Category: Benedictine Oblate

Transformed hearts

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, contemplation, discernment, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Have you ever shared with someone a health condition or that you weren’t feeling well, only to hear in response – yes I have had that too, only their illness was worse, longer, required more treatment, etc. Perhaps you were talking with a friend about a busy time in life and then they replied with their situation which is busier, more intense and requires more than your situation. You may have actually been the person that responded in that way, we all do it. When I reflect on times that I was the person listening and responding, I believe it was, in most cases, an attempt to show empathy and compassion for what the person is going through but afterwards reflected that I could have acknowledged their feelings without adding my own example.

Today’s first reading and gospel for the Twenty-Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time reminded me of those times of oneupmanship in life. In the first reading, the elders complain to Moses that two men who weren’t at a gathering where God bestowed the spirit upon them to prophesy were prophesying in the camp anyway. They were among the seventy elders but they didn’t follow the protocol of attending the gathering. The spirit was upon them regardless and Moses corrected the others by saying that he wished all the people were prophets and questioned their jealousy for the two men. Then in the gospel reading the apostles complained to Jesus that there were people driving out demons in Jesus’ name but weren’t part of the in group of followers. Jesus then uses it as a teaching lesson for his apostles and followers. Jesus broadened their sense of who is included and who belongs to him as a follower.

I also reflected on meetings that I attended, or comments made by someone, showed the need for a person to be in charge or make sure others know of their involvement was a critical part of making something happen. The reality is very little of what we do is on our own. First of all, it is the grace of Spirit of God that inspires us. Also, others are involved in helping us and ideas we read along the way contributed to the concept we are sharing or the work we are doing. I think of the number of things I listened to or read last night and this morning that helped with my reflection on these weekly readings. Everything I think and share is a synthesis, albeit through my personal experience, of the thoughts of those wiser than me. The Rule of St. Benedict, in Chapter 7 on Humility, reminds me that every exaltation is a kind of pride. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be proud of our accomplishments, or acknowledge them in appropriate situations, but that we check our intentions before we do so.

I immediately thought of my photo for today’s blog as I reflected on the readings this morning and what I might share with all of you. The flowers in the garden don’t compete and say I worked harder to be this color, or I grew taller than you, and they do not try to stand out above the others. They just express the beauty of their being.

I would love to be more like these flowers!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Listening to hear

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

I love crafting; making cards, playing with mixed media projects and dabbling with painting supplies. Sometimes an idea comes to me and I create it with ease but often I need inspiration from others. I will turn to crafting videos on YouTube by “makers” like Jennifer McGuire, Tim Holtz, Nichol Spoor, Nina Marie Traponi, Mindy Eggen and so many others to watch them as they express their immense creativity. A technique they share or a card idea created in the video helps me take a product I have and create something in my style or with my vision. Seeing what others, and listening to how and why they are using a technique, help me learn the craft and put my hands to work trying different techniques.

Early Saturday morning for my prayer time, I turned to a new podcast Wonder with the Word produced by God In All Things. The podcast was an Ignatian Contemplation (reading a scripture and then placing yourself in the scene) for children and young adults or “the childlike”, “exploring the gospels through the power of imagination and curiosity”. The podcast was recorded earlier this week so it didn’t occur to me, I hadn’t done my preparation before Vigil Mass, that it was the gospel for this weekend. The gospel of Mark 7: 31-37 is the scene with Jesus, the apostles, and the people following Jesus, bringing the deaf man to him for healing. With simple prompts, we were invited to enter the scene and watch the interactions that unfolded. I observed the people begging Jesus to lay his hands upon the deaf man, then Jesus pulling the man away from the crowd and healing him.

I considered two things in my reflection after praying with the scripture. First, Jesus pulled the man aside. I don’t think it was to hide what he was going to do from others, Jesus knew they would be watching. Rather I felt that Jesus had compassion on the man. He knew that once the man heard, if still among the people gathered, there might be the sudden shock of many voices and cheers once he revealed that he could now hear. Jesus wanted him to gently enter the world of sound again. Second, I reflected that to hear the Word of God we need to step away, to the quiet, each day to clearly hear God speaking to us. Whether we are simply reading scripture, practicing Lectio Divina, prayerfully repeating scripture and sharing our prayer with God, or Ignatian Contemplation, placing ourselves in the scene to see and hear what God has to reveal to us during the time of prayer, we need the quiet time to reflect on the Word. I heard the invitation from God to be sure to continue to set aside my daily prayer to listen and hear God speak to me.

I attended Saturday Vigil Mass and hearing the Gospel proclaimed, I entered deeper and listened more attentively as Fr. Carlson shared a similar reflection that words help us express spiritual realities and to communicate ourselves to others. We need language to share ourselves, on a real level, with the words we share. God also communicates to us in the Word. That is the reason that we listen to the Liturgy of the Word each Sunday as part of Mass, or as other congregations do each weekend. He reminded us to be open and attentive to the Word of God, to spend some time in silent prayer and meditation, shutting out useless noise. We need to go to be alone with the Lord so that he can open our ears.

As a Benedictine Oblate, in the Prologue of The Rule, we are invited to listen with the ear of the heart. Daily Lectio, or prayerfully reflecting on a scripture passage, is an important part of daily life. We are reminded to be receptive and open before we are active in the tasks of each day.

Then early this morning, listening to Bishop Barron’s sermon on the Gospel, he shared the rich background and insight typical in his Sunday Sermons on YouTube. The word “Ephphatha” means “be open”. Jesus was opening the man’s ears to hear but also reminds us to be open to hearing the Word of God, not to shut it out or off. It’s as if Jesus by placing his fingers in the man’s ears unplugs them, opens them to hearing again.

Jesus, Word made flesh, words we hear spoken from God, reminds us to do the same, in our busy lives and secular society. In most cases it won’t remind us to stop and listen to what God is calling us to. It won’t tell us listening to God is more important that listening to what the world says is important. In some cases it might even try to embarrass or chastise us for trying to hear a deeper calling. Don’t stop, don’t let it. Take time to listen each day. Spend a few minutes reading a scripture. There are plenty of great devotional books with daily scripture, but don’t just read the words. Read the scripture, pause, and listen to what God might have to say to you, what God might be inviting you to do. It might just surprise you!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Bronze angels in the Garden of Reflection at Anderson Gardens in Rockford, IL.

Turning of time

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, sacred seeing, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

The school children in our area are back to school. There are holiday movies on TV and halloween decorations have been emerging in the marketplace. I have to admit I have picked up a couple of Fall items already and I look forward to unpacking some of the seasonal items that I bring out each year. I am ready to switch colors in the house and bring out my favorite orange/pumpkin, yellows, tans and browns. Sunflowers, mums and chrysanthemums will soon be replacing the brighter pinks and purples in the flower pots. I can’t wait to see the leaves change on the trees. I usually want to linger there longer than the season lasts though. If I had my wish it would start earlier, replacing those excessive heat days that always seem to come when the children are attending full days during September, and last until early December when I am ready to switch gears, slowly reflect on the season of Advent and prepare for Christmas.

But nature doesn’t wait to hear our desires for the year. It simply moves on.

Sunday, August 18 marks another moving on of time for me, another year around the sun. One of my favorite traditions, borrowed from Dr. Troy Amdahl, of OolaLife.com is to move a marble from one jar to another to mark the passing of another year. I added a step of placing the new marble for the year, representing all the opportunities and experiences the year will hold, in a small glass holder in the middle. The full jar represents each of the years I have lived so far. I have to admit when I decided on the number of marbles to put in the future jar many years ago it seemed as though I had plenty. The jar is looking pretty empty right now! I’ve got time, hopefully lots of it, to decide when to replenish the jar on the right and how many marbles to add.

My marble is a visual reminder each morning when I wake that I have been gifted with another day and that this day is the only day that matters, the only day to focus on (or at least give it our best shot!). It’s good to set goals and think about the future. If you know me, you know I love to do that! However, what we do with the day we have been given is what matters!

I am blessed with a wonderful family, good friends, a supportive parish, the Monastery and my Oblate community, and an abundant number of spiritual guides and mentors. I am grateful for my job at Ignatian Ministries and the work we do accompanying others on their spiritual journeys. Even though I have items on my wish life and places I hope to visit, I have everything that I need in life. I am extremely grateful for all of it!

This week I used a blessing from Macrina Weideker from her book, Seven Sacred Pauses: Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day for our team meeting. I had the opportunity to meet Macrina and spend a joyous dinner with her, during an Oblate conference. She was a person who was present to and enjoyed the hours of her day. Some of my favorite lines from the section on the Hour of Illumination and the short prayer, O Warmth and Energy of the Sun are “Renew my commitment to the tasks of this day. Lead me to my courage…Enliven my growing moments.” So if there is anything I ask for this year it is enliven the growing moments in my life and be led to my courage, to stand in my wisdom and to be more of the person that God calls me to be.

Join me in celebrating this once in a lifetime, brand new day, that each of us have been given today, whether it is your birthday or not. Live it to the best of your ability. Appreciate the gifts you have been given. Deena

Note: I edit and schedule the blog posts for our Into the Deep blog for Ignatian Ministries. This week I was also a writer, which I have done a couple of times a year. Visit our blog Sunday night after 6 p.m. to read my post or go to the website and subscribe to receive our blogs in an email each week on Monday morning. We have amazing writers and each of the articles in our various series will share insights and will “accompany you into deeper waters of faith.”

Photo: My marble jars

Listening with the heart

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, praying for peace, sacred listening, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

This week Benedictine communities, and Oblates like me, celebrated the Feast of St. Benedict, Father of Western Monasticism. Probably one of the most famous quotes, from the Prologue of The Rule of St. Benedict, is “Listen carefully, to my instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart.” The Rule, written in 530, is a small guide for monastic living. It not only provided guidelines and instructions for the early monks following St. Benedict but continues to be read daily in monasteries and by those choosing to follow a monastic way of living. It is a guide to life as much as it is a guide of the daily activities of monastic communities. In his instruction to “listen with the ear of the heart”, Benedict wisely instructs us to pray and to listen to the Holy Word in daily Lectio Divina. It’s an inward listening as much as it is listening to words said aloud to one another.

In a reflection for this week’s Sunday Gospel in Give Us This Day, an excerpt from E. Jane Rutter’ Seasons of the Spirit: Reflections on Finding God in Daily Life, reminds us that the message of Christianity is to ‘Love others and pass along the message of joy’. She states that we “teach the message in many ways, not all of us through words.” As we listened to Mark’s Gospel as Jesus sends out the twelve apostles (Mark 6: 7-13) it’s clear that Jesus is sending them on the first evangelization mission of healing and sharing the Good News they have been learning. It’s also clear that Jesus knows they won’t be accepted every place they go. If they aren’t, he advised them to “leave” and “shake the dust off your feet”.

I am not going to say a lot about yesterday’s tragic events in Pennsylvania, there are plenty of excellent commentaries about the need for peace at this volatile time in our country and world. Surely there is plenty on the news but I find I need check in for updates and then walk away. It doesn’t serve me to listen to the endless negativity and blame that didn’t take long to surface. One of the best articles that I have read so far is Maria Shriver’s The Sunday Paper. Maria speaks from a voice of experience of violence against political leaders, witnessing the assassination of two uncles, but also from a voice of reason and wisdom. There are so many attempts to create chaos and division. We need to pause, we need to calm down, we need to listen.

I do not care what your political views are, you are entitled to them, as I am to mine. Frankly neither political party is serving our country at the moment. There is too much anger and divisive language. I am grateful he is safe and am praying for Former President Trump and his family but even more so for the innocent people who were exercising their right to attend a rally. No one, I don’t care how much we agree or disagree with a person, should be shot for their beliefs. However, raising a fist and yelling “fight” isn’t going to help the situation.

This week I listened to a webinar by Fr. Timothy Radcliffe, OP on The Spirituality of Listening. His latest book, Listening Together: Meditations on Synodality, was released this Spring. Fr. Radcliffe has messages that ring true in life, as well as the Church. One statement that he made has been on my mind all week, and certainly today. He said “We’re not very good at disagreeing but the flourishing of society depends on it.” He talked about the pleasure of disagreement and the opportunity to see things in new ways. He suggested that our first response should be, “I wonder if you’re right or how you might be right?” As we ask questions of the other we are dialoguing with, we seek different answers, we learn and go deeper. Wouldn’t that be an excellent model for discussion and decision making in our country?

My favorite section of The Rule, mentioned at the beginning of this blog post, is Chapter 4, The Tools for Good Works. There is sound guidance on the way we treat each other, to monitor foolish chatter or ill speech toward another, for holy listening and reading, and for temperance in responding to the urges of self-will. In a few short paragraphs I have a summary for living that is probably very much like the message the apostles heard as Jesus sent them forth, simple but profound, neither of which speak of anger or violence towards another. Let that be our model.

Praying for peace, Deena

Image from a side chapel at St. Mary Monastery, Rock Island IL.

Ever growing desire

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

My niece’s daughter, Genevieve, is going to be 6 this week. She loves to play, craft and create. She really loves her Legos! Last year she worked on a Cinderella castle for ages 12+. It took her a little while longer than her normal creations but I believe she was done in less than a week. The kits for children her age are done in no time. She began with the smaller combinations of regular pieces, then advanced to the small kits with specific designs and now loves the more challenging ones. She gained one level of skill and then advanced to the next, desiring to learn and do more.

As we bring June to a close today, I would like to talk once more about the topic of Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? Then I will pause it, at least for a while. A few people commented to me, after reading the past few blogs, that they really hoped I found what I was searching for, that it seemed I was really searching for something in my life. I guess on some level I always have been and will likely continue to be searching for deeper meaning and greater depths of understanding in my life. But it is more like peeling back layers of an onion or going deeper into the middle of a spiral. At Ignatian Ministries, we refer to that as “called deeper together”, to go beyond the shallow waters and into the deep waters of faith.

We don’t get a Catholic education in grade school, or as CCD students, and then stay at that level of understanding all of our lives. At least I hope we don’t. Genevieve would quickly be bored with working on Lego kits at a level for 5 year olds. Go to church or not, I believe it’s an important aspect of faith and community, you will be bored with your faith if you stay at a grade school understanding of it. Growth happens as we look for new ways to understand the Mystery of God and its meaning in our lives.

The practice of Lectio Divina, sacred and prayerful reading of scripture, is part of my Benedictine Oblate practice. Listening to and reflecting on the Living Word of God in scripture each day, and our additional study, whether in books, retreats or more structured study programs, should take us deeper and deeper in our understanding of who God is calling us to be in life. We go deeper into that spiral, finding new meaning, based on the desires of our heart and the circumstances in our lives.

I love the First Principle and Foundation of Ignatian Spirituality, to live with God forever, but the depth of the spirituality comes in daily prayer, daily examen and discernment. It is an ongoing process. God loves each of us, uniquely and passionately, where we are in our state in life. It doesn’t matter if someone else is further along or has a greater depth of understanding. We are where we are, with all of our desires and situations, and God wants to meet us there.

Go ahead, touch the tassel of Jesus’ garment today, (today’s Gospel reading is Mark 5: 21-43) let him turn to you and talk to you. Have a conversation regarding who you are and what you are called to be and to see, right now, today. Keep having those conversations, they will change over time, as you do!

Wishing you overflowing peace today, Deena

Image: Sen on Unsplash

A discerning spirit

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, discernment, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

On Friday I was chatting with Becky, the founder of Ignatian Ministries, the non-profit Ignatian virtual ministry that I work for. I shared with her a decision that I am holding and how I have been wavering as I decide the right thing to do. She reminded me to use the four steps of discernment, as we do with everything we do in our ministry. Ignatian discernment is not decision making from a strictly rational or practical perspective. It is noticing the movements of our heart and soul. All of who we are, our thoughts, feelings and emotions, are part of what we notice and bring to awareness as we use those insights to decide where God is leading us. Sometimes it is quick but often it will take time to really listen and notice how we feel as we consider the options we have in front of us.

As I continue to consider Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? in my personal life and in this blog for the past four weeks, discernment must play an important part in answering those questions. I thought about that as I read Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper this morning. She asked poignant questions after reading the final words of someone who had died, preparing those words before her passing, and after a trip to Asia to see one of her children working in Thailand. Maria asked: “What does it take to love the life we’ve been given? What does it take to be joyful, to feel we have enough, or even to feel like we won the lottery?” My personal answers to those questions have been becoming more clear lately but I acknowledge it is a process and I know that there is something that I need to do, in the near future, that will continue to bring clarity to my answers. What I do know, at this point, is that those answers lie in knowing our purpose in life.

I also believe that finding the answers, at least long term and deeply fulfilling answers, come from where we turn for them. Oh sure, people can find answers in living day to day and acquiring all the relationships and things in the world that they want but all you have to do is look at the current state of things in our world to know those don’t bring deep satisfaction.

Doing some research for a workshop I am helping to teach tomorrow night, John Hopkins reported, in their Mental Health Statistics (2024), that 18% of people ages 18-54 will have an anxiety disorder, 9.5% of American Adults ages 18 or over will suffer an illness labeled as depression (not just having a bad day, another study indicated that it means feeling depressed each day for two weeks or more) and 26% percent of Americans will be diagnosed with a mental health disorder every year. Those numbers are staggering to me! I think it gives us some indication that as Americans something is missing in our lives.

As I listened to two different reflections this weekend on today’s Gospel reading of Jesus calming the storm at sea (Fr. Carlson, my pastor at Holy Family Parish, and you know my other favorite, Bishop Barron!) both indicated each in their own way, Jesus is waiting for us to rouse him to help as we navigate the decisions and storms in life. If we continue to let Jesus sleep in the boat, if we attempt to go it alone, then we cannot expect the tranquility that the Christ can bring to our lives. In prayer and with prayer, I can invite Christ into the inner cave of the heart where I know and can find the answers and peace that I desire in life.

Are there storms you are navigating? Are there questions you are holding and just can’t seem to decide what to do? Do you have peace with your purpose and place in life? If not, maybe finding a new way to approach the answers, turning to prayer and discernment, just might be an option to try.

To learn more about Ignatian Spirituality, discernment and prayer follow our blog, Into the Deep, which I post weekly and also write for, as well as our upcoming retreats and courses. You can also read more about using discernment in your life by accessing the free prayer resource, The Four Steps of Discernment written by Becky Eldredge.

Photo: seaside port of Cascais, Portugal taken during my 2015 pilgrimage to Spain and Portugal

When the waters are muddy

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, Saints as Models & Guides, Spiritual Journey1 Comment

This week I am going to continue the topic I introduced last week; Who am I in God? What is God calling me to see, to be, to love in my life? Once we start asking the questions and searching for the answers we are bound to encounter the shadow side of who we are.

I am very impatient. That impatience causes frustration, fear and even anger. I want the answers now versus being content with the process of the answers unfolding. I am very sensitive and expect too much of others. Pride sneaks up on me before I can catch it and I am easily let down and disappointed when an idea is taken, I am not acknowledged for what I do, am ignored, or hurtful comments are made. As I do a daily Examen, these same vices keep coming up over and over again. Hopefully none of these are familiar to you!

But God understands says Sr. Joan Chittister. In her book, Illuminated Life, Joan says, “Contemplation is the mirror through which we come to touch the greatness of God, yes, but contemplation is also the filter through which we discern the scope of our smallness and the potential of our greatness at the same time. The contemplative looks for perfection nowhere but in God. The contemplative understands brokenness. And, most of all, the contemplative realizes that it is precisely at the point of personal need that God comes to fill up the emptiness that is us.” As we contemplate our lives and our lives in and with God, we see what and where we are lacking. She continues, “Not to know what we lack is to become our own gods”.

I often share saint quotes or images on my social media pages, or in this blog, because I draw inspiration from them. Certainly because of a desire to be more like the people they were. But also to learn where they came from and the challenges they had to overcome. It is often in acknowledging their shadow and dark sides that they made the choice to change, to learn more about who God was calling them to be.

I participated in another amazing retreat, Stretching of the Heart: A Celtic Mini-Retreat on St. Columba, this weekend with Abbey of the Arts, led by our online abbess and poet/author Christine Valter Painter, musician/songwriter and interspiritual minister Simon de Voil, and poet Kenneth Steven. The prayers, meditations, and poetry were wonderful as always and as expected. What I learned, that I had not been aware of, was that St. Columba, Columcille (his Irish name, Columba is the Latin), was the cause of a war and the death of many in Ireland. Columba kept one of the manuscripts he was illuminating for the Church, refusing to return it. Doing some additional research I have learned that there are various versions of who died, how many died and whether Columba left Ireland for the island of Iona or was banished there. Regardless, a desire to possess the manuscript and unwillingness to obey was a dark side of Columba’s story. But he went on, desiring to be a pilgrim for Christ, to found more monasteries, write over 300 books and is said to have had a main role in the conversion of Scotland to Christianity.

In social media posts in May, Bishop Robert Barron painted a description of this discovery of who we are in God that I have reflected on often since reading it. He compared the “ego-drama” to the “theo-drama”. The ego-drama is “the play that I’m writing, I’m producing, I’m directing, and I’m starring in. We see this absolutely everywhere in our culture. Freedom of choice reigns supreme: I become the person that I choose to be.” The theo-drama is the play God is writing, as we discover who we are in God and what God is calling me to be, we learn our part in the great story. Yes, we still have freedom, freedom to choose who we want to be and who we are in God.

As I continue this exploration of Who am I in God and What is God calling me to see, be and do in my life, don’t be afraid of the resistance to change you might feel, the human imperfections you find and the endless challenge to overcome them. Let’s just continue to shed light on them and keep contemplating the questions.

Out of the mud, a lotus flower emerges without dirt or blemish on the lovely petals it produces. Lotus flowers return to the murky water every evening but open their blossoms each morning with the light of the new day. Just like the lotus flower I am using for my image this week, out of a muddy waters of our lives, the murky waters of those habits and characteristics we are still working to free ourselves of, we can emerge in the light of who we are in God.

Image: A lotus flower print I purchased at a conference almost 30 years ago. It is framed and is one of the first images I see each morning.

Answering the great question

On By dpavinatoIn Answering the great question, Benedictine Oblate, Every day Catholic, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

For as long as I can remember I have been interested in self growth, self knowledge, the interior life and helping others consider the same things. In high school I was interested in retail and art design, but psychology was my favorite class. One of our parish priests at the time asked me if I felt I would be helping the world if I pursued my interest in design. Maybe he saw more in me than I did or maybe that question led me to reflect on my interest in psychology. Maybe I allowed myself to be influenced by his opinion. Certainly at the time I did not have the awareness that we can help others and live our life purpose in any job or role we pursue. Regardless I began to consider social work as a field of study and my Aunt, a sister in the congregation of the Franciscans in Joliet, introduced me to the professor of social work at University of St. Francis (College at the time) and so it began.

I ended up with a double major in Psychology and Sociology, began a study of Developmental Psychology and then ultimately got a Masters in Counselor Education from Northern Illinois University. My focus was adult psychology and education and I studied the techniques of Rational Emotive Therapy. My favorite professor challenged me to look at every worry or concern, where the source of my frustration was rooted, which ultimately is our thinking, irrational thoughts, about situations. Lately his voice and teaching have been echoing in my mind again. I worked for a couple of years at a community college close to the University but helping students figure out what English or Math class to register for was galaxies away from my interest in finding purpose and meaning in life. Oh sure, there were the occasional mini classes and conversations but generally it was not fulfilling work and I was eventually enticed by the world of technology, business, travel and making more money.

During travels and especially during my time in Michigan, working for Electronic Data Systems on the General Motors account, I encountered people, teachers, thought systems and new spiritual ideologies that awakened my passion for the interior life. After five years, and a suggestion that if I wanted to move up the corporate ladder with EDS a move to Texas would be something to consider, I moved “home” to Illinois from Michigan. I opened a small business, with a storefront as a means of encountering others. Soon I was invited to teach personal development workshops at the local community college. At the same time I went through a lay ministry program, got more involved with my parish and began the three year formation process to become a Benedictine Oblate, making a promise of fidelity to the monastic life and commitment to be a “monk in the world”.

The interior questions, who am I and what is my place in the world, have been the fundamental and important questions that have been the foundation of each of those changes and decisions in life. I can’t say that I have ever felt that I have truly answered the question or been content with wherever I was in each phase of life. Recently I have noticed that there have been slight changes to the question about purpose that continue to consume my prayer and meditation.

Several quotes or classes have crossed my path this week that have given me reason to pause and ask why they are catching my attention. What am I hearing or what are they asking that tugs at my heart? I will share and explore these more in the coming weeks.

We have all seen the quotes that we are ultimately responsible for our happiness and that we have to control the things we give our time and attention to in our search for happiness. We hear that if we don’t spend time getting to know ourselves and honor what is important to us, then we will only end up listening to the opinions of others and allowing ourselves to be influenced by them. All of that is true but it feels like the focus or the goal is self-centered.

Yesterday, in my Modern Mystics monthly class, we listened to Robert Ellsberg, author and feature writer of Blessed Among Us in the monthly prayer guide, Give Us This Day, as he spoke of his friendship and written correspondence with Sr. Wendy Beckett. Sr. Wendy, fondly named the “art nun”, became well known for her books and her BBC series which was her insightful reflections on art and art history. Sr Wendy was a consecrated hermit and her preference was for her life of solitude at a Carmelite monastery in England. Some of Sr. Wendy’s thoughts that Robert shared deeply moved me. Sr. Wendy believed that we can’t plot every point in our lives, we just need to allow Jesus to come alive in our lives. We need to keep looking at God, be held by the love of God and be carried by that love. She said that we flow from God’s being, a breath he breathes.

Today I read a quote, on Facebook, from John O’Donohue, one of my favorite spiritual writers and poets, that read:

“There are no manuals for the construction of the individual you would like to become. You are the only one who can decide this and take up the lifetime of work that it demands. This is a wonderful privilege and such an exciting adventure. To grow into the person that your deepest longing desires is a great blessing. If you can find a creative harmony between your soul and your life, you will have found something infinitely precious. You may not be able to do much about the great problems of the world or to change the situation you are in, but if you can awaken the eternal beauty and light of your soul, you will bring light wherever you go. The gift of life is given to us for ourselves and also to bring peace, courage, and compassion to others.” Excerpt from Eternal Echoes.

So yes, we are the only ones who decide what life we will lead, but the difference I feel, in a life with true meaning, is that we listen to the connection to soul, we become aware of that breath that breathes us, we ask “who am I in relation to God”, what unique work have I been created to do, and we see that God uses all the situations and relationships in our lives to invite us, to trust and grow closer to God, to deeper union.

I would like to spend the next couple of blogs, or perhaps continue with this topic, exploring the great question, Who am I in God and What is God calling me to be, to see, to love in my life? This is the ultimate question in our search for meaning and happiness. This is the journey we all take.

For today I will end with one of my favorite quotes, which I have shared before, by St. Catherine of Siena, Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.

With deep love and gratitude, Deena

Photo: A status of St. Catherine of Siena, Siena Italy

A spirit of love

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Life in the Spirit, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

Love is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. On this Pentecost Day my prayer is that I open my heart to hold more love, joy, patience… all of the beautiful gifts of the Spirit (Read Galatians 5:16-25 one of the optional readings for Pentecost Sunday). It’s been a week that has challenged those fruits in me. I have thought about what I wanted to write all week but I wanted it to be written in a spirit of love, real love, which is “willing the good of the other”.

I read the reflection in Give Us This Day for today’s Solemnity written by Carolyn Woo, CEO/Catholic Relief Services and dean of the Mendoza College of Business at the University of Notre Dame and was especially moved by these three sentences regarding the apostles experience of Pentecost: “Their proclamation enveloped all in a spirit of love, belonging and oneness. What the people heard and understood was not just some breaking news of the day, a good chat, or rules for success. What they heard was the ‘mighty acts of God’-magnificent creation that included themselves, covenant love that is never broken, forgiveness, redemption, and ultimately reunion with God.”

So why have I been wrestling with my thoughts for today? I am having a difficult time because I want to respond to a limited view of Catholicism shared this week in a commencement address by Harrison Butker at Benedictine College and then debated widely in the news and in social media. I have seen more dissension and vitriol in social media than I can tolerate (and we still have an election coming up this November, I might have to fast from social media!). Initially I found myself responding with disdain rather than wanting to understand all that was included in the address. Once I stepped back, read the address, taking in all the reactions, positive and negative, I pondered when and how it got this bad, that every statement someone makes requires a personal rebuttal, nasty comment, sarcastic meme or hateful statement. Then gospel readings of vocal outbursts between the righteous Pharisees and Saducees came to mind. So maybe the reactions have always been there but are just more noticeable in the constant news and social media frenzy we live with.

I do not object to any person’s freedom of speech and opinion. I did wonder if the college that invited the speaker didn’t have a hidden agenda and expect the attention and backlash that it would cause. I was shocked, however, when the Benedictine Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, in their response, as the founding institution and a sponsor of the College, received so many argumentative comments to their letter. I find it interesting that people who say they are open to discussion and debate hurl condescending responses when the opinion is different than their own. Is it no longer possible to disagree and turn away?

I am thankful for the many articles written in support of the Benedictine and Christian values that I believe in. I stand in complete solidarity with the Benedictine Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica and their statement that they are “faithful members of the Catholic Church who embrace and promote the values of the Gospel, St. Benedict, and Vatican II and the teachings of Pope Francis.”

I also listened to Bishop Barron’s Sunday Sermon on YouTube this morning regarding this solemn Feast we celebrate today. Bishop Barron contemplated each of the fruits of the Holy Spirit outlined in the Galatians reading. I would highly recommend listening to it. But one comment stands out, “Love stands at the center of the Church’s life, because that’s what the Holy Spirit is.” In speaking of the fruits of the Spirit, Bishop Barron suggests to pay attention to those things in life, vocations and activities, that give rise to the fruits, and stay close to those. If they don’t, if they bring up the opposite of those, stay away.

In no way am I saying that I take Bishop’s sermon as a validation of my feelings or the “truth” regarding my reaction to the commencement address or the response by the Benedictine Sisters. That answer is for people wiser than me. What I do hear, for me, in a spirit of discernment, is to stay away from the dissension, draw close to things that bring about more love, more joy, more patience. Going back to Carolyn Woo’s quote, look for opinions that are expressed in a “spirit of love, belonging, and oneness.” That, my friends, feels like the truth of the Gospel message that we should seek and ask the Holy Spirit to bless us with.

Lastly I offer most of the Blessing for Pentecost written and shared by poet and author Jan Richardson yesterday on her Facebook page. I highly recommend you read the blessing in its entirety.

Here’s one thing

you must understand

about this blessing:

it is not

for you alone.

It is stubborn

about this.

Do not even try

to lay hold of it

if you are by yourself,

thinking you can carry it

on your own.

To bear this blessing,

you must first take yourself

to a place where everyone

does not look like you

or think like you,

a place where they do not

believe precisely as you believe,

where their thoughts

and ideas and gestures

are not exact echoes

of your own.

Bring your sorrow.

Bring your grief.

Bring your fear.

Bring your weariness,

your pain,

your disgust at how broken

the world is,

how fractured,

how fragmented

by its fighting,

its wars,

its hungers,

its penchant for power,

its ceaseless repetition

of the history it refuses

to rise above.

I will not tell you

this blessing will fix all that.

But in the place

where you have gathered,

wait.

Watch.

Listen.

Lay aside your inability

to be surprised,

your resistance to what you

do not understand…

–

Again from Galatians; “If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.”

I wish you abundant peace this week. Deena

Image: A photo from my pilgrimage to Italy. Bernini’s stained glass window “The Dove of the Holy Spirit”.

A call to pause

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journey2 Comments

As I prepared to write this, reviewing my notes and ideas, the bells rang calling those attending 10 a.m. Mass to hurry along and, then again, to mark the top of the hour. I hear the bells every day, from my parish church at the end of the block that I live on, but especially now with more windows open and time spent outside attending to my plants. They remind me of the bells at the monastery. They remind me of a call to pause and say a prayer. They remind me of some words of Sr. Joan Chittister in her book, The Monastic Heart, that were also used as part of a reflection a couple of weeks ago in our weekly email update from Sr. Joan.

Joan said, “The purpose of Benedictine bells is not to spell out the hour of the day at all; that task is left to horologists. Our bells, on the other hand, are there to wrench our attention back to what is really important in life: the memory of God in our midst. The memory of the purpose of life. The memory that time is moving on and so must we. The recognition that life today is different than yesterday, and we must not try to hold life back. The bells jog the memory that there are actually more important, more meaningful, more demanding dimensions of life than anything ordinary we can possibly be doing as they ring. The bells stop us in midflight to prod us to ask ourselves again if what we are doing is what we are really meant to be doing.”

It’s true that the bells also call us to remember the great concerns of life, such as caring for the poor and people in need, or comforting the sick or grieving. We must ask whether we aware of the concerns of our brothers and sisters in areas of the world ravaged by war, weather or persecution? But they also cause me to pause and look at what I am doing in the moment, is it important? Does it matter? Am I living my vocation in life?

This week I had several opportunities to pause and slow down, to look at my self-care, nurturing or self-compassion. My friend Kate Brown taught a workshop, “Nurture and Grow: Cultivating Self-Compassion in a Turbulent World.” We considered ways to be more compassionate to ourselves and that in doing so we build a reservoir to compassion to give to others. We discussed being more mindful vs mind full and the importance of finding a community of like-minded individuals that will support and encourage us and then we in turn for each other. We also discussed embracing our imperfections and the importance of accepting ourselves, where and who we are at this moment.

Speaking of imperfections, yesterday was my monthly creative journaling workshop and our topic was “Resistance, Joy and Self-Compassion.” Resistance and judgement in our creative endeavors is definitely the thief of joy! We experimented with drawing ovals, faces and a drawing ourselves from a selfie taken during class. Lisa encouraged us to break resistance by doing a little bit of creative art or journaling every day, to make little promises to ourselves to commit to our creativity. But it can be so hard to find and set aside the time for our own self-nurturing. Am I willing to commit to doing so?

Church, convent and monastery bells have provided this reminder to pause to countless men and women throughout the centuries. For some reason, the bells were a soothing reminder this morning of all of the women who have guided me throughout my life. When I remember my mother on this Mother’s Day, I remember a woman who worked harder than anyone I have ever met. I don’t know what she thought about self-nurturing or self-compassion, we never talked about it, at least not in those words. But I do know while she always gave of herself to others, she also knew how to relax and enjoy herself when the work was done, whether it was Saturday night dinners out with my father, their annual fishing trips to Minnesota or backyard gatherings with friends. I remember my “Noni” (Italian grandmother) and times spent with her, usually in the kitchen or the garden. I recall my aunt, a Franciscan sister, who encouraged me in ways that I didn’t realize fully at the time. The Benedictine sisters who invited me to learn more about the monastic life and community remain important witnesses to me of a life of purpose.

Pause for a few minutes today and consider the women who have influenced you in your life, whether mothers, grandmothers or nurturing women and role-models. Did they offer (or perhaps they are still alive and continue to offer) examples of self-care and compassion? Who does offer that reminder to you? Would you be willing, if you don’t regularly, to take a few minutes each day to find ways to embrace who you are and what you feel you need to live a life that supports your purpose and vision in life? Why not start now!

Wishing you abundant peace and compassion, Deena

Picture: of the bell tower at St. Mary Monastery in Rock Island, Illinois. I am an Oblate of this monastery.