Category: spiritual freedom

Confusing times

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, surrender, surrender novenaLeave a comment

Christmas in July for sales and TV Hallmark movies, Halloween in September and then Christmas sales bulldoze over Thanksgiving. I haven’t decorated for Christmas yet. Actually Thanksgiving decor, now that Halloween has been taken down, to mix in with other Fall items, are still in the tub on the floor. That’s a task for Monday. But I opened an email this weekend from a crafting company I follow to find a sale on Valentine’s Day stamps and paper. I understand that companies want us to have what we need when we are ready to mentally prepare for, shop or decorate, and begin planning for a holiday. When I was more active with my stamping business I knew you had to order new items early so that you could share them with others, so they had time to order and use them. I get it!

Yesterday my friend, Kathy, and I took a drive to check out a bakery I have wanted to visit (the seasonal task of finding the perfect Potica has begun!) and then visited a nursery and another local shop to browse Christmas decorations. I am not ready to put decorations up until after Thanksgiving but I love getting ideas and smelling the smells of greens, candles and coffee. I can get excited just like, maybe even more, than the next person!

But Valentine’s Day before we even reach December 1. I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous!

We are also in a confusing time of transition with the government. Half of our country voted for change, a few dollars in the wallet, but at what cost? I am concerned that we have lost a deep respect for the dignity and rights of all people and for our constitution. Will we really see a protection of the lives of the unborn as promised but only to exclude the protection of those seeking safety, a better future for themselves and their families? I don’t know the answers. I do know I can’t watch the news to find out, it’s too disturbing to my inner peace. Instead I pray and hope. As a Benedictine Oblate, I keep the words of St. Benedict close to my heart and strive to welcome Christ in all others, regardless of our differences and opinions.

Personally I am in a season of change and transition too, leaving a ministry team I was part of for the past three years. What lies ahead? I’m not sure. I’m excited but if I get too far ahead of myself, like Valentine’s Day in November, I get stressed out. To prepare myself, I began praying a Surrender Novena last week, so that I could end it on the transition day, November 19, from this life to the next, of Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo, the author of the novena. It reminds me daily that we worry about things we can’t control, we allow ourselves to get agitated and fret, focused on the transitory aspects of life. Of course we do what we can do with what we have, we live our lives as best we can. But, the way to peace is to surrender and trust in God.

This weekend, the week before the Solemnity of Christ the King, and two weeks from the First Sunday of Advent, beginning a new liturgical year, we are reminded that none of this lasts. Jesus says, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.” (Mark 13: 24-32) So we live in the world but are not of it. We enjoy the blessings we have been given and the beauty of this earth, realizing that none of it really belongs of us. If I don’t wake up tomorrow, all that I have will not change that. None of it goes with me. We use our gifts and talents so that we have more joy, discover and fulfill the purpose we have been given, but we use those gifts knowing we are meant to serve with them, to serve God and to serve others. These final Sundays of the liturgical year remind us to be watchful and alert, and to put our attention on the things that last.

As we move through the rest of November I invite us all to be aware of the gifts we have been given, the blessings of good friends and family. Celebrate those at Thanksgiving! Then enter into the Advent season, quietly preparing your heart to recall the gift of the Incarnation, God becoming one with us. Try to find moments to pause and reflect on scripture or Advent chants and carols. It truly makes the celebration of Christmas and the New Year, the Solemnity of Mary, more meaningful and joyful.

Take it slow, one day at a time, breathe and pause to give thanks, or ask for the grace to remain calm, despite all the preparations and crazy pace of the season. The simple act of giving thanks each evening, whether in a journal or as part of your evening prayer, heightens your awareness of the gift that life is and the people who walk with you through it. Let us be intentional as we move through these remaining day of 2024 about being at peace, enjoying each day we have been given and celebrating all we have. Things will never be perfect in our lives or in the world, so let us turn back to God, like the healed leper that returned to Jesus to give praise and thanks, knowing that it is all gift anyway.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Enjoy a moment of calm with a natural fountain at the Nicholas Conservatory and Gardens. Let it be a reminder to “go with the flow”.

Despair can turn to hope

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, hope and healing, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

During my mother’s hospital stay, after falling and needing neck/spinal cord surgery then rehab, she mentioned a lump on her neck which the biopsy indicated was cancer. We left the hospital on Saturday with an appointment to meet with a doctor and discuss cancer treatment the following Monday. I was so fortunate that I worked from home and for two amazing women, Brigid and Trish, who understood that sometimes I would be working from the cancer center and that there might be interruptions during the day to care for my mom. I couldn’t have had a better situation at that time, the flexibility so helpful for her two-year battle and the care it required.

After she died I was in a deep despair. I went through the motions of work and the holidays. My mother lived with me, so everything in this house reminded me of her. I would get up from my desk and look toward her chair or the dining room table, as if still checking on her to see how she was doing.

The following January we had an organizational change at work and I was asked to meet with the new director of our department and discuss a supervisor role for the support team for our department that were working in a local customer service center. I met with him, instantly liked him, and he asked me to consider the job. I said that I enjoyed working from home, being productive in the quiet of my home office versus constant activity of a customer service center and asked whether it would be possible for me to work at 2-3 days from home and visit the center and the team the other days. He said yes and we agreed that I would begin the new role. The Friday before I was to begin he called to say that he thought about it and felt that my presence with the team would be required 5 days a week. I was so disappointed and thought about quitting but convinced myself to give it a try. It was exactly what I needed but it took me a few months to see it. Being somewhere else, outside of my house, forced me into new rhythms and being with others. The job gave me a team to care about and make changes that the organization wanted. I had tasks to focus on. I had to trust that life was going to be ok for me again. I had to turn to hope as the way out of my pain.

I read a beautiful post this week by poet and author, David Whyte, (from his book Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words) who describes despair as a haven, a last protection, “a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest; it is a loss of horizon, it is the place we go when we do not want to be found in the same way anymore.”

He goes on to say that the “antidote to despair is not to be found in the brave attempt to cheer ourselves up with happy abstracts, but in paying a profound and courageous attention to the body and the breath, independent of our imprisoning thoughts and stories, even, in paying attention to despair itself, and the way we hold it, and which we realize, was never ours to own and to hold in the first place.”

If you are feeling despair for any reason this week, please honor that within your spirit. Take the time you need to honor the healing that is required. Don’t run from it. Don’t brush away the feelings as if they don’t exist. Breathe and find ways to honor your body, your spirit and what you need to feel energized again. When you are ready, find activities that nourish your spirit. Be with like-minded people. Ignore negativity as best you can. Realize that true healing only occurs by going through and not around the source of the wound or hurt. Move forward with compassion and curiosity.

Then when you are ready offer the light you are to others. Be a source of hope. We need it now more than ever!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Butters in his happy place. If you have one, watch your cat or dog, they embody resilience!

Coming home to myself

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

I traveled as part of my job as a sales operations manager for a corporation before retiring. Most of my customers were on the west coast so it was almost always air travel from O’Hare Airport versus a car trip. As I returned from each business trip, traveling on interstates 294 and 55 then on to I80 which crosses Illinois from east to west, I would literally feel the tension in my body diminishing once I got past the distribution centers on 80 heading west toward the “Illinois Valley”. As I left the crowded industrial areas and began to see the corn and bean fields, even in the winter with no plants growing, I could breathe again. I knew I was headed home.

Lately I have felt a congestion in my spirit, much like traveling in those suburban areas near the airport. I let worrying about personal responsibilities and working too many hours fan a flame within. It was certainly my choice to work more due to some circumstances and tasks that needed to be completed for the ministry work I do. Regarding personal concerns, I know that worrying about life doesn’t change the circumstance but somehow I keep revisiting the concerns as if the more I think about it the more likely it will change. But like the taper that I use to put out the candles after Saturday Vigil Masses at my parish, I was slowly putting out a light within.

This week a friend and I returned to Anderson Japanese Gardens in Rockford, Il to see the colors of Fall in the lush gardens. The minute we set foot on the path leaving the Welcome Center, I took a deep breath of the cool Fall air, the smell of wood and leaves, and felt my body relax again. I relaxed to a place within that I hadn’t felt in months. We crossed the Giboshi Bridge, also called the “devotion bridge”, the Alaskan yellow cedar bridge with giboshi black finials on the posts, recently renovated, with the intention of leaving the dust of the world behind, as recommended by our docent during our visit in June. The trees, colors of the leaves, occasional mum in pots, the ducks and geese in the ponds, and the flowing waters helped bring about a sense of inner peace and contentment.

Later in the week I attended a discussion meeting, with other Benedictine Oblates, at the monastery of the Sisters of St. Benedict at St. Mary Monastery. We were discussing the process of invitation and formation of oblates to our Benedictine Oblate community. There are 25,000 Benedictine Oblates worldwide, each of us associated with specific monasteries or communities. Our monastery oblate groups are located within 7 locations in Central Illinois and Indiana. As the number of sisters at the monastery decreases, and the sisters age, we discussed how important it was to begin to take on the responsibilities of inviting new people to consider the oblate life of prayer and study. We acknowledged statistics that reflect a growing desire in men and women to find spiritual support and meaning beyond parish life. As we discussed our Benedictine values, and the oblate life we are committed to, again I felt a serenity within.

On the evening of the full “supermoon” this week, I shared an article on my personal Facebook page written by Brother Guy Consolmagno SJ, Director of the Vatican Observatory. Brother Guy recommended a daily practice of looking at the heavens each evening, even if just for a few minutes. He stated that by doing so we become attuned to the natural rhythms of our world and cosmos and are reminded of something greater than ourselves. But I would add that we also begin to sense our place in a greater purpose and reason for being. As I stepped outside after reading the article I gazed up at the gorgeous moon shining brightly in the evening sky and once again, I felt at home within. I felt peace and contentment. I felt alive.

This week I invite you to consider the times and places that you feel that you come home to yourself, places that you know you are being and in touch with your true authentic self and your relationship with God. If you haven’t been visiting those places, or doing things that make you feel alive in your spirit, what might you do so that you experience it again? It just might be as simple as looking at gorgeous Fall colors and breathing deeply!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: The Giboshi Bridge at Anderson Japanese Gardens in October. I shared a photo of the bridge earlier this year in a post. The Fall colors beyond the bridge were stunning.

Set the world on fire

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Catholic faith, discernment, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

Last week I talked about a couple of sports superstars so bear with me this week, I want to share another example. I was really moved by an interview with Dave Roberts, manager of the LA Dodgers, Friday night after their win over the San Diego Padres. I have NEVER heard such enthusiasm by a manager after a game as I did during that interview. Roberts was jubilant talking about his team and what they accomplished as he was interviewed by the Fox Sports Team. He talked about their fighting attitude and determination, their mindset, their belief in each other and how bonded they are, as a team, to meet the challenge of postseason baseball. Derek Jeter commented that Roberts’ job as a manager is to set up his team to succeed, congratulating Roberts for how he does that, but then asked him how long he was going to enjoy the win before turning his focus to the next game against the New York Mets (Sunday, October 13 at 7 p.m.). Roberts replied that he was going to finish his cigar, drink some good red wine and “enjoy the heck out of tonight” because he said, if he doesn’t enjoy the wins, “what the heck are we doing it for?” He then restated how proud he was of his team. He exuded enjoyment in what he does and the pride of managing his team. Roberts stands out to me because he has a vocation, a calling, to manage his sports team.

Exceptional people in other arenas are likely living out their career as a vocation. It is who they are and what they are meant to be doing in life. Life may not always have the level of excitement of winning a postseason baseball game in hopes of winning a World Series, but my guess is there is an inner joy and satisfaction that comes from dedicating life to the fulfillment of a dream.

One of my favorite quotes by a saint is attributed to St. Catherine of Siena, mystic and Doctor of the Church. St. Catherine said, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” When we have joy in our state in life, the tasks we do in a job, in our daily activities, support of the church or by helping other people, we set the world on fire because of the love of doing what we have been called to do.

I think some of us have a fear that if we surrender and submit to the will of God, God will ask us to do something we don’t want to do. We ponder that we might have to give up the things we love in order to serve God with our gifts and talents. There may be people called to that, to work in ministries or communities that require a total giving of self, property and serve obediently under the authority of someone else. But for most of us, I doubt that is what God is calling us to.

God has tremendous love for us and wants us to be happy. The surrender, giving up of attachments, comes when we desire pleasing God more than we desire those things we have been attached to. It is a matter of where our focus is. The things in life that we love are an expression of who we are and they are gifts from God. We just have to check the importance they have in our lives and whether they are burden, moving us away from our relationship with God.

So my question for us this week, I include myself in this pondering, is whether we are responding to a call to live our lives using the gifts and talents we have been given? Do we experience an inner joy in the work we are doing? If not, why are we holding back? What are we afraid of? How might we begin to take steps in that direction of being who God meant us to be? Set some time aside this week to ask these questions. The answers may not be obvious and might require some quiet thought, reflection and prayer. Be sure to ask God how you might live more authentically as the person God has called you to be, and listen for the response.

Wishing you abundant peace this week!

Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena that I took during my Italy pilgrimage which included a visit to Siena.

Transformed hearts

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, contemplation, discernment, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Have you ever shared with someone a health condition or that you weren’t feeling well, only to hear in response – yes I have had that too, only their illness was worse, longer, required more treatment, etc. Perhaps you were talking with a friend about a busy time in life and then they replied with their situation which is busier, more intense and requires more than your situation. You may have actually been the person that responded in that way, we all do it. When I reflect on times that I was the person listening and responding, I believe it was, in most cases, an attempt to show empathy and compassion for what the person is going through but afterwards reflected that I could have acknowledged their feelings without adding my own example.

Today’s first reading and gospel for the Twenty-Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time reminded me of those times of oneupmanship in life. In the first reading, the elders complain to Moses that two men who weren’t at a gathering where God bestowed the spirit upon them to prophesy were prophesying in the camp anyway. They were among the seventy elders but they didn’t follow the protocol of attending the gathering. The spirit was upon them regardless and Moses corrected the others by saying that he wished all the people were prophets and questioned their jealousy for the two men. Then in the gospel reading the apostles complained to Jesus that there were people driving out demons in Jesus’ name but weren’t part of the in group of followers. Jesus then uses it as a teaching lesson for his apostles and followers. Jesus broadened their sense of who is included and who belongs to him as a follower.

I also reflected on meetings that I attended, or comments made by someone, showed the need for a person to be in charge or make sure others know of their involvement was a critical part of making something happen. The reality is very little of what we do is on our own. First of all, it is the grace of Spirit of God that inspires us. Also, others are involved in helping us and ideas we read along the way contributed to the concept we are sharing or the work we are doing. I think of the number of things I listened to or read last night and this morning that helped with my reflection on these weekly readings. Everything I think and share is a synthesis, albeit through my personal experience, of the thoughts of those wiser than me. The Rule of St. Benedict, in Chapter 7 on Humility, reminds me that every exaltation is a kind of pride. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be proud of our accomplishments, or acknowledge them in appropriate situations, but that we check our intentions before we do so.

I immediately thought of my photo for today’s blog as I reflected on the readings this morning and what I might share with all of you. The flowers in the garden don’t compete and say I worked harder to be this color, or I grew taller than you, and they do not try to stand out above the others. They just express the beauty of their being.

I would love to be more like these flowers!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Fall into change

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, season of change, spiritual freedom, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Last weekend I celebrated a 50 year high school reunion with friends and classmates. We had an amazing turnout, it was heartwarming to see so many return to the area for the event. The committee did an outstanding job coordinating both evenings and everyone had a good time! We laughed as we remembered past times and caught up on what was going on in our lives now. It felt like there was an easiness about who and where we are in life. It seems the adage is true, wisdom comes with age. We could relax and just be ourselves as we interacted with each other.

The reunion was the reason that I didn’t write a blog post last weekend. My routine was completely upended. I realize, the older I get, the more I enjoy my routines and familiar daily practices. However, the world didn’t fall apart because I didn’t follow my normal routine and I allowed myself to relax and enjoy a different pace for the weekend.

This morning as I sat and delighted in all of the First Day of Fall posts on social media, I reflected on change, how Fall represents a season of change for me. The Autumn Equinox, this first day of Fall, represents that half way point, astronomically, of light and darkness. I have written before about threshold times and today is one of them. We stand at a threshold of the busy seasons of spring and summer planting and harvesting and the slowing down and hibernating of late fall and winter. As things get darker we generally tend to stay in, we want to be at home and cozy. My evening activities are less frequent and by 5 p.m., especially after November’s time change, I am usually not going anywhere!

There is truth to the other popular quote shared on social media today – “The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go.” Perhaps this season of Fall can be a time to consider letting go of some habits, routines or behaviors that aren’t serving us. We can assess our desire to people please or receive honor and recognition (not unlike the apostles in today’s Gospel debating who was the greatest among them, Mark 9: 30-37). We can try to let go of worrying and fear of the future. It doesn’t change the outcome anyway, perhaps we can focus on more productive ways to plan and prepare for the days ahead.

I have a desire to create more balance between ministry work and play, allowing time to craft with all the new inks, stamps and paper I ordered for Halloween and Fall. I want to go for a ride and enjoy the changing colors of the leaves. I want to read some of the books I have purchased and haven’t opened yet.

I invite you to embrace this first day of Fall as an opportunity to allow change. What would you like to let go of? What would you like to embrace or have more time for in your life? Are there some self-imposed “have to’s” than can be replaced by “want to’s”?

Another post that I saw this morning represents my feelings about Fall – There are two seasons; Fall and Waiting for Fall. I am going to treasure Fall this year, creating more pauses to enjoy it. I hope you do too!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: A leaf from my tree that fell, last year, near the hydrangeas that were still blooming.

Turning of time

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, sacred seeing, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

The school children in our area are back to school. There are holiday movies on TV and halloween decorations have been emerging in the marketplace. I have to admit I have picked up a couple of Fall items already and I look forward to unpacking some of the seasonal items that I bring out each year. I am ready to switch colors in the house and bring out my favorite orange/pumpkin, yellows, tans and browns. Sunflowers, mums and chrysanthemums will soon be replacing the brighter pinks and purples in the flower pots. I can’t wait to see the leaves change on the trees. I usually want to linger there longer than the season lasts though. If I had my wish it would start earlier, replacing those excessive heat days that always seem to come when the children are attending full days during September, and last until early December when I am ready to switch gears, slowly reflect on the season of Advent and prepare for Christmas.

But nature doesn’t wait to hear our desires for the year. It simply moves on.

Sunday, August 18 marks another moving on of time for me, another year around the sun. One of my favorite traditions, borrowed from Dr. Troy Amdahl, of OolaLife.com is to move a marble from one jar to another to mark the passing of another year. I added a step of placing the new marble for the year, representing all the opportunities and experiences the year will hold, in a small glass holder in the middle. The full jar represents each of the years I have lived so far. I have to admit when I decided on the number of marbles to put in the future jar many years ago it seemed as though I had plenty. The jar is looking pretty empty right now! I’ve got time, hopefully lots of it, to decide when to replenish the jar on the right and how many marbles to add.

My marble is a visual reminder each morning when I wake that I have been gifted with another day and that this day is the only day that matters, the only day to focus on (or at least give it our best shot!). It’s good to set goals and think about the future. If you know me, you know I love to do that! However, what we do with the day we have been given is what matters!

I am blessed with a wonderful family, good friends, a supportive parish, the Monastery and my Oblate community, and an abundant number of spiritual guides and mentors. I am grateful for my job at Ignatian Ministries and the work we do accompanying others on their spiritual journeys. Even though I have items on my wish life and places I hope to visit, I have everything that I need in life. I am extremely grateful for all of it!

This week I used a blessing from Macrina Weideker from her book, Seven Sacred Pauses: Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day for our team meeting. I had the opportunity to meet Macrina and spend a joyous dinner with her, during an Oblate conference. She was a person who was present to and enjoyed the hours of her day. Some of my favorite lines from the section on the Hour of Illumination and the short prayer, O Warmth and Energy of the Sun are “Renew my commitment to the tasks of this day. Lead me to my courage…Enliven my growing moments.” So if there is anything I ask for this year it is enliven the growing moments in my life and be led to my courage, to stand in my wisdom and to be more of the person that God calls me to be.

Join me in celebrating this once in a lifetime, brand new day, that each of us have been given today, whether it is your birthday or not. Live it to the best of your ability. Appreciate the gifts you have been given. Deena

Note: I edit and schedule the blog posts for our Into the Deep blog for Ignatian Ministries. This week I was also a writer, which I have done a couple of times a year. Visit our blog Sunday night after 6 p.m. to read my post or go to the website and subscribe to receive our blogs in an email each week on Monday morning. We have amazing writers and each of the articles in our various series will share insights and will “accompany you into deeper waters of faith.”

Photo: My marble jars

Be open to surprise

On By dpavinatoIn Eucharistic Revival, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Today is going to be a quick short post but I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to touch base and wish you a good week.

As my friend Kelly and I became parish point people for the Eucharistic Revival we prayed for transformation in our hearts and in our parish regarding Eucharistic devotion. We could never have guessed what God had in store for us this July and how we might be impacted by the Eucharistic Congress.

The Eucharistic Congress begins Day 5, the fifth and final day with a morning Revival session and Holy Mass in just a few minutes. It will take me a long time to process all that has happened since Wednesday, at the Revival and in my heart. But more about that, I hope, next week.

Take time to be still and to acknowledge the desires of your heart. Bring that to God, then watch and listen. Be open to surprise! Don’t limit what God can do in response to your prayers and desires.

Wishing you abundant peace and joy this week, Deena

Image: sunrise while visiting Coronado CA

Answering the great question

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, Every day Catholic, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

For as long as I can remember I have been interested in self growth, self knowledge, the interior life and helping others consider the same things. In high school I was interested in retail and art design, but psychology was my favorite class. One of our parish priests at the time asked me if I felt I would be helping the world if I pursued my interest in design. Maybe he saw more in me than I did or maybe that question led me to reflect on my interest in psychology. Maybe I allowed myself to be influenced by his opinion. Certainly at the time I did not have the awareness that we can help others and live our life purpose in any job or role we pursue. Regardless I began to consider social work as a field of study and my Aunt, a sister in the congregation of the Franciscans in Joliet, introduced me to the professor of social work at University of St. Francis (College at the time) and so it began.

I ended up with a double major in Psychology and Sociology, began a study of Developmental Psychology and then ultimately got a Masters in Counselor Education from Northern Illinois University. My focus was adult psychology and education and I studied the techniques of Rational Emotive Therapy. My favorite professor challenged me to look at every worry or concern, where the source of my frustration was rooted, which ultimately is our thinking, irrational thoughts, about situations. Lately his voice and teaching have been echoing in my mind again. I worked for a couple of years at a community college close to the University but helping students figure out what English or Math class to register for was galaxies away from my interest in finding purpose and meaning in life. Oh sure, there were the occasional mini classes and conversations but generally it was not fulfilling work and I was eventually enticed by the world of technology, business, travel and making more money.

During travels and especially during my time in Michigan, working for Electronic Data Systems on the General Motors account, I encountered people, teachers, thought systems and new spiritual ideologies that awakened my passion for the interior life. After five years, and a suggestion that if I wanted to move up the corporate ladder with EDS a move to Texas would be something to consider, I moved “home” to Illinois from Michigan. I opened a small business, with a storefront as a means of encountering others. Soon I was invited to teach personal development workshops at the local community college. At the same time I went through a lay ministry program, got more involved with my parish and began the three year formation process to become a Benedictine Oblate, making a promise of fidelity to the monastic life and commitment to be a “monk in the world”.

The interior questions, who am I and what is my place in the world, have been the fundamental and important questions that have been the foundation of each of those changes and decisions in life. I can’t say that I have ever felt that I have truly answered the question or been content with wherever I was in each phase of life. Recently I have noticed that there have been slight changes to the question about purpose that continue to consume my prayer and meditation.

Several quotes or classes have crossed my path this week that have given me reason to pause and ask why they are catching my attention. What am I hearing or what are they asking that tugs at my heart? I will share and explore these more in the coming weeks.

We have all seen the quotes that we are ultimately responsible for our happiness and that we have to control the things we give our time and attention to in our search for happiness. We hear that if we don’t spend time getting to know ourselves and honor what is important to us, then we will only end up listening to the opinions of others and allowing ourselves to be influenced by them. All of that is true but it feels like the focus or the goal is self-centered.

Yesterday, in my Modern Mystics monthly class, we listened to Robert Ellsberg, author and feature writer of Blessed Among Us in the monthly prayer guide, Give Us This Day, as he spoke of his friendship and written correspondence with Sr. Wendy Beckett. Sr. Wendy, fondly named the “art nun”, became well known for her books and her BBC series which was her insightful reflections on art and art history. Sr Wendy was a consecrated hermit and her preference was for her life of solitude at a Carmelite monastery in England. Some of Sr. Wendy’s thoughts that Robert shared deeply moved me. Sr. Wendy believed that we can’t plot every point in our lives, we just need to allow Jesus to come alive in our lives. We need to keep looking at God, be held by the love of God and be carried by that love. She said that we flow from God’s being, a breath he breathes.

Today I read a quote, on Facebook, from John O’Donohue, one of my favorite spiritual writers and poets, that read:

“There are no manuals for the construction of the individual you would like to become. You are the only one who can decide this and take up the lifetime of work that it demands. This is a wonderful privilege and such an exciting adventure. To grow into the person that your deepest longing desires is a great blessing. If you can find a creative harmony between your soul and your life, you will have found something infinitely precious. You may not be able to do much about the great problems of the world or to change the situation you are in, but if you can awaken the eternal beauty and light of your soul, you will bring light wherever you go. The gift of life is given to us for ourselves and also to bring peace, courage, and compassion to others.” Excerpt from Eternal Echoes.

So yes, we are the only ones who decide what life we will lead, but the difference I feel, in a life with true meaning, is that we listen to the connection to soul, we become aware of that breath that breathes us, we ask “who am I in relation to God”, what unique work have I been created to do, and we see that God uses all the situations and relationships in our lives to invite us, to trust and grow closer to God, to deeper union.

I would like to spend the next couple of blogs, or perhaps continue with this topic, exploring the great question, Who am I in God and What is God calling me to be, to see, to love in my life? This is the ultimate question in our search for meaning and happiness. This is the journey we all take.

For today I will end with one of my favorite quotes, which I have shared before, by St. Catherine of Siena, Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.

With deep love and gratitude, Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena, Siena Italy

Endless, inexhaustible mercy

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

One of the things I am learning, and appreciate, about the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola is that it begins with the premise, in the First Principle and Foundation, that God’s love for each one of us, individually, is endless and unconditional. We have unique gifts and talents, along with our deepest desires, that God wants us to realize and fulfill, to the ultimate purpose of living with God forever. A person making the Exercises is invited to spend time in this First Principle and Foundation, considering this love, before moving on to the other “weeks”. It is only then that we look at how our response to God’s love has been impacted by the sin in our lives, how to follow Jesus more closely, a consideration of Jesus’ passion and death and then the joy of the Resurrection.

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday, the Second Sunday of Easter. I enjoy the gospel of Thomas’ encounter with Jesus, Jesus’ greeting of “Peace” in a room full of his frightened apostles, men that abandoned him, and the prayers of Divine Mercy, but I think I haven’t been approaching the day quite right. I hope it makes sense as you read this.

I found a quote by Thomas Merton to reflect on while trying to look at Mercy a new way. It’s from his book “No Man is an Island”.

“But the man who is not afraid to admit everything that he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God’s love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his own illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God.”

Last week, on Holy Thursday, as I traveled to various parishes to visit their Altars of Repose, I found myself contemplating the prayer of Jesus before his arrest and the brutal treatment of sentencing and crucifixion. I prayed, “I am so sorry. Can you forgive us for how we treated you?” I instantly heard, in my mind, an answer to that prayer. “You are forgetting, I already have, that’s what Good Friday was all about.” Wow. It changed my prayers and reflections on Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter and I have been contemplating it all week.

Yesterday in the Modern Mystics class I am participating in, Fr. Ron Rolheiser gifted us with his presentation on priest, writer and theologian Henri Nouwen, “The Light of Tenderness”. During the presentation he said, speaking of Nouwen’s writing, that “the heart is stronger than our wounds”. He said that Nouwen believed that we have to live our wounds vs. think about them, we have to take them from our head to our heart and live them so they don’t destroy us. I understood this to mean, for me, that we accept and learn from our wounds instead of rationalizing them, finding people to blame for them or continuing to dwell in them.

We can do this, it occurred to me, only if we believe in that “unfailing mercy of God” that Merton spoke of. I can remain in the posture of constantly trying to understand why I did what I did, keep asking for forgiveness, for the mistakes I have made, over and over again, or I can accept that Mercy and move on. Instead of dwelling on the reason I seek Mercy, I can share the joy of experiencing that Mercy in my life. Otherwise, it seems, I haven’t truly believed in the gift of Jesus’ death and resurrection or the gift of God’s Mercy.

There is immense freedom in knowing that God knows exactly who I am and who I have been. I don’t have to pretend it was anything else. God’s mercy is inexhaustible, precisely because of God’s love and despite my failed attempts to live as a loving human person to others.

I am going to continue to spend some time with this as we celebrate the Feast of Divine Mercy. I invite you to also consider how we might accept that Mercy more fully and move on with the intention of living with more love and compassion, because that great love and mercy has been gifted to us.

Peace, Deena

Photo: Our Resurrection Window at Holy Family Church, Oglesby.