly as close to it as I am today), it was time to stop trying to figure that out! Maybe there isn’t an “it” to actually discern in life. Over time, and considerable contemplation, the question morphed into “what am I being called to do, right now – this year or this day?” It’s a minor shift in wording but a huge shift in perspective.

It has felt like a shift to embracing the questions, rather than struggling with them. A fiber artist that I follow shared some thoughts on her own questions and reminded me of a quote by poet, Rainer Marie Rilke, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.”

Deanne concluded her own pondering by saying that she thinks we are all “wonderers”, and that she had yet to meet someone who doesn’t ask questions of life. She said, “And we are all a wonder. And that is what life itself is. It is a wonder too. And so now nearly each day I remind myself to ‘Let the mystery be’ and to ‘Love the questions'”.

I couldn’t agree more!

In a movie, “The Gardener”, that I watched this week, the protagonist facing illness and her mortality, begins to open to beauty around her and to seeing life with new eyes. She is mesmerized by a snake that has shed its skin. She gazes on an agave type plant that only blooms once then dies. She mentions to a mysterious teacher that shows up on her journey, that she feels that death looms around her, she questions when the mortal fear stops. He responds, when you are ready for it to.

It’s easy to get caught up in the struggle and miss the mystery unfolding around us each day. If we are ready to release the grip and tight hold on the questions, then perhaps we are able to see things with curiosity instead. We can find wonder and awe in life unfolding around and for us. As I shared some thoughts on the book, The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence, last week, it seems more fitting to be present to what we are called to in each moment. That is what brings peace and contentment in life.

The image I selected for today’s post is a tile of the shell marker pilgrims see on the various Camino paths on “the way” toward Santiago de Compostela. The shell serves as a directional guide letting pilgrims know they are on the right path. For medieval pilgrims, a shell would be a purposeful tool, to drink or eat from. For those of us who follow a Christian path, a shell vessel is often used during the sacrament of baptism, to pour water on the infant or individual being baptized. It is a sign of rebirth and divine protection. I purchased this tile, as well as a sterling shell to wear on a necklace while visiting Santiago de Compostela. They both serve as good reminders to watch for “markers” and continue on “the way” each day.

Wishing you abundant peace, wonder, and awe this week. Deena

Note re the movie The Gardener: before you search for the movie directed by Dabney Day, it was a special online release this week. It was a little bit Devil Wears Prada in the beginning, Hallmark throughout but a few lovely spiritual reflections throughout.

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The practice of peace

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, A life worth living, a school of God's service, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Every day Catholic, hope and healing, lifelong learning, mindfulness, ora et labora, Our unique call, Pope Leo XIV, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Saints as Models & Guides, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journey, visionary faith1 Comment

Have you found yourself irritated with others, or with life/the world, because events weren’t turning out as you had hoped they would? Maybe it’s more than a hope, but an expectation, that circumstances should be different. We (me!) can stress and worry about situations in life, but frequently find we have little control over it. As a reaction I often retreat, inwardly, or even physically, to my inner being, and home, preferring silence and solitude. My desire is to keep a constant connection with Spirit, throughout the day, focused on the things that really matter instead of the mundane and passing concerns that can consume so much time and energy. Some days are easier than others.

I have to catch myself when the repeated tape of a conversation, or of the behavior of someone else toward me, begins to rewind over and over again. I laughed out loud this morning reading a post by personal development author, life coach, and speaker, Cheryl Richardson, as she described the thoughts going through her mind as she took a shower. She stopped herself and said “Cheryl, come back, there are too many people in this shower with you!” I replied, “Girl, I hear you!” I laughed thinking of the countless times I have been in the same situation.

I have been encouraged in my practice of being in the presence of God, more mindful of Spirit and connection, as an alternative to mindless worry over past or future events, as I have been rereading a book by Brother Lawrence from the 17th century, Practice of the Presence of God. I was encouraged to read this small book in the 1990’s, along with Abandonment to Divine Providence, written in the 18th century, by one of my parish priests. Both have been helpful books on my spiritual journey. Lately, I have been using an updated translation by Ascension Press, which has been much easier than reading the original book I have. The book has gained much popularity after Pope Leo XIV wrote an introduction to a Vatican edition of the book, indicating that this book was one of the books that has shaped his spirituality and awareness of knowing and loving God. Pope Leo has advised that the journey of practicing the presence of God, is an arduous one because we have to renounce all of the other things that seek our attention, so that we can keep our focus centered on God.

And isn’t this the goal of Christian mindfulness, and a practice of centering prayer and contemplation? We desire to turn away from the clamor and noise of the world seeking inner peace and union with the Divine.

Brother Lawrence advises that we turn away from everything that distracts from that union, so that we can be in constant conversation with God. We pause, we turn to and rest in the Divine Presence. Simple but challenging. We seek to empty ourselves of the things of the world, from anything that does not lead to God. Brother Lawrence approached all his duties and responsibilities within the Carmelite monastery in this way, as an opportunity to practice the presence of God.

Just as Brother Lawrence had his tasks to complete, so do we. Practicing the presence of God does not mean we quit work, give up enjoyable hobbies and activities, or retreat to a monastery. I do find it is easier having fewer responsibilities outside of the home, but even those activities become opportunities to serve and be aware of God’s presence as we undergo them and encounter others in the process of doing them. It brings a different perspective to our engagement in them.

While the “practice” Brother Lawrence speaks of reminds me of Ignatian spirituality, finding God in all things and seeking only those things that bring us closer to God, he did not seem to be concerned with guidance from others, except in sacramental confession, or considering consolations and desolations in spirit. He simply returned his gaze to God and to the things that would be pleasing to God, despite any suffering or distraction.

With a similar message, Pope Leo XIV, in his video message to the 50th Summer Youth Conference in Steubenville, Ohio this weekend, encouraged youth to look for peace, for “true and perfect joy”, in the love of God instead of from others, or from social media and other electronics. He pointed to the life of St. Francis, and the peace Francis found, and shared with others, that looked different, and less appealing, to others, until they encountered him. They experienced the peace that he found within, in his relationship with God and a focus on lasting joy and happiness.

I hope that as I continue to practice the presence of God, less concerned with the opinions and actions of others, I will find that same level of peace and joy experienced by Brother Lawrence, Francis, other saints and mystics, and those who have followed them. I pray that this peace is experienced by others who I encounter. It’s a lofty goal to be sure, but one worth remaining committed to.

As always, I wish you abundant peace this week, Deena

Today’s image: a small wall hanging I purchased in Assisi, Italy. Pace e Bene means “peace and all good” or “good peace”.

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Becoming who I am

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a life of joy, A life worth living, Benedictine Oblate, Coming home to myself, contemplation, creative well-being, Doing what we love, Life of purpose, lifelong learning, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journey, toolkit for the spirit, Trust the journey4 Comments

Earlier this week I listened to a vlog “The Elegant Haiku” and read the accompanying blog by Michael Kroth. In his video he said something that immediately caught my attention. I stopped the video, backed it up and played it again. I wrote it down in my journal and it’s been on my mind ever since.

Michael said: “What we practice becomes who we are.”

His feature article this week was regarding his journey, learning about and writing haiku, as a daily practice. He began in 2019 as a result of attending a workshop by poet, author, and friend of ours Judith Valente (you have seen her name here in this blog many times). It may have been about the same time that I attended a retreat given by Judith at the Monastery and was also introduced to haiku. Michael decided to make it a practice. I have tried multiple times but give up. I judge, criticize, and analyze. (Frankly it surprises me that I continue to write this blog each week.) Michael’s haiku poetry is very good. He and friends even published a book, Framing the Moment; Haiku Conversations, together after sharing their haiku with each other.

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of three lines, in a format of 5-7-5 syllables. I have seen multiple variations or adaptations but most use this format. It sounds simple but I would invite you to look outside, or at an image, and capture the essence of it, or how it makes you feel, using that format. It challenges us to find just the right words to express a feeling or insight. It calls us to slow down, choose carefully and purposefully. It is way to be present and mindful.

In one of Judith’s latest books, How to be a Contemplative (also mentioned by Michael in his blog), she shares her wisdom about slowing down in our hectic, often distracted, lives. If you are challenged to wind down at all, much less write a three-line haiku, I invite you to explore Judith’s book.

In addition to incorporating a practice, or desire to learn something, in our lives so that it becomes more closely aligned with who we are, I believe it also creates some sort of magnetic attraction to bring more of the same to us. Since reading Michael’s post I have seen and read so many compatible posts, poems, and book titles that encourage me to pursue and stay focused on the things that point me in the direction of who I am becoming and what I desire to have more of in my life.

I have a long list of things that I would love to be better at, that feel like they express who I am or who I want to be. So, I must ask myself why I am not pursuing them more enthusiastically – fear of failure, fear that I can’t ever be those things as proficiently as I want to be, that I will be judged…? If there is one gift of rapidly approaching 70 years of age, I have noticed that I am more easily gravitating toward not caring what other people think. But, there are moments. When I sense that feeling of doing something for approval, versus authentic desire, I think I have to grab myself by the shoulders and say “move on, let it go.”

Michael might be surprised to know that I have saved a little stack of his delightful pieces of mail, that he calls Haiku Drops (today’s image of the envelopes, not his poetry), since “meeting him” at a workshop with Judith. I pull them out from time to time if I need to take a peaceful pause during the day. Other times they just make me smile when I open the drawer I have them in, and see them. My point of sharing that is that our desire to learn and share something with others might be just what they need on any given day. So, if it makes you happy, continue to pursue and practice it, and share it with others!

Wishing you endless moments of being really happy with who you are, and who you are becoming, this week! Deena

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Choosing joy

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a life of joy, Coming home to myself, creative well-being, Doing what we love, mental wellbeing, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Seeing things in a new way, Teachers and Guides on the journey2 Comments

This weekend I am participating in a virtual cross-stitch event. This is my second virtual event, hosted Lindy Stitches, and I am hooked! It includes classes, talks, virtual rooms to join to stitch together and chat, and of course, a shopping area.

I began stitching last Fall, with a free Halloween chart I have never completed. But I fell in love and wanted to learn more, so I began researching, watching YouTube videos (stitching video updates are called Flosstubes), immersed myself in the language (yes, there really is a whole lingo that tells people what you are doing and what stage of the process you are in with a project) and began buying designs, and fabrics, created by more notable names in the stitching world. I have finished some small pillows and I probably have 6 current projects in process (called WIPs) at the moment and a created a whole system of organizing the paper charts that I purchased and will begin stitching one of these days. I have a daily Book of Days that journals my stitching, purchases and wish lists. I won’t begin to tell you how many downloaded PDF, digital, files I have saved! Right now there are lots of patriotic charts available for America’s Semiquincentennial, so many of us are working on those along with other projects. I think I have three started at the moment! Yes, I got passionate about stitching! Every single day includes something related to stitching.

Saturday, listening to a “meet and greet” session with Jacob de Graf, designer and owner of Modern Folk Embroidery, and an expert in a variety of quaker, traditional, period and Frisian samplers, I heard the most insightful advice that I have been reflecting on since hearing it. While Jacob offered the advice to stitchers, I thought it is was wise counsel for us as we journey through life.

Stephanie, of Lindy Stitches, asked Jacob what advice he had for stitchers. He quickly said (and will discuss further in his class on Sunday, which I am very excited about), “don’t feel bad about your stitching, you are doing fine!” His suggestion is not compare our stitching to other stitchers or to work we have seen online. He adamantly told us not to apologize for our work, for errors we make, but to be happy with what we are doing. As a new stitcher, constantly judging the speed at which I am stitching compared to others in Facebook groups that seem to produce finished projects overnight, his perspective was encouraging. He said the important thing to ask is whether we had fun stitching and whether working on our projects is bringing us joy. He concluded by saying that if anyone attempts to make us feel bad about our work, then they really aren’t our friend, so move on and keep stitching!

I can think of countless times this week I judged my efforts, not just in stitching or other creative projects, or endlessly berated myself for making a mistake, saying something I wished I hadn’t, or for not accomplishing a task the way that I think someone else has.

Stitching, drawing or journaling, making cards, or even, gardening are things that I do to relax and that bring me joy. Jacob’s sage advice reminds me to keep my focus there. Research tells us that creative projects can reduce stress (I still have to share some thoughts from my talk on neurographic art!), which is why I continue to make time for these things each day.

Why then would I diminish the benefit of those endeavors by judging my work or comparing it to others?

Society and social media brainwash us to do so, for sure. But those of us who have sought to find our personal worth and value in the things we do, or produce, have a history of that behavior to alter and replace. I think it is time to turn that thinking around. It is time to simply find joy in the creative acts we participate in each day, whether it is drawing, stitching or other needlework, arranging flowers or making a meal. Add a garnish, make it over the top even if no one sees it. Share it with friends, real friends who support you. The image I chose for today is an art journal page I created in a class last year. It has been the cover for my Creative Well-Being page on Facebook, a page to encourage others to express themselves in creative practices.

Wishing you abundant joy in all you do this week. I hope some of it will be creative! Deena

The sacred now

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a life of joy, A life worth living, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, Our unique call, Personal call and vocation, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Seeing things in a new way, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journey, Trust the journey, visionary faithLeave a comment

This week has been a week of memories yet poignant reminders to appreciate the gift of each present moment.

I visited the cemetery on Saturday to place my annual geraniums on the gravesites of my parents and grandparents. As I trimmed away the taller grasses close to the tombstones, where the caretaker had not mowed, I thought of past Mother’s Days. I wished that this weekend’s could be different. I had my silent conversations regarding all the recent family activities and updates, especially Genevieve’s (my niece Maureen’s daughter) First Communion on Sunday. My mother would be delighted to witness this special event.

Last Sunday, returning from the aromatherapy conference I attended, I learned that a woman, very dear to me, one of our daily “morning Mass ladies” and a neighborhood mom while I was growing up, suffered a massive stroke and remains in hospice care while her family waits for her to let go of her physical body (at the time of this writing, but our dear friend passed peacefully late Saturday evening). The week prior, she advised me that our routine Wednesday morning breakfast was back in place, paused during Lent and a few other activities, and asked me if I wanted to join them. I replied that I was busy getting ready for the conference and was trying to get things done before the four days of driving back and forth to the venue. She smiled and said, “Ok, next week then!”

There was no “next week” outing this week. I have asked myself over and over if that hour would have impacted my ability to be ready to go to the conference. The answer is always no, I would have gotten things done regardless.

Thursday I was shocked to hear of the death of a high school friend, losing her long battle with cancer. At one of our past reunions, in remission and positive as she always was, she honestly remarked that each day is a gift and that she doesn’t take any day for granted. I am confident she lived that way. I always enjoyed her family updates on social media, especially the joy she experienced in her grandchildren.

I am so sad for the families of each of those women, facing a Mother’s Day different than last year. I am absolutely confident that both of them will be welcomed into a life free of pain and discomfort, experiencing the Love and Light that the rest of us hope one day to dwell in. Yet in the joy of contemplating their eternal homecoming, there is sadness and loss for those left behind. For those of us who have lost our moms, we know the melancholy that dwells within as we see others celebrating. It changes with time, but it doesn’t go away.

For those of you who still have your mothers, treasure the time you have, even with the minor disagreements. You are probably more like them than you might care to think about. Be independent and be your own person, but be kind.

For those of you who are mothers, grandmothers, or stepmothers, enjoy your time with your families. Be grateful that you have another day to watch your loved ones step out into lives of their own. Whether you agree or disagree, you likely helped them gain the confidence to try new things. Be proud of that!

It seems so cliche to say that each moment is sacred and that we have to treasure the “here and now”. Some weeks it feels more true than others. I hope that we honor the memories of yesterday that we enjoyed, or learned from. I also hope we inhabit each moment of today as if it might be our last, turning our current moments into living memories.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you that are mothers, stepmothers, and grandmothers!

Until next week, wishing you abundant love and peace. Deena

Image: A canvas wall banner in the unique shop that I did social media work for last Fall and early Winter. It’s a lovely reminder to be, know and remember the strong women in our lives.

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Offline and in tune

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a life of joy, A life worth living, Coming home to myself, Doing what we love, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, lifelong learning, mental wellbeing, mindfulness, Our unique call, Personal call and vocation, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Seeing things in a new way, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journey, toolkit for the spirit, Trust the journey, visionary faith4 Comments

This weekend, as we begin this new month of May, I am on the team and participating in an aromatherapy retreat – Rooted in Wisdom, Rising in Light, hosted by my friend, Kate Brown. The speakers are skilled in their individual areas of expertise and are offering insightful and compelling insights. We are learning and experiencing many interesting new concepts and tools/processes for grounding, balancing, and raising our energy. My talk, Thursday evening, was using an experiential process of drawing neurographic art, which can help create new neural pathways to reduce stress, alter ingrained and rigid thinking, reduce stress, and promote more flexible thinking. It was entitled, Shaping your Future: Using Art and Creativity to Vision the Life You Desire. (Kate and I created a blend of Orange, Peppermint and Geranium essential oils which help with openness, clarity, harmony and heart-centeredness which we used while drawing.)

The retreat participants are staying at a lovely venue in Northern Illinois, a little over an hour north and west of my home. I opted to drive back and forth for a couple of reasons, so the days have been pretty long. As a result, I have only been online long enough to check in, create posts for the parish social media pages, Kate’s business page and read a few that pop up while I am logged in.

In all of our sessions we are talking about honoring our energy and boundaries, respecting our needs (like sleep!) and reclaiming parts of ourselves that we have have set aside while we were attending to other things and people.

As I got home Saturday evening, with a vast array of topics I could write about swirling around in my mind, I decided that taking a break this week was what I really needed.

I invite you to think about times that you keep going when what you really want to do is pause, take a break and attend to your own needs. Once you are of those situations, consider whether you could go offline, take that pause, and just tune in to your own spirit and well-being.

Take a moment, you deserve it!

Wishing you rest this week in whatever ways you need it, Deena

Image: Peace hope and love at Stronghold Retreat Center, Oregon IL

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Go sit in your cell

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, Benedictine Oblate, Coming home to myself, Daily Prayer, discernment, Lenten journey, mindfulness, Our unique call, Pause and rest, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, visionary faithLeave a comment

When asked for a word of wisdom, Abba Moses, one of the early desert fathers, told the seeker “Go sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” The journey of Lent is one of going within, engaging in disciplines that help us see, hear and respond more freely to the call of the Christ. This week I was called deeper into the desert.

After picking up the remains of my cat, Bela, on Tuesday, I felt a desire, and an inner call, to greater solitude. I needed space to process grief on many levels, not just losing Bela. I picked up some groceries, advised a couple people who needed to know that I wouldn’t be participating in “normal” activities for the remainder of the week. I turned within. I did have some text or phone conversations as needed, did some required social media posts on sites I post for, but spent the week reading, reflecting and journaling. I created a personal and private retreat in my home. Just like entering a silent retreat and questioning whether I would be able to gracefully encounter the time in silence, Wednesday morning I questioned what I was doing, I “should be…” Fortunately those temptations were met quickly and I easily fell in the rhythm of my self-created retreat.

When we set aside time and space for reflection, it’s amazing what shows up. Or perhaps, the quietude invites greater attention to the world as it always is around us, without a blur of motion, internal and external. For most of us the mind is a turbulent ocean, or sea, waves crashing and distracting us all of the time, but when the waves calm down we can see into the depth of the sea more clearly.

I was invited again this year to imagine receiving an empty clay bowl from Abba Arsenius, another of the early desert fathers, (Retreat: A Different Kind of Lent) as I had been given in the past. In the bowl we can visualize all the activities that fill up the bowl each day, distracting or addictive behavior, and then intentionally empty the bowl to create a spacious place to receive what is more life-giving.

Not everything I read or encountered was spiritual or faith reading. Most was. I also listened to a discussion by an author and life coach, Cheryl Richardson, who I followed more closely several years ago, but have been tuning into more frequently lately. She offered simple self-care wisdom during these challenging times we are experiencing. (These were offered in a quite humorous and sarcastic way, such as eat more sugar, make sure you always have your phone so you don’t miss a social media post, read every comment on them, and of course, stay up late each day!) I felt a longing for activities, or information, like that from my past. Things that were authentically me, things that inspired, shaped and formed me. Somehow they became “less spiritual”, a bogus assessment of where one is capable of experiencing God or Spirit.

I stitched – if you have stitched, crocheted, knitted or maybe even done puzzles or diamond art, you know it can become a method of quieting the mind. A stitch in, and a stitch out, can shape a slow pace for mindful breathing. It can become a way to let go, creating a framework for a quiet pause.

St John of the Cross said, which was often shared and made popular by Trappist monk, Thomas Keating, “Silence is God’s first language. Everything else is a poor translation.” In stillness we can hear what is more essential. Nothing I “heard” or read this week was an earth-shattering revelation, but I was awed, and grateful for, the insights that did form throughout the week. Like the Samaritan woman in today’s Third Sunday of Lent gospel, I have been at the well thirsting for a drink. This week, during my quiet pause, I was given a long, cool, refreshing drink.

It’s not practical for me to be able to retreat completely like that every week but I can certainly create more quiet spaces each day. I also want to continue to assess that my daily activities are done from a place of desire or service, not expectation. If any of this sounds inviting to you, perhaps you can consider some time in your day for a sacred pause to turn within and listen.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Image: my purple bowl, a visual to remind myself to fill it more consciously and lovingly with things that matter.

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Led into the desert

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, a thin veil, Coming home to myself, contemplation, discernment, hope and healing, Laudato Si, Lenten journey, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, Trust the journey, waiting and reflecting1 Comment

In life we are led to places we don’t want to go. I have struggled with a thousand questions this week, none of them with life-giving answers that help me in my grief. The desert provides a vast and stark landscape, with few distractions, so we have room for answers to emerge. I am learning that the answers will have to emerge, in their own time, they do not break through as a result of my willing it. Perhaps that is why we are given the symbolic period of 40 days in our own Lenten journeys to mirror the days that Jesus was led into the desert to pray, fast and be tempted. We need time to “rediscover what our hearts truly desire when the distractions fall away” as so beautifully stated in the opening of the Laudato Si’ reflection for the First Sunday of Lent.

What I desired for Lent was to enter a desert time to be free of the distractions that were filling my time with things other than prayer and reflection. Now the distraction of all my questions is consuming my time, impacting the desire for prayer and reflection, even more than going out for coffee would have done.

Given the temptation of changing this situation, just like a rock into a loaf of bread, I would probably say “yes”, change it. I would not be strong enough to resist the temptation. I want Lent to be different than it is.

If you are finding you have a similar mindset as you look at the distractions in your own life – wishing to change circumstances to be a person more centered in prayer and meditation, to be a person of peace and lovingkindness and more compassionate towards others, to want to give more of your time to those in need – you are not alone. I hope for each of us that the desire for these good works is in itself a grace. As also stated in the reflection by Laudato Si’, the distorted desire for the things (my add – of the world, more fleeting in nature) that are pleasing becomes a distraction, they fragment us, not free us.

This weekend in my journaling and reflection I read something written by Rainer Maria Rilke that I am trying to sit with. He invites us to “have patience with everything unresolved” in our hearts and to love the questions. “Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given now, because you would not be able to live them. The point is, to live everything.” I must have hope in that, to live with the questions so that the answers slowly emerge as part of living into them. Just as I have hoped by writing my “peaceful day” statement every day for months is a slow drip of water smoothing the jagged edges of my heart, I have hope in this guidance by Rilke.

Let each day be what it is. Lean into the questions. Hold hope that they are all part of a larger transformation taking place.

Wishing you a week of peace and hope, Deena

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Lenten solitude

On By dpavinatoIn #sacredwork, Catholic faith, contemplation, Lenten journey, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, surrender2 Comments

When I started this post last weekend I had decided that journeying to the desert, both spiritually, and physically was a way to grow closer to God. Spiritually Lent is full of images of the desert and of turning away from the temptations of the world. Physically I had decided to “stay in” during these 40 days, to not spend money on coffee or dinners out, in the hopes to clear more time and space for prayer. Never in my imagination did I think the beginning of Lent would also be an emotional journey of emptiness, exposure and piercing loneliness.

As I said goodbye to my sweet boy, Bela, yesterday, I have been in a place where the sun is scorching and there is no protection from the winds of grief as they stir up minute upon minute. There is no cover and no place to hide. The ashes this morning certainly had a different symbolism and reminder of how fleeting life can be. For some, the (almost) 18 years I have cared for Bela may not seem fleeting. For others, the grief may not be understandable for “just a pet”. But from the first moment Bela chose me and this home, he has been so much more. But that may be a story for a different day, when I can find the joy in telling it.

Preparing for Lent initially, I reflected on the Covid pandemic and how sheltering in place was like a journey to the desert. We had to leave behind our routines and stay home. We ordered judiciously, or ventured out rarely, to prevent unnecessary trips to the store or for delivery people. I helped set up our online parish evening litanies and live-streamed Masses. I attended other virtual retreats and prayer events. It became a time, for me, full of the richest spiritual blessings and graces, at a time of so much pain and fear for others. I was not blind to the difficulties for others, but as an introvert (yes, really!) I relished staying home and participating in virtual events. I had the cats for company. I had more time to contemplate life and my faith and I treasured the depth of experience that I was having.

Like the Desert Fathers and Mothers who opted out of normal activities and retreated outwardly to the desert so that they could retreat inwardly toward God, I desire the same kind of solitude during these 40 days of Lent. It’s not a complete withdrawal because I can and will attend Masses, Stations of the Cross, as well as other Lenten prayer and scripture groups in person. I will be facilitating a Lenten group discussion as we read and pray with Crux, by Ascension Press (see note below). But, what began as a desire to be more intentional in that quiet time changed dramatically yesterday. It is a different quiet time that I am receiving than what I desired. What remains though, is time for personal prayer and reflection, a space to lean into scripture searching for words of comfort, and to practice mindful breathing and being present to each moment, even if that moment is filled with grief and a call to surrender to the crashing waves of those feelings.

If you choose to be intentional about the experience of Lent, I would ask what one thing you would like to retreat from during these 40 days? Would it be possible to do that, by carving out the space for more personal time for prayer and reflection? How might you change Lent from simply focusing on the discipline of “giving something up” to a change in your relationship with the distractions of world? I would love to hear from you and how it goes for you during Lent.

Also, a word of thanks to all of you who took the time to reach out via text or to comment on my post about Bela this morning. I haven’t been able to read them yet, but just seeing the updates has brought comfort. I think I will be able to read them tomorrow, until then, I am so grateful!

Wishing you a holy Lent with time to be open and receptive to the voice of the Spirit, Deena

As a note, Crux is available on the Ascension Press app with a discounted rate of $4.99 for 90 days of access. There are daily videos with Fr. Columba Jordan, Lenten challenges, prayers and reflections.

Image: a bird that Bela and I were watching from the window on Saturday. He seemed so peaceful by himself, a fitting image for my Lenten journey.