Category: Coming home to myself

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A story to tell

On By dpavinatoIn a season of hope, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Fruit of the Spirit, Ignatian prayer, Jubilee Year of Hope, Lenten journey, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, Seeing things in a new way, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spirituality4 Comments

You’ve probably heard or used the phrase, “what’s their story”, when someone is inquiring about another person. It suggests that the person in question has a backstory or anthropology that will help us understand them more deeply. This week was a wonderful lesson in being open to learning more about others and being open to what might be going on behind the scenes of the exterior I am seeing. I have two examples that touched me and a captivating discussion I would like to share. They have radically changed my outlook and I hope you find them helpful as well.

This week in spiritual direction I was sharing my need to grow in compassion and patience with others, especially when out driving and doing errands. I try to be courteous and mindful of others but darn, there are days I feel like I am the only one. I am working on stopping a negative or condemnatory response before it explodes in my mind. My director shared a video, made by Cleveland Clinic, that she has used when working with others. It is helpful when trying to be more compassionate and understanding about what might be going on in another person’s life. Wow! Tears flowed. The video, Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care, was made in a hospital setting sharing thoughts of various individuals working at or experiencing treatment at a hospital. It’s only slightly over 4 minutes. I highly recommend it!

After watching that video, I am trying to look at others differently, with more openness. As I walked around a grocery store yesterday, I felt the desire to be more tenderhearted. Later in the day I found an interesting new page to follow on Instagram (but also on Facebook), a_mug_of_life. A young filmmaker in England began posting his encounters with others by offering them a cup of tea and asking them to share their story and letting them know he was going to film their discussion. He only has 8 posts so far this year and every single person captivated me. Ordinary looking people with amazing stories of courage, perseverance, love and tenderness. Stories that I wouldn’t know if Will hadn’t offered them a cup to tea and asked them a few simple questions about their life. I look forward to new videos! I was grateful for the timely reminder, after watching the Cleveland Clinic video, of the stories that people are walking around with.

Earlier in the week I watched an interview of Padraig O Tuama, a poet, theologian and conflict mediator that I read and follow. The interview was done by, author and podcaster, Kate Bowler. If Kate sounds familiar, I’ve shared her writing in the past, but last week shared parts of her interview with retired Duke basketball coach, “Coach K”, regarding leadership. I like Kate but I was very curious because this wasn’t an interview pairing I would ever have imagined. Padraig was brilliant as usual, especially talking about his experience with conflicts in Ireland and his perspective on ways to see political conflict differently. He shared some precious examples of leading retreats with children and allowing them space to encounter Jesus in their imaginations, highlighting in a different way, what can happen when we nurture openness and creative thinking. Finally he shared how he approaches groups when doing conflict mediation, using the Johari Window concept of the fourth quadrant, what is unknown to the self and unknown to others. He explained that it is useful to begin by saying, I don’t know why any of those gathered are there and that, initially, what holds the group together is just the physical space of being there. He said it is fruitful to begin with an openness and willingness to nurture that space without expectations. It might allow for the imagination and curiosity to occur. Kate acknowledged that this might be helpful when we are afraid that division will “take us all apart”. Padraig replied, “Division is everywhere, the question is what we do with it.” His perspective was refreshing.

I might not be able to impact a lot of people by implementing these simple things I was reminded of this week. But I certainly can try to be more open and curious when listening to others and a little more compassionate about what others might have going on in their lives when I encounter them. I dare to say that this perspective would do us all a bit of good.

I’d love to hear from you if you have the opportunity to watch the videos or visit Will’s social media page.

Wishing you abundant peace this week, Deena

Photo: A piazza in Assisi where I enjoyed an expresso during my 2023 pilgrimage.

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Simple Joy

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, A life worth living, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Jubilee Year of Hope, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Seeing things in a new way, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

On Friday as I was preparing to drive back home after a doctor appointment, I remembered that the Chicago Cubs Spring Training game was about to begin. I opened the sports app on my phone and clicked on the game. I was immediately treated to images of sunshine, short sleeves, people enjoying the day on the outfield grass areas and players warming up on the field. Then I heard the voices of the announcers, it was like hearing the voice of a friend that you haven’t talked to in a long time. As I drove home and listened to the game, I was filled with a lightness and feeling of normalcy that I haven’t felt in a long time. For a few hours, the world disappeared in the background.

Earlier in the week I opened an email from National Geographic with a stunning photo of a young student in India running down a steamy railroad track in the Ghum station of the Darjeeling Himalayan Railway. The writer/photographer (Sara Hylton) was writing of this experience in India. She has been living there, escaping life in the West after the death of her father. In that instant the figure caught her attention and she captured the photo of the young boy. She stated that her journey of grief, and daily activities in India, transformed her. She learned that “it’s that what comes next will bring its own magic. New colors, more light, waiting to be revealed.”

Fortunately, as of 5 a.m. this morning, Pope Francis was reported to have had a “peaceful ninth night” in the Gemelli Hospital in Rome. The news of his illness has been of a great concern to me, my friends and the world. Pope Francis is a pervasive voice of hope, love, peace and care for the world, especially those in need. We need his voice now more than ever. I worry for his health and well-being, but for the world if we lose this great shepherd.

The news with the disturbing images of chainsaws and gloating posts of migrants detained in chains with the comment “this will make you feel good” can send me over the edge. How can this possibly make anyone feel good? As mentioned last week, I have been staying away from the news. But even in an attempt to find and share something positive on social media, the glaring images overwhelm the page, resulting in less time spent there as well. As a result, life has become more quiet and peaceful each evening in my home. I enjoy the silence for reading and reflection. I even began a jigsaw puzzle! Although I can’t say that that has been a stress free experience! My friend, Cindy, assures me I will develop a process and rhythm to putting puzzles together. I will focus on that bit of encouragement.

So, where do we find relief? I suggest in the simple joys of watching the sunrise or sunset, with each sunset getting later and later each day. I dream of my plants that will begin to emerge with warmer days. My heartbeat calms watching the total bliss and carefree spirit of a sleeping cat. I look forward to meeting with a friend to discuss her plans for her trip to Italy (and potentially my own). I began reorganizing kitchen cabinets this week. I may not be able to control the chaos in the world but I can create order in the small details of my life and home. As St. Teresa of Avila is quoted as saying “The Lord walks among the pots and pans”.

In this book, The Joy of Discipleship, Pope Francis, says “Dear friends, be glad! Do not be afraid of being joyful! Don’t be afraid of joy….” Speaking of the joy that comes from closeness to God, from God’s presence in our lives, he encourages us not to be afraid of this joy and share it with others. I believe that joy comes to us in plain and uncomplicated ways if we are open to seeing it.

I invite you to consider the simple ways that you can find joy and peace each day. They may be things that you are doing every day. Linger in them just a moment longer. Notice and be present to them offering a word of gratitude for them. I am convinced that in doing so, we will see and experience moments such as these even more.

Wishing you abundant joy and peace, Deena

Reminder: A Lent Night of Reflection entitled “Make My Heart Like Your Heart: Encounter and Change of Heart” will be held on Thursday, March 20 from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Central Time. The suggested donation for the event is $19. I continue to think about the best registration process for this first offering but it might be as simple as a PayPal or Venmo payment. During the event we will reflect on the things in the world that consume our heart and attention, our need and desire to give and receive forgiveness, and ways that we can pour out our love to God in a personal and sincere way. I am excited to offer this and I hope you will be able to join me. Thank you to those who have let me know you are interested! For now, you can email me, private message me or add a comment to this post on my website adding “Retreat” to the beginning of your comment and I won’t approve (or will hide) that comment to be shown on the website.

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The light we carry

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Jubilee Year of Hope, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, waiting and reflecting2 Comments

By the great and small lights we mark our days and seasons, we brighten the night and bring warmth to our winter, and in these lights we see light…” (Catholic Household Blessings & Prayers)

Today is Candlemas. In many churches and parishes the faithful are invited to bring candles to have blessed for use during the year. The candles represent the Light of Christ in the world. Today is also known as the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord (February 2nd). It is unusual that a Feast Day has priority over a Sunday but has been elevated because it falls on a Sunday in Ordinary Time. Today’s feast is also the official end of the Christmas season marking 40 days after Jesus’ birth and the presentation of the child Jesus in the temple, according to the law. We see and ponder on this holy day the fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecy that the glory of the Lord would return to the temple (Ezekiel 10:8, the glory of the Lord left the temple but will return Ezekiel 43). Simeon, and the prophetess Anna, rejoice as they recognize what is happening. They have been waiting for this day, but they needed eyes to see. They were alert in their waiting and hoping for the coming of the Messiah.

As a Benedictine Oblate, I pray each day to hear the words of Scripture with the “ear of the heart” (Prologue of St. Benedict) but this week I also prayed to see with the “eyes of the heart”. I was seeking to see things in a new way and to have the grace to see where the Lord is leading me (and the Lord did not disappoint!).

As Mary listened to the words of Simeon, rejoicing that he has seen the Messiah but also proclaiming the sorrow Mary will encounter (“and you yourself a sword will pierce”) as she continues her unique journey in and with Jesus, she pondered or reflected on each day with Jesus and what was being revealed to her. We need to have similar eyes of faith as we make our pilgrim journey in life.

As part of night prayer each evening, we pray the beautiful words of Simeon “Lord, now let your servant go in peace; your word has been fulfilled: my own eyes have seen the salvation which you prepared in the sight of every people: a light to reveal you to the nations and the glory of the people Israel.”

May our eyes be open to the Light. May we remember that we carry that Light with us and bring it to others. May we look for the ways we encounter the Christ each day and then rejoice as we close our eyes, as we prepare to rest, each night.

“In the beauty of these candles, keep us in quiet and in peace, keep us safe and turn our hearts to you that we may ourselves be light for our world.” (Catholic Household Blessings & Prayers)

Note: As a follow up to my mention of a new undertaking, True to Self Living, that I will be introducing this Spring or Summer, I would like to share something that I have been praying about this week. I am working on a Lent night of reflection and prayer, later in March. “Make my heart like your heart” will be an evening of listening to prayer, reflecting on the words of scripture as we make our Lenten journey, time for discussion and even a little personal creative reflection for our prayer. More details to follow and I hope you will be drawn to consider this as part of your Lenten prayer.

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Freely choose what seems good

On By dpavinatoIn A life worth living, a season of hope, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, discernment, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Fruit of the Spirit, Jubilee Year of Hope, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journey2 Comments

Have you ever spent so much time weighing options, an action to take or a decision to make, that you never really take a step or make a move? “What is the better of these two choices? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I don’t have enough information to decide?” We can paralyze ourselves with indecision.

This past week was the feast day of St. Francis de Sales, a saint known for his kind and gentle spiritual direction. St. Francis de Sales is a Doctor of the Catholic Church, The Doctor of Divine Love. The title of Doctor is given to saints who are recognized for having a significant impact on theology or doctrine as a result of their work and writing/teaching. He was the spiritual director to St. Jane de Chantal, another saint I regard highly because of her courage and patience in the face of the challenges she encountered and her desire to help others, especially the poor. St. Francis de Sales reminded St. Jane, when she desired to enter a religious community after the death of her husband, that there was holiness in her daily tasks as a mother and that being faithful to the real life in front of her each day was a way to become holy. Eventually he counseled her to begin a new order of women, The Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary or The Visitation Sisters. St. Francis also had a temper and struggled with resentment, but he believed that the spiritual life is made up of mistakes we learn and grow from. For this reason, I also have a special fondness for him and his teaching.

He wrote of making decisions, especially when faced with two good options, “as S. Basil says, freely choose what seems to us good, so as not to weary our spirit, lose time, and put ourselves in danger of disquiet, scruples, and superstition. But I mean always where there is no great disproportion between the two works, and where there is no considerable circumstance on one side more than on the other.” He said that we should pray and ask for clarity from the Holy Spirit, seek the guidance of a spiritual director or one or two spiritual friends and then “devoutly, peacefully, and firmly keep and pursue it.”

We can hold ourselves back by saying that we don’t have this skill or aptitude or that someone else is better equipped with a particular gift. We can focus on the abilities of others and neglect to see the good that we can do with the talents we have been given.

Today and last Sunday, Second and Third Sunday in Ordinary Time, the second reading has been from the Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians. In this letter, St. Paul is advising the church of Corinth that the Spirit of God gives different gifts and forms of service, different parts of the body that all make up the Body of Christ. We are all given our own unique talent to serve those around us. Each of these is necessary for a healthy and thriving community. All of these gifts are valuable to the whole.

In another profound weekly article by Maria Shriver, she considers how to find peace in the world, peace after the devastation of the LA Fires and peace as we navigate change in our country. She states that the way to build something new is to build from within, “to get quiet, to truly bring our peaceful selves to the table.” “Listening, trying to understand, caring for another, loving another, bestowing grace, forgiveness, kindness, and mercy on another—that’s something each of us can do.” Simple but dramatic ways to have an impact.

I have been considering this for myself, in this new year of 2025. Beginning this Spring, I will be adding a new page to this site (or perhaps a new site), mini-courses and ways to connect with each other as I launch a new venture into the world. True To Self Living will be a journey of being our most authentic self in the world. We will use practices from various disciplines such as faith and spirituality, mindfulness, creativity and wellness to live a life that allows the full expression of who we are, a way to come home to ourselves. I believe, like Maria, that when we do this we also have a positive impact on the world.

What gifts do you have and offer to those around you? In what ways do you, or can you, serve your family and friends, making a positive impact on their day? What ways might you get quiet and bring peace and concern, a gentleness like St. Francis de Sales, to those you encounter? Let’s work together to bring peace to the world in a way that only we can.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Image: a sign I saw on the wall at Tea Room at the Depot in Mackinaw, IL.

Blessing the home of your life

On By dpavinatoIn a season of hope, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, epiphany, Every day Catholic, Jubilee Year of Hope, sacred seeing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality2 Comments

Before sitting down to write this morning I used my blessed chalk to mark the inside and outside door of my home. It’s a beautiful tradition, on the Feast of the Epiphany, in the Catholic Church to chalk the doors and speak a blessing over the home and all who might enter it during the new year. (I have shared the Blessing Prayer in a previous Epiphany post, but you can easily find it online, and have included an image of my door for 2025 on the website version of my blog). It reminded me of a poem I read by Jan Richardson for New Year’s Eve.

Her poem was “This Year as a House”. (You can find it on her Facebook page.) She began by saying:

Think of the year

as a house:

door flung wide

in welcome,

threshold swept

and waiting,

a graced spaciousness

opening and offering itself

to you.

It’s a beautiful poem that reflects on the year being a home of welcome and rest, a place of safety and support for those in need. She concludes the poem with a blessing that the rooms are filled with ordinary grace and light to welcome others home.

Like most of you I have been spending this week reflecting on intentions for the new year. I prefer intentions versus resolutions because they can be adapted and changed as I do through the year. Praying that the words of Jan Richardson’s poem fill my life and home, I am looking forward to a year of rest from the weariness of the world, health in mind, body, and spirit, and an openness to what the new year will bring. I seek spaciousness for prayer, art and reflection, and the graces that those simple activities can bring.

I have started a couple of other prayerful journeys for 2025 and I look forward to attending my friend, Judith Valente’s retreat, next Saturday, January 11, Writing the Prologue to Your New Year (click here to register). I think this will be my third or fourth year attending and find it such a gift to reflect on the past year and then look ahead to this new year.

The Magi set their course based on a star. They charted their journey and kept going until their encounter with the Christ Child, Mary and Joseph. Set your eyes on a star this year. What do you seek? What would you hope to have experienced when you look back on 2025 next December and January?

Wishing you abundant peace and joy in this new year! Deena

Photo: A mosiac of the 3 Magi worshipping the Christ Child from Our Lady of Angels Chapel/nursing home (sadly now closed) in Joliet IL. I used this previously in a post but it’s one of my favorites!

Other Photos: The Chapel of Our Lady of Angels Chapel, the mantel of my door chalked with the 2025 blessing and the Magi added to our creche at Holy Family Parish.

Despair can turn to hope

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, hope and healing, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

During my mother’s hospital stay, after falling and needing neck/spinal cord surgery then rehab, she mentioned a lump on her neck which the biopsy indicated was cancer. We left the hospital on Saturday with an appointment to meet with a doctor and discuss cancer treatment the following Monday. I was so fortunate that I worked from home and for two amazing women, Brigid and Trish, who understood that sometimes I would be working from the cancer center and that there might be interruptions during the day to care for my mom. I couldn’t have had a better situation at that time, the flexibility so helpful for her two-year battle and the care it required.

After she died I was in a deep despair. I went through the motions of work and the holidays. My mother lived with me, so everything in this house reminded me of her. I would get up from my desk and look toward her chair or the dining room table, as if still checking on her to see how she was doing.

The following January we had an organizational change at work and I was asked to meet with the new director of our department and discuss a supervisor role for the support team for our department that were working in a local customer service center. I met with him, instantly liked him, and he asked me to consider the job. I said that I enjoyed working from home, being productive in the quiet of my home office versus constant activity of a customer service center and asked whether it would be possible for me to work at 2-3 days from home and visit the center and the team the other days. He said yes and we agreed that I would begin the new role. The Friday before I was to begin he called to say that he thought about it and felt that my presence with the team would be required 5 days a week. I was so disappointed and thought about quitting but convinced myself to give it a try. It was exactly what I needed but it took me a few months to see it. Being somewhere else, outside of my house, forced me into new rhythms and being with others. The job gave me a team to care about and make changes that the organization wanted. I had tasks to focus on. I had to trust that life was going to be ok for me again. I had to turn to hope as the way out of my pain.

I read a beautiful post this week by poet and author, David Whyte, (from his book Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words) who describes despair as a haven, a last protection, “a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest; it is a loss of horizon, it is the place we go when we do not want to be found in the same way anymore.”

He goes on to say that the “antidote to despair is not to be found in the brave attempt to cheer ourselves up with happy abstracts, but in paying a profound and courageous attention to the body and the breath, independent of our imprisoning thoughts and stories, even, in paying attention to despair itself, and the way we hold it, and which we realize, was never ours to own and to hold in the first place.”

If you are feeling despair for any reason this week, please honor that within your spirit. Take the time you need to honor the healing that is required. Don’t run from it. Don’t brush away the feelings as if they don’t exist. Breathe and find ways to honor your body, your spirit and what you need to feel energized again. When you are ready, find activities that nourish your spirit. Be with like-minded people. Ignore negativity as best you can. Realize that true healing only occurs by going through and not around the source of the wound or hurt. Move forward with compassion and curiosity.

Then when you are ready offer the light you are to others. Be a source of hope. We need it now more than ever!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Butters in his happy place. If you have one, watch your cat or dog, they embody resilience!

Make my heart like your heart

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, Every day Catholic, Sacred Heart of Jesus, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

Early this morning there was a beautiful frost on the ground. It wasn’t the first frost of the Fall but the scene stopped me and invited me pause and reflect on its beauty. As I sat to journal and do my Examen from Saturday, I watched the sun begin to grow higher and brighter in the sky, which then resulted in a slow and steady line of frost that was being melted by the sun. The patch of frost remaining, grew smaller and smaller. Eventually it was gone.

I thought about the human heart, the wounds we all hold and carry with us. The times we have been hurt and the times we have hurt others. Healing is a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight and I have learned I can’t do it on my own. In our human frailty, it’s not possible. We need the Love that always loves, always forgives, always desires what is best for us.

This past summer I developed a new interest and fondness to the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As a Catholic I have grown up aware of the devotion but it’s never been a regular part of my prayer life. But I was praying for answers, for clarity and direction. Entering into prayer each day, using a novena prayer, I began a process of sharing all that was on my heart with Jesus. Then things got hard again and I stopped. (You can insert the game show buzzer at this point, “wrong answer!”)

When I learned that Pope Francis had written a new encyclical on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I was excited, as if waiting for a gift on Christmas. I set my alarm this past Thursday, woke up early to visit Vatican News, and begin reading the encyclical, Dilexit Nos, a Latin expression that means “He has loved us”. I have had the time and space to spend more time reading it, and reflecting on the deep wisdom, this weekend. I already have my digital version marked up with favorite quotes and insights to ponder. It’s a beautiful treatise on the human and divine love of Jesus expressed through his Sacred Heart.

I have returned to one of the thoughts shared in the encyclical several times since reading it. Pope Francis says “If we devalue the heart, we also devalue what it means to speak from the heart, to act with the heart, to cultivate and heal the heart. If we fail to appreciate the specificity of the heart, we miss the messages that the mind alone cannot communicate; we miss out on the richness of our encounters with others; we miss out on poetry. We also lose track of history and our own past, since our real personal history is built with the heart. At the end of our lives, that alone will matter.” Later in that section, he says, “It could be said, then, that I am my heart, for my heart is what sets me apart, shapes my spiritual identity and puts me in communion with other people.”

My heart is what sets me apart.

Three times in his gospel, Luke writes that “Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.” Over the past month or so, the idea of allowing myself to explore the deep desires and wounds in my heart has become stronger. I have begun to see an integral connection between my studies in counseling and the spiritual life. I want to dig in and study more about this relationship. I have heard Sr. Miriam James Heidland, SOLT, speak of this level of healing in many of her talks. She has said that “The past is the past unless it’s being lived out in the present”. We think we can mask the wounds and say “it doesn’t matter” or if we manage it well enough no one will notice, but can we? She speaks eloquently about the reasons for our behavior, that we are doing what we are doing because our hearts have been broken. We allow things to come out, in healing therapy or spiritual direction, so that we can heal them.

The best gift we can give ourselves is to take those wounds or concerns and bring them, open handed, and give them over to the wounded heart of Jesus who knows all the same hurts, betrayals, abandonment that we experience. But the difference is that Jesus is centered in love and his relationship with the Father. He will not judge, he will not condemn, he will only offer love and an invitation to come closer. “The heart of Jesus is ‘the natural sign and symbol of his boundless love.'”

The more we grow in trust of that Love, the more we are able to offer that love to others.

Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like your own.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: A stained glass window of the Sacred Heart, St Scholastica and St. Gertrude at St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas

Link to Dilexit Nos: https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2024-10/he-loved-us-the-pope-s-encyclical-on-the-sacred-heart.html

Coming home to myself

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

I traveled as part of my job as a sales operations manager for a corporation before retiring. Most of my customers were on the west coast so it was almost always air travel from O’Hare Airport versus a car trip. As I returned from each business trip, traveling on interstates 294 and 55 then on to I80 which crosses Illinois from east to west, I would literally feel the tension in my body diminishing once I got past the distribution centers on 80 heading west toward the “Illinois Valley”. As I left the crowded industrial areas and began to see the corn and bean fields, even in the winter with no plants growing, I could breathe again. I knew I was headed home.

Lately I have felt a congestion in my spirit, much like traveling in those suburban areas near the airport. I let worrying about personal responsibilities and working too many hours fan a flame within. It was certainly my choice to work more due to some circumstances and tasks that needed to be completed for the ministry work I do. Regarding personal concerns, I know that worrying about life doesn’t change the circumstance but somehow I keep revisiting the concerns as if the more I think about it the more likely it will change. But like the taper that I use to put out the candles after Saturday Vigil Masses at my parish, I was slowly putting out a light within.

This week a friend and I returned to Anderson Japanese Gardens in Rockford, Il to see the colors of Fall in the lush gardens. The minute we set foot on the path leaving the Welcome Center, I took a deep breath of the cool Fall air, the smell of wood and leaves, and felt my body relax again. I relaxed to a place within that I hadn’t felt in months. We crossed the Giboshi Bridge, also called the “devotion bridge”, the Alaskan yellow cedar bridge with giboshi black finials on the posts, recently renovated, with the intention of leaving the dust of the world behind, as recommended by our docent during our visit in June. The trees, colors of the leaves, occasional mum in pots, the ducks and geese in the ponds, and the flowing waters helped bring about a sense of inner peace and contentment.

Later in the week I attended a discussion meeting, with other Benedictine Oblates, at the monastery of the Sisters of St. Benedict at St. Mary Monastery. We were discussing the process of invitation and formation of oblates to our Benedictine Oblate community. There are 25,000 Benedictine Oblates worldwide, each of us associated with specific monasteries or communities. Our monastery oblate groups are located within 7 locations in Central Illinois and Indiana. As the number of sisters at the monastery decreases, and the sisters age, we discussed how important it was to begin to take on the responsibilities of inviting new people to consider the oblate life of prayer and study. We acknowledged statistics that reflect a growing desire in men and women to find spiritual support and meaning beyond parish life. As we discussed our Benedictine values, and the oblate life we are committed to, again I felt a serenity within.

On the evening of the full “supermoon” this week, I shared an article on my personal Facebook page written by Brother Guy Consolmagno SJ, Director of the Vatican Observatory. Brother Guy recommended a daily practice of looking at the heavens each evening, even if just for a few minutes. He stated that by doing so we become attuned to the natural rhythms of our world and cosmos and are reminded of something greater than ourselves. But I would add that we also begin to sense our place in a greater purpose and reason for being. As I stepped outside after reading the article I gazed up at the gorgeous moon shining brightly in the evening sky and once again, I felt at home within. I felt peace and contentment. I felt alive.

This week I invite you to consider the times and places that you feel that you come home to yourself, places that you know you are being and in touch with your true authentic self and your relationship with God. If you haven’t been visiting those places, or doing things that make you feel alive in your spirit, what might you do so that you experience it again? It just might be as simple as looking at gorgeous Fall colors and breathing deeply!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: The Giboshi Bridge at Anderson Japanese Gardens in October. I shared a photo of the bridge earlier this year in a post. The Fall colors beyond the bridge were stunning.