Category: Life in the Spirit

When the waters are muddy

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, Saints as Models & Guides, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

This week I am going to continue the topic I introduced last week; Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? Once we start asking the questions and searching for the answers we are bound to encounter the shadow side of who we are.

I am very impatient. That impatience causes frustration, fear and even anger. I want the answers now versus being content with the process of the answers unfolding. I am very sensitive and expect too much of others. Pride sneaks up on me before I can catch it and I am easily let down and disappointed when an idea is taken, I am not acknowledged for what I do, am ignored, or hurtful comments are made. As I do a daily Examen, these same vices keep coming up over and over again. Hopefully none of these are familiar to you!

But God understands says Sr. Joan Chittister. In her book, Illuminated Life, Joan says, “Contemplation is the mirror through which we come to touch the greatness of God, yes, but contemplation is also the filter through which we discern the scope of our smallness and the potential of our greatness at the same time. The contemplative looks for perfection nowhere but in God. The contemplative understands brokenness. And, most of all, the contemplative realizes that it is precisely at the point of personal need that God comes to fill up the emptiness that is us.” As we contemplate our lives and our lives in and with God, we see what and where we are lacking. She continues, “Not to know what we lack is to become our own gods”.

I often share saint quotes or images on my social media pages, or in this blog, because I draw inspiration from them. Certainly because of a desire to be more like the people they were. But also to learn where they came from and the challenges they had to overcome. It is often in acknowledging their shadow and dark sides that they made the choice to change, to learn more about who God was calling them to be.

I participated in another amazing retreat, Stretching of the Heart: A Celtic Mini-Retreat on St. Columba, this weekend with Abbey of the Arts, led by our online abbess and poet/author Christine Valter Painter, musician/songwriter and interspiritual minister Simon de Voil, and poet Kenneth Steven. The prayers, meditations, and poetry were wonderful as always and as expected. What I learned, that I had not been aware of, was that St. Columba, Columcille (his Irish name, Columba is the Latin), was the cause of a war and the death of many in Ireland. Columba kept one of the manuscripts he was illuminating for the Church, refusing to return it. Doing some additional research I have learned that there are various versions of who died, how many died and whether Columba left Ireland for the island of Iona or was banished there. Regardless, a desire to possess the manuscript and unwillingness to obey was a dark side of Columba’s story. But he went on, desiring to be a pilgrim for Christ, to found more monasteries, write over 300 books and is said to have had a main role in the conversion of Scotland to Christianity.

In social media posts in May, Bishop Robert Barron painted a description of this discovery of who we are in God that I have reflected on often since reading it. He compared the “ego-drama” to the “theo-drama”. The ego-drama is “the play that I’m writing, I’m producing, I’m directing, and I’m starring in. We see this absolutely everywhere in our culture. Freedom of choice reigns supreme: I become the person that I choose to be.” The theo-drama is the play God is writing, as we discover who we are in God and what God is calling me to be, we learn our part in the great story. Yes, we still have freedom, freedom to choose who we want to be and who we are in God.

As I continue this exploration of Who am I in God and What is God calling me to see, be and do in my life, don’t be afraid of the resistance to change you might feel, the human imperfections you find and the endless challenge to overcome them. Let’s just continue to shed light on them and keep contemplating the questions.

Out of the mud, a lotus flower emerges without dirt or blemish on the lovely petals it produces. Lotus flowers return to the murky water every evening but open their blossoms each morning with the light of the new day. Just like the lotus flower I am using for my image this week, out of a muddy waters of our lives, the murky waters of those habits and characteristics we are still working to free ourselves of, we can emerge in the light of who we are in God.

Image: A lotus flower print I purchased at a conference almost 30 years ago. It is framed and is one of the first images I see each morning.

A spirit of love

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Love is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. On this Pentecost Day my prayer is that I open my heart to hold more love, joy, patience… all of the beautiful gifts of the Spirit (Read Galatians 5:16-25 one of the optional readings for Pentecost Sunday). It’s been a week that has challenged those fruits in me. I have thought about what I wanted to write all week but I wanted it to be written in a spirit of love, real love, which is “willing the good of the other”.

I read the reflection in Give Us This Day for today’s Solemnity written by Carolyn Woo, CEO/Catholic Relief Services and dean of the Mendoza College of Business at the University of Notre Dame and was especially moved by these three sentences regarding the apostles experience of Pentecost: “Their proclamation enveloped all in a spirit of love, belonging and oneness. What the people heard and understood was not just some breaking news of the day, a good chat, or rules for success. What they heard was the ‘mighty acts of God’-magnificent creation that included themselves, covenant love that is never broken, forgiveness, redemption, and ultimately reunion with God.”

So why have I been wrestling with my thoughts for today? I am having a difficult time because I want to respond to a limited view of Catholicism shared this week in a commencement address by Harrison Butker at Benedictine College and then debated widely in the news and in social media. I have seen more dissension and vitriol in social media than I can tolerate (and we still have an election coming up this November, I might have to fast from social media!). Initially I found myself responding with disdain rather than wanting to understand all that was included in the address. Once I stepped back, read the address, taking in all the reactions, positive and negative, I pondered when and how it got this bad, that every statement someone makes requires a personal rebuttal, nasty comment, sarcastic meme or hateful statement. Then gospel readings of vocal outbursts between the righteous Pharisees and Saducees came to mind. So maybe the reactions have always been there but are just more noticeable in the constant news and social media frenzy we live with.

I do not object to any person’s freedom of speech and opinion. I did wonder if the college that invited the speaker didn’t have a hidden agenda and expect the attention and backlash that it would cause. I was shocked, however, when the Benedictine Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, in their response, as the founding institution and a sponsor of the College, received so many argumentative comments to their letter. I find it interesting that people who say they are open to discussion and debate hurl condescending responses when the opinion is different than their own. Is it no longer possible to disagree and turn away?

I am thankful for the many articles written in support of the Benedictine and Christian values that I believe in. I stand in complete solidarity with the Benedictine Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica and their statement that they are “faithful members of the Catholic Church who embrace and promote the values of the Gospel, St. Benedict, and Vatican II and the teachings of Pope Francis.”

I also listened to Bishop Barron’s Sunday Sermon on YouTube this morning regarding this solemn Feast we celebrate today. Bishop Barron contemplated each of the fruits of the Holy Spirit outlined in the Galatians reading. I would highly recommend listening to it. But one comment stands out, “Love stands at the center of the Church’s life, because that’s what the Holy Spirit is.” In speaking of the fruits of the Spirit, Bishop Barron suggests to pay attention to those things in life, vocations and activities, that give rise to the fruits, and stay close to those. If they don’t, if they bring up the opposite of those, stay away.

In no way am I saying that I take Bishop’s sermon as a validation of my feelings or the “truth” regarding my reaction to the commencement address or the response by the Benedictine Sisters. That answer is for people wiser than me. What I do hear, for me, in a spirit of discernment, is to stay away from the dissension, draw close to things that bring about more love, more joy, more patience. Going back to Carolyn Woo’s quote, look for opinions that are expressed in a “spirit of love, belonging, and oneness.” That, my friends, feels like the truth of the Gospel message that we should seek and ask the Holy Spirit to bless us with.

Lastly I offer most of the Blessing for Pentecost written and shared by poet and author Jan Richardson yesterday on her Facebook page. I highly recommend you read the blessing in its entirety.

Here’s one thing

you must understand

about this blessing:

it is not

for you alone.

It is stubborn

about this.

Do not even try

to lay hold of it

if you are by yourself,

thinking you can carry it

on your own.

To bear this blessing,

you must first take yourself

to a place where everyone

does not look like you

or think like you,

a place where they do not

believe precisely as you believe,

where their thoughts

and ideas and gestures

are not exact echoes

of your own.

Bring your sorrow.

Bring your grief.

Bring your fear.

Bring your weariness,

your pain,

your disgust at how broken

the world is,

how fractured,

how fragmented

by its fighting,

its wars,

its hungers,

its penchant for power,

its ceaseless repetition

of the history it refuses

to rise above.

I will not tell you

this blessing will fix all that.

But in the place

where you have gathered,

wait.

Watch.

Listen.

Lay aside your inability

to be surprised,

your resistance to what you

do not understand…

–

Again from Galatians; “If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.”

I wish you abundant peace this week. Deena

Image: A photo from my pilgrimage to Italy. Bernini’s stained glass window “The Dove of the Holy Spirit”.

A call to pause

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journey2 Comments

As I prepared to write this, reviewing my notes and ideas, the bells rang calling those attending 10 a.m. Mass to hurry along and, then again, to mark the top of the hour. I hear the bells every day, from my parish church at the end of the block that I live on, but especially now with more windows open and time spent outside attending to my plants. They remind me of the bells at the monastery. They remind me of a call to pause and say a prayer. They remind me of some words of Sr. Joan Chittister in her book, The Monastic Heart, that were also used as part of a reflection a couple of weeks ago in our weekly email update from Sr. Joan.

Joan said, “The purpose of Benedictine bells is not to spell out the hour of the day at all; that task is left to horologists. Our bells, on the other hand, are there to wrench our attention back to what is really important in life: the memory of God in our midst. The memory of the purpose of life. The memory that time is moving on and so must we. The recognition that life today is different than yesterday, and we must not try to hold life back. The bells jog the memory that there are actually more important, more meaningful, more demanding dimensions of life than anything ordinary we can possibly be doing as they ring. The bells stop us in midflight to prod us to ask ourselves again if what we are doing is what we are really meant to be doing.”

It’s true that the bells also call us to remember the great concerns of life, such as caring for the poor and people in need, or comforting the sick or grieving. We must ask whether we aware of the concerns of our brothers and sisters in areas of the world ravaged by war, weather or persecution? But they also cause me to pause and look at what I am doing in the moment, is it important? Does it matter? Am I living my vocation in life?

This week I had several opportunities to pause and slow down, to look at my self-care, nurturing or self-compassion. My friend Kate Brown taught a workshop, “Nurture and Grow: Cultivating Self-Compassion in a Turbulent World.” We considered ways to be more compassionate to ourselves and that in doing so we build a reservoir to compassion to give to others. We discussed being more mindful vs mind full and the importance of finding a community of like-minded individuals that will support and encourage us and then we in turn for each other. We also discussed embracing our imperfections and the importance of accepting ourselves, where and who we are at this moment.

Speaking of imperfections, yesterday was my monthly creative journaling workshop and our topic was “Resistance, Joy and Self-Compassion.” Resistance and judgement in our creative endeavors is definitely the thief of joy! We experimented with drawing ovals, faces and a drawing ourselves from a selfie taken during class. Lisa encouraged us to break resistance by doing a little bit of creative art or journaling every day, to make little promises to ourselves to commit to our creativity. But it can be so hard to find and set aside the time for our own self-nurturing. Am I willing to commit to doing so?

Church, convent and monastery bells have provided this reminder to pause to countless men and women throughout the centuries. For some reason, the bells were a soothing reminder this morning of all of the women who have guided me throughout my life. When I remember my mother on this Mother’s Day, I remember a woman who worked harder than anyone I have ever met. I don’t know what she thought about self-nurturing or self-compassion, we never talked about it, at least not in those words. But I do know while she always gave of herself to others, she also knew how to relax and enjoy herself when the work was done, whether it was Saturday night dinners out with my father, their annual fishing trips to Minnesota or backyard gatherings with friends. I remember my “Noni” (Italian grandmother) and times spent with her, usually in the kitchen or the garden. I recall my aunt, a Franciscan sister, who encouraged me in ways that I didn’t realize fully at the time. The Benedictine sisters who invited me to learn more about the monastic life and community remain important witnesses to me of a life of purpose.

Pause for a few minutes today and consider the women who have influenced you in your life, whether mothers, grandmothers or nurturing women and role-models. Did they offer (or perhaps they are still alive and continue to offer) examples of self-care and compassion? Who does offer that reminder to you? Would you be willing, if you don’t regularly, to take a few minutes each day to find ways to embrace who you are and what you feel you need to live a life that supports your purpose and vision in life? Why not start now!

Wishing you abundant peace and compassion, Deena

Picture: of the bell tower at St. Mary Monastery in Rock Island, Illinois. I am an Oblate of this monastery.

Springing to life

On By dpavinatoIn Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

It’s been a glorious week in Illinois, even with the times of rain, wind and storm. It is feeling like Spring, maybe even late Spring with the warm 70-80 temperatures during the day this week. Everything is growing and lush around my home. The lilacs are close to full bloom, I actually prefer the deep purple they are now. My hostas and perennials are gorgeous. It’s time to start thinking and planning the annuals I will put in pots by the doors and on the patio. I purchased my favorite plant of each year, Ruellia brittoniana (Purple showers or Mexican petunias) which I hope to get in pots today. The fresh air and beautiful blossoming that is springing to life around me reminded me of special days and women that I reflected on this past week.

Last Monday was the Feast of St. Catherine of Siena, Italian mystic, lay Dominican and Doctor of the Church (one of four women Doctors of the Catholic Church). The image I included for this week is a sculpture in Siena that I saw while on pilgrimage. I love it and another statue of St. Catherine we saw because they show her passion and fierce spirit. Most paintings depict Catherine as pale and sickly. It is true she practiced excessive “holy fasting” with a diet that consisted of only water and vegetables and was considered anorexic (anorexic mirabilis or holy anorexic). But Catherine had a strong and bold spirit, bringing about unity of the papacy and convincing the pope to return to Rome after almost a century in France. My favorite quote of St. Catherine, that reflects her passion for following what she believed in is “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” Catherine did this and lived her life with her eyes on God and with Heaven as the goal of her life.

Wednesday was May 1st, May Day or Beltane, one of the cross-quarter days of the Celtic Year. May Day symbolizes Spring to me, regardless of the weather. The sweet images of children bringing May Day baskets of flowers to neighbors symbolizes, to me, our coming outdoors from winter and sharing that joy with our neighbors and friends. May Day also reminds me of St. Hildegard of Bingen. Hildegard, another Doctor of the Church, was a medieval mystic, visionary, writer, herbalist, composer and artist. Hildegard was well-aware of the images of Beltane, the Green Man and used similar language when speaking of God and Earth images as a source of wisdom and power. Hildegard criticized the church, emphasizing that the criticism came from Spirit and not from her own perceptions. But after reviewing her writings and visions, Hildegard was encouraged to write her visions down by church leaders such as the Pope and St. Bernard of Clairvaux. She spoke of the goodness of the earth and God’s “greening power” or Viriditas, verdant “greenness”, and the creative power of life. Hildegard was another woman with deep faith, listening to God’s voice but, not afraid to move outside the constraints of her time on women. She was willing to speak boldly of her belief in the truth God was revealing to her. Similar to St. Catherine, Hildegard challenges us to “Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech…you must be prepared to leap.”

In both of these women I also see their desire and commitment to, as Jesus speaks in the gospel for this Sixth Sunday of Easter, “remain in my love”. Both women, in their own way, remained true to the teachings of the Church but in sharing their wisdom, helped us see the truth of our relationship with God in an expanded way.

So I wondered what “remain in my love” means and how do I live that more fully in my life. Certainly it includes time of prayer and contemplation, listening and surrendering to the Word in the way God is calling me to live it and share my life in God with others. But it isn’t a passive love, it involves going forth, bearing fruit, and loving others. Those become the signs of remaining in God’s love.

I found a new website this morning, CatholicWomenPreach.org with a reflection on the gospel message. Meghan Larsen-Reidy shared that “love stems from a commitment.” She speaks of the commandment to form relationships and challenges us to look at whether we prioritize “the Divine and people over material possessions and appearances.” This commitment, she suggests, changes our actions, how we spend our time, money, how we care for others and for the planet.

Saints Catherine and Hildegard embody that commitment to God, to love, and to changing the world around us by the way we live the gospel invitation to remain in the love of the Divine.

My wish for all of us this week as we relish these days of Spring and new life around us are expressed in St. Hildegard’s poem, Viriditas.. I found this modern translation (fccucc.org) of Hildegard’s words, that keep to the meaning of her words but in a way easier for us to relate to.

Good people, Most royal greening verdancy,

Rooted in the sun,

You shine with radiant light, in this circle of earthly existence.

You shine so finely, it surpasses understanding.

God hugs you. You are encircled by the arms of the mystery of God.

With a grateful heart, Deena

Pruning the vine

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, sacred seeing, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

This weekend I am attending an aromatherapy workshop/retreat in Northern Illinois. I stepped away from the evening social to write this so that it can post in the morning when we are in our first session. I was talking to my friend Kathy and said, “I don’t think I want to write about the retreat yet, there has been too much to process and I’m not sure what I want to say yet.’ The introvert in me was tired after a full day of being with others and ready to retire, so I stepped away to the quiet of my room. I opened the gospel reading for the Fifth Sunday of Easter, and saw that it is the discourse on the Vine and the branches. I quickly changed my mind about mentioning the retreat.

Jesus tells us, as he uses the analogy of the Vine and branches, that some pruning is required in order to bear fruit. Pruning will separate away the lifeless and dead parts of the vine plant so that the healthy branches can bear fruit. The rest is gathered together and thrown into the fire. If you have ever had a garden, especially if you have grown zucchini or cucumbers, you know that the vines that grow off the main plant can easily get entangled with weeds or with other plants if not cared for. It’s important to watch as the vines or branches begin to grow and produce fruit. If those branches mingle and get wrapped up in another plant or weed, it is possible that the vines will be choked and that the plant won’t produce the fruit that we desire. Jesus tells us a branch, connected to the Vine, will bear more fruit by pruning away the things we don’t want and by caring for the plant we want to grow and produce abundant fruit. The fruit of sharing the life-giving message of Christ with the world, or at least the world that we interact with, will grow with the same attention and proper care as we need to tend our gardens. If we ignore and hope for the best, we probably won’t accomplish the desired outcome.

Meditation and reflection on the Word of God is an important part of making sure we remain connected to that Truth. As a Benedictine Oblate, that daily reflection with the Word is called Lectio Divina, which I have talked about in previous posts. It is by reading, listening and reflecting on the Word that we open our hearts and minds to hear what God has to say to us, what gifts we should use and sometimes, where we should be using those gifts.

As I returned to my room and reflected on a day full of suggestions about self-compassion, rest and mindfulness, care and releasing the negative burdens of the past to make room for a life of joy and bringing that joy and light to others, I thought yes, this too is part of the pruning. Jesus often stepped away from his disciples and others to pray and connect with God, before or after doing his work in the world. That stepping away was life-giving to him as it can be to us.

During Lent I was more intentional in talking about, and integrating in my life, time for prayer, creating a sacred space for prayer, setting aside activities that are not life-giving and making time for the things that are, entering the cave of the heart to be able to listen and discern. I have wondered all weekend why those were activities I was more intentional about during Lent have faded into the background, and have seemed to be overtaken and strangled by weeds of busyness and disordered passions.

Why is it so hard to step away, to spend a few minutes in silence and self care, in order to connect more deeply with the Source of all things? Why will we say yes to endless requests from others but say no to ourselves when we need to nourish and fill our spirit with just a few minutes that might help us listen and respond to that which is most important? When will we realize just how life-giving that time is, and that replenished and nourished, we are able to be a better vehicle of love and light in the world?

Another retreat participant and I took a few minutes after lunch to walk to Stronghold Castle here on the grounds of the Stronghold Camp and Retreat Center. We found bluebells layering the ground on both sides of the path, we listened to the waters of the Rock River just beyond the castle, and our conversation was interrupted by the loud and persistent jabbing of a woodpecker hidden in the tall trees. We allowed ourselves to be renewed by the healing energy of nature and it only took us about 15 minutes!

Take a few minutes today and try to do the same, be nourished by a walk, ponder looking out the window, take a short nap, read the gospel reading cited above regarding the Vine and the branches, and in those activities, connect to God, the source of all goodness. Find time to step away from the routine activities of your day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.

Be still and listen with hearts and ears open to hear and receive.

May you find abundant peace in your day! Deena

Image: a photo I took at Stronghold Camp and Retreat Center

The light of hope

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, sacred seeing, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. Desmond Tutu

I have been thinking about hope this week.

Easter is a season of hope. Hope at a deep level, a spiritual level. Hope is the second theological virtue, as opposed to a fruit or gift of the Holy Spirit. It allows us to trust and protects us from despair. But as with all gifts, we must accept it and make it a deliberate part of our lives.

It isn’t hope that a project turns out well or that my plants weren’t impacted by the frost last night. It isn’t hope that the weather will be nice next weekend, and that everything works out, for my friends Kate and Kathy as they host an aromatherapy retreat that I will be attending next weekend. It isn’t hope that the Chicago Cubs win again today. Although those are all great things to hope for! Perhaps they are hope at the level of a wish or a desire for a positive outcome.

Instead I think true hope is faith-filled. It is a trust in the promise of the Resurrection, that my Aunt Gina, who passed away this week, is now at peace and will be reunited with my Uncle Bill. I have hope that peace and justice ultimately triumph over violence and war. I hope that we will wake up and see what we are doing to the planet and begin to treat the earth with respect and love for the gift we have been given. I have hope in God’s love and mercy for all.

Christian author and speaker, Kate Bowler, has a new series, Words to Live By, on the Ritual – Wellbeing Practices app. I listened to her reflection on Hope a couple of times this week. I enjoy her books, her podcast and now these reflections because she looks at life as it really is, the “beautiful and terrible” of it all (Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day! Daily Meditations for the Ups, Downs and In-Between). I was captivated by a quote, by Martin Luther, that she referred to. “Hope changes the one who hopes into what is hoped for.” If we allow hope to change us, we then “lean into a possible future we can’t see yet.”

If I hope for peace, I become more peaceful in my own interactions with others. If I hope for and care for creation, then I make an attempt, in my own small way, to be more conscious of how I use resources, I recycle and buy less plastic. If I trust in God’s love and mercy for me, then I attempt to offer that love and forgiveness to others. I know I won’t do it perfectly but if I hope to see those things in the world, then I must be an active participant in bringing them about.

So I ask, as Kate did ending her reflection, ‘How well do we actively try to find hope in the world? Do we attempt to listen to its whisper and turn down the dial on fear?’

“Blessed are we when we make room for all of it.” (I also recommend Kate’s book of blessings, The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Peace to you and days filled with hope, Deena

Image: Picture of a stone mosaic I took during a visit to a monastery.

PS. Before I started writing today’s blog, I looked back at a post last year, in the season of Easter, “Hold on to hope”. If you would like to read it and reflect further on hope, click the image below.

Hold on to hope

Endless, inexhaustible mercy

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

One of the things I am learning, and appreciate, about the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola is that it begins with the premise, in the First Principle and Foundation, that God’s love for each one of us, individually, is endless and unconditional. We have unique gifts and talents, along with our deepest desires, that God wants us to realize and fulfill, to the ultimate purpose of living with God forever. A person making the Exercises is invited to spend time in this First Principle and Foundation, considering this love, before moving on to the other “weeks”. It is only then that we look at how our response to God’s love has been impacted by the sin in our lives, how to follow Jesus more closely, a consideration of Jesus’ passion and death and then the joy of the Resurrection.

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday, the Second Sunday of Easter. I enjoy the gospel of Thomas’ encounter with Jesus, Jesus’ greeting of “Peace” in a room full of his frightened apostles, men that abandoned him, and the prayers of Divine Mercy, but I think I haven’t been approaching the day quite right. I hope it makes sense as you read this.

I found a quote by Thomas Merton to reflect on while trying to look at Mercy a new way. It’s from his book “No Man is an Island”.

“But the man who is not afraid to admit everything that he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God’s love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his own illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God.”

Last week, on Holy Thursday, as I traveled to various parishes to visit their Altars of Repose, I found myself contemplating the prayer of Jesus before his arrest and the brutal treatment of sentencing and crucifixion. I prayed, “I am so sorry. Can you forgive us for how we treated you?” I instantly heard, in my mind, an answer to that prayer. “You are forgetting, I already have, that’s what Good Friday was all about.” Wow. It changed my prayers and reflections on Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter and I have been contemplating it all week.

Yesterday in the Modern Mystics class I am participating in, Fr. Ron Rolheiser gifted us with his presentation on priest, writer and theologian Henri Nouwen, “The Light of Tenderness”. During the presentation he said, speaking of Nouwen’s writing, that “the heart is stronger than our wounds”. He said that Nouwen believed that we have to live our wounds vs. think about them, we have to take them from our head to our heart and live them so they don’t destroy us. I understood this to mean, for me, that we accept and learn from our wounds instead of rationalizing them, finding people to blame for them or continuing to dwell in them.

We can do this, it occurred to me, only if we believe in that “unfailing mercy of God” that Merton spoke of. I can remain in the posture of constantly trying to understand why I did what I did, keep asking for forgiveness, for the mistakes I have made, over and over again, or I can accept that Mercy and move on. Instead of dwelling on the reason I seek Mercy, I can share the joy of experiencing that Mercy in my life. Otherwise, it seems, I haven’t truly believed in the gift of Jesus’ death and resurrection or the gift of God’s Mercy.

There is immense freedom in knowing that God knows exactly who I am and who I have been. I don’t have to pretend it was anything else. God’s mercy is inexhaustible, precisely because of God’s love and despite my failed attempts to live as a loving human person to others.

I am going to continue to spend some time with this as we celebrate the Feast of Divine Mercy. I invite you to also consider how we might accept that Mercy more fully and move on with the intention of living with more love and compassion, because that great love and mercy has been gifted to us.

Peace, Deena

Photo: Our Resurrection Window at Holy Family Church, Oglesby.

O truly blessed night

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

O truly blessed night

when things of heaven are wed to those of earth

and divine to the human

I am writing this week on Holy Saturday before the Easter Vigil at our parish. The words above are from the Exsultet, or Easter Proclamation, that is sung during the Easter Vigil. It is usually sung by the priest or a deacon, in the dark with candles lit, after lighting the new Easter Candle representing the Light of Christ, before the Liturgy of the Word. If you didn’t listen to it, or read last week’s post, I included a link to a recording of the Exsultet being sung. It is a beautiful part of Easter Vigil.

It’s been a grace-filled Triduum, the holy days of Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday, for me this year. I hope for you as well and that you had a chance to participate in and savor the beauty of these special days. And so our Lent is concluded. We now rejoice!

The difficult days of Holy Thursday and Good Friday, the betrayal of Jesus and the sorrow of Jesus’ arrest, torture and crucifixion are behind us. As in life, we go through challenging times but eventually, I hope, we see things in a new light. It doesn’t always make it easier when we are in those situations, but we trust that we will get through it, that the “Good Fridays” end and the joy of Easter will come.

I read a post, for Holy Saturday, from Conception Abbey, written by Etienne Huard, OSB: “As we reflect on Jesus in the tomb, let us embrace this period of waiting with patience and faith. Let us trust in God’s promise of new life and resurrection, knowing that even in the darkest moments, His light shines through, bringing hope and renewal to all who believe. May this Holy Saturday deepen our appreciation for the Paschal mystery and prepare our hearts to rejoice in the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

This week I included a photo of one of my favorite frescos from the Museum di San Marco in Florence, Italy painted by Fra Angelico in the rooms of the Dominican convent in the 1400’s. Mary Magdalene encounters Jesus in the garden. In her sorrow, finding the empty tomb, she pleads to know where Jesus’ body has been taken. But then he speaks to her and she sees him, she understands. She knows that the words he spoke, that he would die and rise again, have come to pass.

So on this glorious Easter Day, let us rejoice in the Light of hope that shines for each of us and keep our eyes upon that Light. Let us trust, that regardless of any situations that occur, we can hold on to the hope and peace that we have been promised. The family of poet, author and modern mystic John O’Donohue author a Facebook page of John’s writings. This week they shared a post of Easter Blessings from his book: Walking in Wonder. I was moved by this line, “We were sent to search for the light of Easter in our hearts and when we find it, we are meant to give it away generously.”

I wish you much joy on this Easter Day, as we begin our Easter journey with the Octave of Easter! Easter is 8 days long, lasting until Divine Mercy Sunday next week but the Easter season is 50 days, lasting until Pentecost. We have plenty of time to search for, and rejoice in, the light of Easter!

Peace, hope and joy during this holy Easter season, Deena

Walking behind great women

On By dpavinatoIn Daily Prayer, Doing what we love, Life in the Spirit, sacred waiting, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

Some of these blogs start with an idea and a plan and things fall nicely into place. Today my plan was disrupted by the jubilant article written by Maria Shriver in Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper, “A Woman’s Moonshot”. Maria shares the experience of joining the First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, for the State of the Union this past Thursday. She shares the story of taking her idea to bring equity to women’s health research for Alzheimer’s, rheumatoid arthritis, menopause, autoimmune diseases and much more to the First Lady last year. Women’s health research has always been underfunded. She acknowledges the First Lady for taking her request seriously and acting quickly. But the best part of her article, for me, was when Maria stated that as the First Lady raised her arm in acknowledgement of the President’s introduction of the health research initiative, she quickly reached out for Maria’s hand to raise it with hers. As Maria says, “She didn’t have to do that, but she did…”

Great women working together for a common goal, that started with an idea or dream! That’s a vision we need for Women’s History Month. If you have a dream, follow it! Don’t give up, even when the road seems bumpy and unsure. Earlier this week I sat with an idea with my journaling cards, from my Visual Journal monthly class project, and thought of all the reasons why it’s too late, will take too long, or that I am not creative enough. Maria Shriver is seeing this dream come to life at 68, granted she has a family history and life experience to walk in bigger circles and perhaps dream bigger dreams, but she follows her dream of living a “life above the noise” and empowering change-makers – “big thinkers, visionaries and visionaries” to move humanity forward. We can each do this, regardless of the size of our circle of influence.

My original plan for this blog, in honor of Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day this week, was to write a litany to the great women, Saints and saints, in my life. Sr. Joan Chittiser’s powerful Litany of Women for the Church has always been a favorite. This link is 2021, but I think this is revised. I had a much older version, perhaps published by Pax Christi, on a well loved prayer card, that I can’t seem to locate now. It calls on great women, channels of the Word, to intercede for us and model what we might become. I wanted my version to include the women in my life that have lifted me up and encourage me along with way.

Besides saying “pray for us” or “intercede for us” you might also use “model for us”, “show us the way”, “teach us”, etc. Don’t we need to pray for and be that for each other?

Who would you include in your litany?

Wishing you the support and encouragement to dream your big dreams! Deena

Image: a photo our Our Lady of Good Counsel window in the Votive Candle Chapel at the Shrine of our Lady of Guadalupe in La Crosse, WI.

Unceasing prayer

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Wednesday was “one of those days”. It feels like there have been a few of those lately. So after physical therapy and before returning to work, I stopped by the Queen of the Holy Rosary Shrine because I thought they had all day Adoration. I arrived at the Shrine and entered at the end of the Mass for the school children of Trinity Catholic. After Mass and for a brief period of Adoration for the children, they sang songs. Their angelic voices, and the incense being used, lifted my spirit. I watched them leave the church, from my place in the last pew. During that special time of prayer, Fr. Tom asked them to tell Jesus about the people they would like to pray for, to mention their concerns to him. I thought how lucky they are to have that special time each week and that they were reminded that their prayers are heard, that it is important to share them with Jesus. I took it to heart myself.

I also reflected on the fact that they were likely in church at this same time each week, their beautiful songs and prayers being lifted up while the rest of us are busy at work or home. Then I thought, this is true for more than the school children, there are monasteries or churches offering prayers at every moment throughout the world. Just as I was lifted by my chance encounter with the school Mass, I can be lifted by the prayers being said everywhere. I just have to stop, center and connect to those prayers rising like incense.

Constant prayer for the world is one of the main reasons that I discerned a life of a Benedictine Oblate when I was comparing all the various charisms of religious communities and whether I was being called to religious life in the 1990’s. I love so many aspects of each of the various spiritualities, Franciscan, Dominican, Carmelite, etc. and different parts of my personality and spiritual life could align with each. It was frankly hard to choose. Ultimately seeing the call of a monastic to perpetual prayer, by praying the seven hours of prayer, was the call that tugged at my heart and spirit the hardest. That does not mean that every monastery, or Oblate (lay associate) prays those seven hours! I knew I couldn’t live up to that ideal. In fact, most monasteries that I am aware of pray Morning (Lauds), Noon (Sext) and Night Prayer (Vespers and/or perhaps Compline), not all seven hours. But the idea that at some point in the day, my prayers, or desire to pray, would be joined with the continuous and unceasing prayers for the world, solidified my decision. Praying for the world is a lofty goal, especially when most days I get mad at the driver going too fast or too slow around me. But the goal of a monk, an Oblate and frankly all Christians, is to pray without ceasing, keep the love of God alive in our hearts and mind.

In our retreat, A Different Kind of Fast, Christine Valters Painter, reminds us to go to our interior cell, our “cave of the heart” to rest with the Beloved. In our weekly prayer with the desert elders, this week Amma Syncletica reminded us, in a quote offered by Christine, that we can be “solitary in one’s mind while living in crowd”. We don’t have to go away to a monastery or church to pray or be in the presence of the Divine. But we are invited to make the effort and be intentional about the encounter. Wednesday I needed the physical presence of the Eucharist in Adoration, today I rest in the warmth and embrace of Love in the sunshine.

As we continue on our Lenten journey, I invite you to consider the places that you feel most connected to the love of God and how you might join your prayers with all the prayers being lifted up in the world for those in need. If your prayer “list” is typically a personal list for family and friends, perhaps this week part of your Lenten observance could be to lift up all the places and people in the world that are in need of our prayers. As we heard on Ash Wednesday from the Gospel of Matthew; “when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door and pray”.

As I offer my prayers with all the prayers being said throughout the day, you will all be remembered.

Wishing you peace in and through your prayers, Deena

Image: Evening prayer during a visit to Mount St. Scholastica in Atchison, Kansas.