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Freely choose what seems good

Have you ever spent so much time weighing options, an action to take or a decision to make, that you never really take a step or make a move? “What is the better of these two choices? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I don’t have enough information to decide?” We can paralyze ourselves with indecision.

This past week was the feast day of St. Francis de Sales, a saint known for his kind and gentle spiritual direction. St. Francis de Sales is a Doctor of the Catholic Church, The Doctor of Divine Love. The title of Doctor is given to saints who are recognized for having a significant impact on theology or doctrine as a result of their work and writing/teaching. He was the spiritual director to St. Jane de Chantal, another saint I regard highly because of her courage and patience in the face of the challenges she encountered and her desire to help others, especially the poor. St. Francis de Sales reminded St. Jane, when she desired to enter a religious community after the death of her husband, that there was holiness in her daily tasks as a mother and that being faithful to the real life in front of her each day was a way to become holy. Eventually he counseled her to begin a new order of women, The Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary or The Visitation Sisters. St. Francis also had a temper and struggled with resentment, but he believed that the spiritual life is made up of mistakes we learn and grow from. For this reason, I also have a special fondness for him and his teaching.

He wrote of making decisions, especially when faced with two good options, “as S. Basil says, freely choose what seems to us good, so as not to weary our spirit, lose time, and put ourselves in danger of disquiet, scruples, and superstition. But I mean always where there is no great disproportion between the two works, and where there is no considerable circumstance on one side more than on the other.” He said that we should pray and ask for clarity from the Holy Spirit, seek the guidance of a spiritual director or one or two spiritual friends and then “devoutly, peacefully, and firmly keep and pursue it.”

We can hold ourselves back by saying that we don’t have this skill or aptitude or that someone else is better equipped with a particular gift. We can focus on the abilities of others and neglect to see the good that we can do with the talents we have been given.

Today and last Sunday, Second and Third Sunday in Ordinary Time, the second reading has been from the Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians. In this letter, St. Paul is advising the church of Corinth that the Spirit of God gives different gifts and forms of service, different parts of the body that all make up the Body of Christ. We are all given our own unique talent to serve those around us. Each of these is necessary for a healthy and thriving community. All of these gifts are valuable to the whole.

In another profound weekly article by Maria Shriver, she considers how to find peace in the world, peace after the devastation of the LA Fires and peace as we navigate change in our country. She states that the way to build something new is to build from within, “to get quiet, to truly bring our peaceful selves to the table.” “Listening, trying to understand, caring for another, loving another, bestowing grace, forgiveness, kindness, and mercy on another—that’s something each of us can do.” Simple but dramatic ways to have an impact.

I have been considering this for myself, in this new year of 2025. Beginning this Spring, I will be adding a new page to this site (or perhaps a new site), mini-courses and ways to connect with each other as I launch a new venture into the world. True To Self Living will be a journey of being our most authentic self in the world. We will use practices from various disciplines such as faith and spirituality, mindfulness, creativity and wellness to live a life that allows the full expression of who we are, a way to come home to ourselves. I believe, like Maria, that when we do this we also have a positive impact on the world.

What gifts do you have and offer to those around you? In what ways do you, or can you, serve your family and friends, making a positive impact on their day? What ways might you get quiet and bring peace and concern, a gentleness like St. Francis de Sales, to those you encounter? Let’s work together to bring peace to the world in a way that only we can.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Image: a sign I saw on the wall at Tea Room at the Depot in Mackinaw, IL.

Set the world on fire

Last week I talked about a couple of sports superstars so bear with me this week, I want to share another example. I was really moved by an interview with Dave Roberts, manager of the LA Dodgers, Friday night after their win over the San Diego Padres. I have NEVER heard such enthusiasm by a manager after a game as I did during that interview. Roberts was jubilant talking about his team and what they accomplished as he was interviewed by the Fox Sports Team. He talked about their fighting attitude and determination, their mindset, their belief in each other and how bonded they are, as a team, to meet the challenge of postseason baseball. Derek Jeter commented that Roberts’ job as a manager is to set up his team to succeed, congratulating Roberts for how he does that, but then asked him how long he was going to enjoy the win before turning his focus to the next game against the New York Mets (Sunday, October 13 at 7 p.m.). Roberts replied that he was going to finish his cigar, drink some good red wine and “enjoy the heck out of tonight” because he said, if he doesn’t enjoy the wins, “what the heck are we doing it for?” He then restated how proud he was of his team. He exuded enjoyment in what he does and the pride of managing his team. Roberts stands out to me because he has a vocation, a calling, to manage his sports team.

Exceptional people in other arenas are likely living out their career as a vocation. It is who they are and what they are meant to be doing in life. Life may not always have the level of excitement of winning a postseason baseball game in hopes of winning a World Series, but my guess is there is an inner joy and satisfaction that comes from dedicating life to the fulfillment of a dream.

One of my favorite quotes by a saint is attributed to St. Catherine of Siena, mystic and Doctor of the Church. St. Catherine said, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” When we have joy in our state in life, the tasks we do in a job, in our daily activities, support of the church or by helping other people, we set the world on fire because of the love of doing what we have been called to do.

I think some of us have a fear that if we surrender and submit to the will of God, God will ask us to do something we don’t want to do. We ponder that we might have to give up the things we love in order to serve God with our gifts and talents. There may be people called to that, to work in ministries or communities that require a total giving of self, property and serve obediently under the authority of someone else. But for most of us, I doubt that is what God is calling us to.

God has tremendous love for us and wants us to be happy. The surrender, giving up of attachments, comes when we desire pleasing God more than we desire those things we have been attached to. It is a matter of where our focus is. The things in life that we love are an expression of who we are and they are gifts from God. We just have to check the importance they have in our lives and whether they are burden, moving us away from our relationship with God.

So my question for us this week, I include myself in this pondering, is whether we are responding to a call to live our lives using the gifts and talents we have been given? Do we experience an inner joy in the work we are doing? If not, why are we holding back? What are we afraid of? How might we begin to take steps in that direction of being who God meant us to be? Set some time aside this week to ask these questions. The answers may not be obvious and might require some quiet thought, reflection and prayer. Be sure to ask God how you might live more authentically as the person God has called you to be, and listen for the response.

Wishing you abundant peace this week!

Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena that I took during my Italy pilgrimage which included a visit to Siena.

Fall into change

Last weekend I celebrated a 50 year high school reunion with friends and classmates. We had an amazing turnout, it was heartwarming to see so many return to the area for the event. The committee did an outstanding job coordinating both evenings and everyone had a good time! We laughed as we remembered past times and caught up on what was going on in our lives now. It felt like there was an easiness about who and where we are in life. It seems the adage is true, wisdom comes with age. We could relax and just be ourselves as we interacted with each other.

The reunion was the reason that I didn’t write a blog post last weekend. My routine was completely upended. I realize, the older I get, the more I enjoy my routines and familiar daily practices. However, the world didn’t fall apart because I didn’t follow my normal routine and I allowed myself to relax and enjoy a different pace for the weekend.

This morning as I sat and delighted in all of the First Day of Fall posts on social media, I reflected on change, how Fall represents a season of change for me. The Autumn Equinox, this first day of Fall, represents that half way point, astronomically, of light and darkness. I have written before about threshold times and today is one of them. We stand at a threshold of the busy seasons of spring and summer planting and harvesting and the slowing down and hibernating of late fall and winter. As things get darker we generally tend to stay in, we want to be at home and cozy. My evening activities are less frequent and by 5 p.m., especially after November’s time change, I am usually not going anywhere!

There is truth to the other popular quote shared on social media today – “The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go.” Perhaps this season of Fall can be a time to consider letting go of some habits, routines or behaviors that aren’t serving us. We can assess our desire to people please or receive honor and recognition (not unlike the apostles in today’s Gospel debating who was the greatest among them, Mark 9: 30-37). We can try to let go of worrying and fear of the future. It doesn’t change the outcome anyway, perhaps we can focus on more productive ways to plan and prepare for the days ahead.

I have a desire to create more balance between ministry work and play, allowing time to craft with all the new inks, stamps and paper I ordered for Halloween and Fall. I want to go for a ride and enjoy the changing colors of the leaves. I want to read some of the books I have purchased and haven’t opened yet.

I invite you to embrace this first day of Fall as an opportunity to allow change. What would you like to let go of? What would you like to embrace or have more time for in your life? Are there some self-imposed “have to’s” than can be replaced by “want to’s”?

Another post that I saw this morning represents my feelings about Fall – There are two seasons; Fall and Waiting for Fall. I am going to treasure Fall this year, creating more pauses to enjoy it. I hope you do too!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: A leaf from my tree that fell, last year, near the hydrangeas that were still blooming.

A tapestry of connections

This week I made plans to take a day off and have lunch with a friend. As we were planning, she said that she mentioned to her parish priest, a former paster at my hometown parish, that we were going to meet. He asked how I was and what I was doing. As I sat down to journal in the morning, I decided to write him a quick letter and send a belated birthday greeting. I summarized all that has gone on the past few months. As I drove Friday to visit with my friend, the letter fresh in my mind, I reflected on his time at my parish. He invited me to be on our parish council and be part of a diocesan committee. I was a lector then as I am now. He held adult religious education classes which I attended. So we got to know each other over his time at our parish. More importantly, I remember that he came to the hospital the Sunday afternoon my mother fell and we were waiting to move her to a larger medical facility due to a spinal injury. I also remember the conversations we would have as I gave him updates after her surgery and my daily drives back and forth, an hour each way, to the hospital each day. He encouraged me to take care of myself too. Of all the homilies he gave and lessons he taught us in class, his compassion is the thing that I remember most about him!

This week I read a poem by Becky Hemsley, titled Patchwork, from her book Talking to the Wild: The bedtime stories we never knew we needed.

Your life is like a quilt

And everybody weaves their share

Some weave huge great tapestries

And some weave tiny squares…

It can feel like all of the moments that we are living in life are ones that we decide upon and take action on. But they are influenced by so many people and events in our lives. Things as simple as a song, a smell, a voice can take us back to a time and place that had an influence on who we are today. Someone’s compassion, or lack of attention, can influence how we respond to new situations as they arise.

But every little thread

That weaves its joy and pain and fun

Has stitched a quilt together

Of the person you’ve become…

As you reflect on your life (I like the practice of doing this each day, using a process called the Examen), give thanks for the people who influenced you in a positive way. If you have the chance, thank them or simply reach out and say hello. As you assess your reactions that are less desirable, consider how and where you might have learned this reaction. Reflect on how you would prefer to respond. Ask for the grace to do better. Consider it all gift!

So I know there are squares that comfort you

And some that you dislike

But without them all you wouldn’t have

This patchwork of your life

To read Becky’s entire poem, visit her Facebook page, Becky Hemsley Poetry. It’s a beautiful poem!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: A quilt that my sister-in-law Stacie made for the grandchildren to play on when visiting. It’s a beautiful symbol of the fabric of their lives together.

Answering the great question

For as long as I can remember I have been interested in self growth, self knowledge, the interior life and helping others consider the same things. In high school I was interested in retail and art design, but psychology was my favorite class. One of our parish priests at the time asked me if I felt I would be helping the world if I pursued my interest in design. Maybe he saw more in me than I did or maybe that question led me to reflect on my interest in psychology. Maybe I allowed myself to be influenced by his opinion. Certainly at the time I did not have the awareness that we can help others and live our life purpose in any job or role we pursue. Regardless I began to consider social work as a field of study and my Aunt, a sister in the congregation of the Franciscans in Joliet, introduced me to the professor of social work at University of St. Francis (College at the time) and so it began.

I ended up with a double major in Psychology and Sociology, began a study of Developmental Psychology and then ultimately got a Masters in Counselor Education from Northern Illinois University. My focus was adult psychology and education and I studied the techniques of Rational Emotive Therapy. My favorite professor challenged me to look at every worry or concern, where the source of my frustration was rooted, which ultimately is our thinking, irrational thoughts, about situations. Lately his voice and teaching have been echoing in my mind again. I worked for a couple of years at a community college close to the University but helping students figure out what English or Math class to register for was galaxies away from my interest in finding purpose and meaning in life. Oh sure, there were the occasional mini classes and conversations but generally it was not fulfilling work and I was eventually enticed by the world of technology, business, travel and making more money.

During travels and especially during my time in Michigan, working for Electronic Data Systems on the General Motors account, I encountered people, teachers, thought systems and new spiritual ideologies that awakened my passion for the interior life. After five years, and a suggestion that if I wanted to move up the corporate ladder with EDS a move to Texas would be something to consider, I moved “home” to Illinois from Michigan. I opened a small business, with a storefront as a means of encountering others. Soon I was invited to teach personal development workshops at the local community college. At the same time I went through a lay ministry program, got more involved with my parish and began the three year formation process to become a Benedictine Oblate, making a promise of fidelity to the monastic life and commitment to be a “monk in the world”.

The interior questions, who am I and what is my place in the world, have been the fundamental and important questions that have been the foundation of each of those changes and decisions in life. I can’t say that I have ever felt that I have truly answered the question or been content with wherever I was in each phase of life. Recently I have noticed that there have been slight changes to the question about purpose that continue to consume my prayer and meditation.

Several quotes or classes have crossed my path this week that have given me reason to pause and ask why they are catching my attention. What am I hearing or what are they asking that tugs at my heart? I will share and explore these more in the coming weeks.

We have all seen the quotes that we are ultimately responsible for our happiness and that we have to control the things we give our time and attention to in our search for happiness. We hear that if we don’t spend time getting to know ourselves and honor what is important to us, then we will only end up listening to the opinions of others and allowing ourselves to be influenced by them. All of that is true but it feels like the focus or the goal is self-centered.

Yesterday, in my Modern Mystics monthly class, we listened to Robert Ellsberg, author and feature writer of Blessed Among Us in the monthly prayer guide, Give Us This Day, as he spoke of his friendship and written correspondence with Sr. Wendy Beckett. Sr. Wendy, fondly named the “art nun”, became well known for her books and her BBC series which was her insightful reflections on art and art history. Sr Wendy was a consecrated hermit and her preference was for her life of solitude at a Carmelite monastery in England. Some of Sr. Wendy’s thoughts that Robert shared deeply moved me. Sr. Wendy believed that we can’t plot every point in our lives, we just need to allow Jesus to come alive in our lives. We need to keep looking at God, be held by the love of God and be carried by that love. She said that we flow from God’s being, a breath he breathes.

Today I read a quote, on Facebook, from John O’Donohue, one of my favorite spiritual writers and poets, that read:

“There are no manuals for the construction of the individual you would like to become. You are the only one who can decide this and take up the lifetime of work that it demands. This is a wonderful privilege and such an exciting adventure. To grow into the person that your deepest longing desires is a great blessing. If you can find a creative harmony between your soul and your life, you will have found something infinitely precious. You may not be able to do much about the great problems of the world or to change the situation you are in, but if you can awaken the eternal beauty and light of your soul, you will bring light wherever you go. The gift of life is given to us for ourselves and also to bring peace, courage, and compassion to others.” Excerpt from Eternal Echoes.

So yes, we are the only ones who decide what life we will lead, but the difference I feel, in a life with true meaning, is that we listen to the connection to soul, we become aware of that breath that breathes us, we ask “who am I in relation to God”, what unique work have I been created to do, and we see that God uses all the situations and relationships in our lives to invite us, to trust and grow closer to God, to deeper union.

I would like to spend the next couple of blogs, or perhaps continue with this topic, exploring the great question, Who am I in God and What is God calling me to be, to see, to love in my life? This is the ultimate question in our search for meaning and happiness. This is the journey we all take.

For today I will end with one of my favorite quotes, which I have shared before, by St. Catherine of Siena, Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.

With deep love and gratitude, Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena, Siena Italy

A journey with wild geese

Two of my favorite signs of Spring and a new season of growth are the little baby corn sprouts as they begin to emerge in the fields and the two geese and their goslings that appear every year by the retention pond and grass near a local grocery store. Both just make my heart sing; winter is over and Spring is on the way!

In April, our assignment for the monthly visual journal class I am taking, was to determine an animal we wished to draw and research symbolism for the animal. Geese quickly came to mind because I had been checking the pond with each trip to the grocery store, anxiously awaiting the arrival of this year’s family. I researched symbolism for geese and found it quite interesting. Geese represent family, teamwork, loyalty. They are resilient, adaptable, and are determined to weather life’s changes with grace. As a totem they might represent that it may be time to take flight and begin a new journey. Birds in general represent messengers, in Native American and many spiritualities, or that there is a message to pay attention to or watch for. In Christian spirituality they represent Spirit. I learned this week, in a blog I will mention in a bit, that in Celtic Spirituality the goose, rather than a dove, represents the Holy Spirit. In this form, the goose is loud and demands our attention.

Part of my decision was also influenced by one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver, Wild Geese. especially with the lines as the poem ends, “the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting – over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” (Written and published in 1986 in her book Dream Work). So with the decision made I found an image to model and prepared for our workshop. The intention for the class was to practice drawing images and then in the “journal” page let our hearts, and creative tools like pens or watercolors, express what the animal is saying to us. I have included, below in this post, the image I selected on Facebook, from a Mary Oliver poetry group, to model and my initial pencil drawings. The journal page is a work in progress.

In May some additional things happened that remind me that the wild geese are still calling for my attention. Last week, on Pentecost Sunday, I attended a virtual retreat by my friend Judith Valente titled “The Spirituality of the Poetry of Mary Oliver”. It was my second time attending this presentation by Judy but there were new insights and treasures as I expected. It was a delight to listen to Mary Oliver read her poem, Wild Geese, in one of the video clips Judy shared. In Oliver’s poetry, Judith reminded us there is a similarity to monastic practice and a consistent theme to be reverently being aware, to pay attention and to be astonished. In all her work, Judith said, there is a wake up call to reflect on who or what is calling us to live joyfully.

Then this week I received the monthly email from Mary DeTurris Poust, with the blog title “Welcoming the Wild Goose”. Mary shared a recent experience giving a retreat in Maryland in which she felt like she was living inside the Mary Oliver poem I mentioned above, “in which the ‘world calls to you like the wild geese — harsh and exciting.'” The honking and distraction of the geese during the entire retreat offered, to Mary, an analogy of Spirit in our lives. She said we often wait for the quiet whisper of Spirit and don’t want the incessant, unrelenting and loud voice of the Holy Spirit calling us to something new. Reflecting on Pentecost, Mary DeTurris Poust asked: “How often do we do just that, push away the loud and insistent call of the Holy Spirit because we don’t like the message or the delivery?” Can we be open to Spirit no matter how we are called? Can we listen and respond even if the message might be asking us to consider something new in our lives? Both Judith’s retreat and Mary’s blog provide additional considerations for my journal page. I begin this journey of bringing May to a close with great questions to ponder regarding how the Spirit might be calling me this summer and beyond.

How do you hear Spirit calling out to you and inviting you to something more?

It doesn’t take long for the corn in the fields around me to establish itself and emerge as long lanky stalks or the goslings to lose their baby cuteness and look more like their “mom and dad”. My spirit loses a bit joy of watching the transition of both as Spring dwindles and Summer begins. While I found the symbolism of the wild geese interesting, I also found it quite telling for this phase I seem to be going through with an intense calling to be seeking something more and find my place in the world. Rather than lose the internal fire for new growth, when life seems to be stagnant or difficult, I can try to be more aware and look for reminders to live life more joyfully.

So, this Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start of summer, I am grateful to Judith Valente, Mary DeTurris Poust, Mary Oliver and the Wild Geese reminders in my life, to let myself “love what it loves” and continue to look for my place in the “family of things”.

Blog Photo: The geese and their gosling family a couple of years ago

Additional photos below from my Visual Journal pages:

Pruning the vine

This weekend I am attending an aromatherapy workshop/retreat in Northern Illinois. I stepped away from the evening social to write this so that it can post in the morning when we are in our first session. I was talking to my friend Kathy and said, “I don’t think I want to write about the retreat yet, there has been too much to process and I’m not sure what I want to say yet.’ The introvert in me was tired after a full day of being with others and ready to retire, so I stepped away to the quiet of my room. I opened the gospel reading for the Fifth Sunday of Easter, and saw that it is the discourse on the Vine and the branches. I quickly changed my mind about mentioning the retreat.

Jesus tells us, as he uses the analogy of the Vine and branches, that some pruning is required in order to bear fruit. Pruning will separate away the lifeless and dead parts of the vine plant so that the healthy branches can bear fruit. The rest is gathered together and thrown into the fire. If you have ever had a garden, especially if you have grown zucchini or cucumbers, you know that the vines that grow off the main plant can easily get entangled with weeds or with other plants if not cared for. It’s important to watch as the vines or branches begin to grow and produce fruit. If those branches mingle and get wrapped up in another plant or weed, it is possible that the vines will be choked and that the plant won’t produce the fruit that we desire. Jesus tells us a branch, connected to the Vine, will bear more fruit by pruning away the things we don’t want and by caring for the plant we want to grow and produce abundant fruit. The fruit of sharing the life-giving message of Christ with the world, or at least the world that we interact with, will grow with the same attention and proper care as we need to tend our gardens. If we ignore and hope for the best, we probably won’t accomplish the desired outcome.

Meditation and reflection on the Word of God is an important part of making sure we remain connected to that Truth. As a Benedictine Oblate, that daily reflection with the Word is called Lectio Divina, which I have talked about in previous posts. It is by reading, listening and reflecting on the Word that we open our hearts and minds to hear what God has to say to us, what gifts we should use and sometimes, where we should be using those gifts.

As I returned to my room and reflected on a day full of suggestions about self-compassion, rest and mindfulness, care and releasing the negative burdens of the past to make room for a life of joy and bringing that joy and light to others, I thought yes, this too is part of the pruning. Jesus often stepped away from his disciples and others to pray and connect with God, before or after doing his work in the world. That stepping away was life-giving to him as it can be to us.

During Lent I was more intentional in talking about, and integrating in my life, time for prayer, creating a sacred space for prayer, setting aside activities that are not life-giving and making time for the things that are, entering the cave of the heart to be able to listen and discern. I have wondered all weekend why those were activities I was more intentional about during Lent have faded into the background, and have seemed to be overtaken and strangled by weeds of busyness and disordered passions.

Why is it so hard to step away, to spend a few minutes in silence and self care, in order to connect more deeply with the Source of all things? Why will we say yes to endless requests from others but say no to ourselves when we need to nourish and fill our spirit with just a few minutes that might help us listen and respond to that which is most important? When will we realize just how life-giving that time is, and that replenished and nourished, we are able to be a better vehicle of love and light in the world?

Another retreat participant and I took a few minutes after lunch to walk to Stronghold Castle here on the grounds of the Stronghold Camp and Retreat Center. We found bluebells layering the ground on both sides of the path, we listened to the waters of the Rock River just beyond the castle, and our conversation was interrupted by the loud and persistent jabbing of a woodpecker hidden in the tall trees. We allowed ourselves to be renewed by the healing energy of nature and it only took us about 15 minutes!

Take a few minutes today and try to do the same, be nourished by a walk, ponder looking out the window, take a short nap, read the gospel reading cited above regarding the Vine and the branches, and in those activities, connect to God, the source of all goodness. Find time to step away from the routine activities of your day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.

Be still and listen with hearts and ears open to hear and receive.

May you find abundant peace in your day! Deena

Image: a photo I took at Stronghold Camp and Retreat Center