Category: spiritual healing

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Listen and hear

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, A life worth living, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Jubilee Year of Hope, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

On Friday of this week I read the daily reflection by Fr. Michael Casey, “Christ in our ear” in Give Us This Day. We studied Fr. Casey’s books in our Benedictine Oblate study so, when I see his name in the daily reflections, I am always ready to listen to what he has to say. Early in his post he says “The world is full of surprises and it is only by responding creatively to the unexpected that we allow the full power of our latent potential to emerge. Mere routine can’t do this.” As I have been trying to contemplate a more creative perspective of my retirement years, I was moved by that statement.

I also reflected on the previous day. I sat glued to my computer screen on Thursday morning, believing for some reason that the vote for our new Pope would come early. All of the announcers were saying if the vote came Thursday, it would more likely be the vote later in the day. I kept watching, I had an inkling to stay put. But I still gasped as I saw the white smoke swirl from the chimney around the pair of doves and their little one on the roof of the Sistine Chapel. “We have a Pope” I quickly texted friends!

To learn that an American, Illinois-born, dual citizen of Peru and missionary, was selected to be our Pope was a complete surprise. I saw Cardinal Prevost’s name on lists but never in a million years would I have imagined an American pope! Seeing his experience, it’s easy to understand how his brother Cardinals placed their confidence in his ability but it still seems unbelievable, in the most wonderful way! Every video I watch and Vatican News update on his speeches and homilies excite me even more. He is a man of deep faith. A man of service, asking “God to help us all live “in service to one another…capable of helping one another to walk in love and truth.” He is a voice of peace and building bridges. A voice that we so desperately need!

I watched all the reports and commentaries about his vocation story. It was fascinating to learn that even as a young boy he knew he wanted to be a priest, then discerned the life of an Augustinian friar and missionary priest vs Diocesan life. I was touched by his visit to a Shrine outside of Rome, dedicated to the Mother of Good Counsel in Genazzano which has been run by Augustinians since the 1200’s. He made his profession to the Order of Saint Augustine in the Province of Our Lady of Good Counsel of Chicago in 1978 then solemn vows in 1981. Our Lady of Good Counsel is a special Marian title to me, so I love his devotion to her under that name. (And the image I selected, from a chapel I visited on the grounds of the Shrine of our Lady of Guadalupe in LaCrosse, WI for today’s blog).

On Saturday evening I watched the debut of a rookie pitcher in a Chicago Cubs game against the New York Mets. Cade Horton’s mother shared the joy of seeing her son’s dream come true. She shared that he wanted to be a baseball player since he was little and the broadcasters shared an adorable t-ball picture in a Cubs jersey.

I only know one other person, personally, who has been laser focused on what they wanted to be from a very young age. Seeing that dream come to life for him has been an inspiring journey. He also is someone I see as destined for greatness in his career. I wonder about hearing a call and having the courage to remain steadfast to it throughout life. Do some of us know early? Do some have a special ability to hear and respond to a call?

A few years ago someone wrote me and stated that, throughout my life, I have been ignoring a call to religious life. That may or may not be true, but I responded that there are many ways to respond to God’s call and that I felt living a single life, outside of a community, was my journey. But somehow I am still on a path of discernment. Would that be the case if I had said “yes” to the invitation in the 1990’s?

In a small book on discernment of personal vocation through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, Fr. Herbert Alphonso, S.J. says that the unique, true and deepest part of the self is our personal vocation. He suggests that the deepest transformation in any of our lives takes place when we live out that vocation. It doesn’t have to be to religious life (but my continued prayers for all those who choose this as their path in life), or have to be discerned early or late in chronological years. But he shares from his years of experience walking with and leading individuals through the Exercises and retreats, that confirmation of a personal vocation is “written into one’s concrete history and into the inner dynamism (that is, movement of the inner forces) of one’s life.” He goes on to say that the manifestation of that vocation may change with life circumstances but the unique way that the Spirit calls us never changes. (Discovering Your Personal Vocation, Herbert Alphonso, SJ)

Perhaps some of us listen more carefully. Maybe some of us are more stubborn. But I turn to the Saints and great teachers of my faith to know that sometimes the response to the call happens at various stages in life. I have hope in that knowledge.

Fr. Casey in his reflection, mentioned above, states that we would be wise to consider that God may be speaking to us even when our lives are turning out a little different than expected. That perhaps we are being asked to change course. The key is listening and remaining open.

He concluded his reflection by suggesting that we respond, not expecting to understand what we are called to completely, it remains a mystery for us but that “Saying ‘Yes’ gives us entrance to a world beyond our reasoning”.

This week let us be open to hearing that small voice that calls us to more in life. Let us pray for the grace to be receptive to an invitation to change course if needed or simply a more discerning ear to listen. In doing so, let it bring forth more surprises and peace as we live out our individual and unique call in life.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

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A heart burning with desire

On By dpavinatoIn A life worth living, a season of hope, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Daily Prayer, discernment, Easter Hope, Every day Catholic, Ignatian prayer, Jubilee Year of Hope, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

Last week I saw the movie released about Blessed Carlo Acutis, the impact of technology on us, and how Carlo used technology, by creating a website on Eucharistic Miracles, to spread his message of the importance of the Eucharist. Carlo was a 15-year-old Italian teenager known for his devotion to the Eucharist. His canonization, as the first millennial saint, was postponed, from April 27, due to the death and funeral of Pope Francis. Besides being an amazing young man, he is also the new patron of the Catholic grade schools that will consolidate in my home town area in The Fall. I attended the movie with two friends, Kelly and Mark. Kelly and I are parish point people for the Eucharistic Revival, for which Carlo is a selected “intercessor”, so we enjoyed seeing the bonus video at the end with highlights from this past summer’s National Eucharistic Congress. As I watched it I felt my heart fill with the same emotions that I experienced during the events of the Congress in July of 2024.

But, I wondered where those feelings of excitement and passion for the Revival went? Did they leave me, were they lost forever? Did I just get busy and forget about the importance of the topics discussed during the keynote speeches and guided prayer? Did I let others things take their place?

Later in the week, I talked to my spiritual director about my experiences during Lent, Easter and the death of Pope Francis. I commented that life got so busy at the end of Lent, that I felt I rushed through those final sacred days of Triduum and Easter. While I felt Lent and Holy Week were deeply transformative this year, I lamented that I didn’t want the intensity of the penitential days to go away. I wanted to be transformed by them, to make sure the experiences carried on beyond the Easter season. I wanted a life that reflected my beliefs as I mused on how Pope Francis lived his life. He was a Jesuit during his priesthood and papacy, keenly aware of the teachings of St. Ignatius, shaped by the Spiritual Exercises and discernment. He was a Contemplative in Action, one of the ideals of Christian life and Jesuit spirituality. He lived what he believed.

I asked “who am I now that Lent is over?” How do I feel I am being called to live the grace of resurrected life beyond Easter?

It became clear as we talked that rather than viewing these feelings as regret over something that didn’t last, it was, in fact, an invitation by the Holy Spirit to go deeper, to enter the mystery and grace of life with the risen Christ more fully. The desire was welling up in such a way that the resistance to moving in that direction could easily feel like sorrow and discouragement. I prayed for the ability to see that truth more clearly as I discerned what I was being called to. Later that day, I reflected on the gospel story of the disciples on the Road to Emmaus (Easter Wednesday, Luke 24: 13-35).

In the gospel account, Jesus walks with some of his disciples, who are so focused on his death, they can’t recognize who is standing in their midst and what is happening as Jesus discusses all the prophecies of his ministry, death and resurrection.

My heart burned with desire to live life differently, so much that I almost missed the invitation to go deeper. I focused on what I thought I lost instead of the Spirit inviting me into a deeper union.

How often do we miss these occasions of grace? How often do our hearts burn to move closer to Christ and our mission in life? How often do we pray and focus on the change we desire that we miss a potential opportunity to look at a situation in a new way?

Would you be willing, this week, when things look like they aren’t going the way you would like them to, or you are wrestling with a deep desire for change, that you might pause and look for a threshold moment to live in deeper grace, faith and hope? What are you being called to embrace, what new perspective is waiting for your glance and awareness?

As always, I would love to hear from you, in a private message or in a comment, as you reflect on these invitations this week.

Wishing you abundant peace and hope, Deena

Photo: a fire burning at Stronghold Retreat Center this weekend.

A revolutionary vision

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, a season of hope, Art and new vision, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Jubilee Year of Hope, Sacred Heart of Jesus, Sacred Heart of Jesus, spiritual healing, sacred listening, sacred seeing, Seeing things in a new way, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

Lately the range of emotions I experience each day feel as though I am riding a roller coaster. I might note, I am not a fan of roller coasters! I try to ignore the news and take deep breaths but it can be overwhelming. I stopped watching the news (preferring to read updates by well versed political historians and fact-finders) but still come across posts with quotes by our leaders, elected or not, that are filled with such hate, delusion and self supremacy that I feel like giving up completely. But I know it is not the time to give in or to be silent. I also know that the people and things of this world are not the things that really matter, they are not my ultimate purpose or goal. My stability and sanity come from trying to balance each day with things that bring some relief, some joy, some hope. Thankfully there are an abundance of uplifting and life-giving posts, essays, articles and events that help me counter the negativity and vitriol.

As my thoughts for writing this post jumbled around all week, I thought of sharing an experience I had a couple of weekends ago, attending a fireside poetry reading by Scottish poet Kenneth Steven, hosted by friend Pat Leyko Connelly, also a published poet. He read from his book, Atoms of Delight: Ten Pilgrimages in Nature. I won’t share more details of the event as my friend Judith Valente, does so eloquently this morning, in her blog, along with other thoughtful reflections on finding wonder during these turbulent times. But, a significant moment during the event came for me as Kenneth Steven read a story of one of the significant “atoms of delight” in his life, being the first to gather the freshly fallen chestnuts from a tree in the early dawn. I recalled one of my own “atoms”. I spent some of my grade school years living in a small town in the area of the Catskill Mountains in New York. In a wooded area behind our home there was a huge rock (likely only 5 feet but in my memory it was massive) and giant pine trees. We would venture in the freshly fallen snow, shake the tree branches on each other and play on and around the rock. It was my own personal energy portal. Nature was alive and filled me with joy and wonder, an “atom of delight”.

In a personal post on social media this weekend I shared an article entitled “A Spell Against Stagnation”, a reflection on the writings of John O’Donohue, another poet that lifts my heart and spirit, on a site called The Marginalian (link to website but you can find on Facebook). Founder Maria Popova shares articles with endless links and spirals of creativity and nourishment. Statements from Maria, like “Kneeling to look at a lichen is a devotional act”, remind me to stop and look for those moments of wonder. I appreciate the beauty and sensitivity of her artwork, bird divinations, from An Almanac of Birds: Divinations for Uncertain Days which you can find on her website or Facebook page (and soon available in a card deck as a pre-order on Amazon).

Another simple practice that I implement each day as part of morning and/or evening prayer is a gratitude or wonder list. In a blog or article by writer and retreat facilitator, Mary DeTurris Poust, I was intrigued by a different approach to my daily list. Mary shared that she numbers her three daily posts in an ongoing list, which was now in the thousands. I began mine at the time of the reading and as of this morning have reached 215. This list is part of my daily Examen (a practice of reflecting on the graces, consolations and desolations of each day) journal. It helps me look for those moments of wonder, those small “atoms of delight” in each day.

Today a homily written by Pope Francis, read by Cardinal Jose Tolentino de Mendoza, challenged artists [poets, writers, visual artists…] to be “witnesses of the revolutionary vision of the Beatitudes”. The Pope said that living the Beatitudes and expressing them in art [and I would add the expression of our lives] was a way to reveal “ truth and goodness …hidden within the folds of history”, and “giving voice to the voiceless”. “‘Artists have the task, the Pope said, of “helping humanity not to lose its way’”. (Vatican News, February 16, 2025)

If you seek solace these days I encourage you to read poetry, listen to music or reflect on art. Visit some of the writers or poets I mention today or find others that inspire you to look at life differently. If you write, continue to do so. If you draw, paint or create mixed media journals, keep going. If you have longed to pick up and learn to play a musical instrument, it’s not too late. Do it for you, not to change the world at large, but to change yours. Find joy and express it. It just might make each day a bit more lovely!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Another note: I mentioned offering a Lent Night of Reflection a couple of weeks ago. I am still working on a webpage and more sophisticated registration process, but that all takes time. I decided to move forward anyway. The mini retreat will be “Make My Heart Like Your Heart: Encounter and Change of Heart” on Thursday, March 20 from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Central Time. The suggested donation for the event is $19. I will keep working on a registration process but it might be as simple as a PayPal or Venmo payment for my first event. During the event we will reflect on the things in the world that consume our heart and attention, our need and desire to give and receive forgiveness, and ways that we can pour out our love to God in a personal and sincere way. I am excited to offer this and I hope you will be able to join me. For now, you can email me, private message me or add a comment to this post on my website adding “Retreat” to the beginning of your comment and I won’t approve (or will hide) that comment to be shown on the website.

Photo: A print of Bernini’s “The Ecstacy of St. Teresa of Avila” that hangs in my office.

Advent 4th Sunday – From darkness to light

On By dpavinatoIn advent, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Saints as Models & Guides, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, Uncategorized, waiting and reflectingLeave a comment

The Gospel for the Fourth Sunday of Advent is the Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth (Luke 1: 39-45). It may be my favorite passage in the New Testament, if not, definitely in the top 5. Once we get to Easter, then the encounter of Jesus and Mary Magdalene feels like my favorite. Here is what I know for sure, each of the New Testament scriptures that touch me most deeply are gospels of encounter.

The image I selected today was a postcard given to me by my pastor, Fr. Tony, in the early years of my adult faith formation. I was beginning to seriously consider what I was being called to do and be in life, what following Jesus means and reflecting on my Catholic faith honestly, all the aspects, worthy and true and sadly, not so admirable. I was considering different ministries and religious communities at the time and we talked about the encounter of Mary and Elizabeth and the opportunities of ministering to other women. This postcard depicts an icon titled “Mary visits Elizabeth” (1984) painted by Sr. Joan Tuberty. I love that their skin tones are darker, as women of the Middle East. I love the soulful gaze of each woman, eye to eye, peering deep, seeing a truth, deeper than the eye can see. In a community newsletter, Sr Joan, an accomplished iconographer, said “Icons are scripture visualized and companions for our spiritual journey.” This icon has been a companion on my journey the past 30 years.

As we end our Advent journey, today and tomorrow, rather than write a reflection for you, I invite you to sit with this icon, or another image that speaks to you, of the encounter of Mary and Elizabeth. Elizabeth realizes who she is encountering in Mary. We wait with peace, hope, joy and love in the only One who can transform our lives and give meaning. Yes, the gathering and celebrations are wonderful. I anticipate the excitement of my niece’s children as they open their gifts. But cliche as it is, there is only one ‘reason for the season’. How will you encounter the Christ Child on Christmas Day? Are you aware of and open to the encounter of Jesus in others and in your daily life? As Fr. Mike Schmitz, Ascension Press, has said in his YouTube videos this Advent, what if this Christmas you didn’t wake up, would you be ready to encounter God?

The Advent season has been a time of preparing – to remember the infant Jesus born to Mary and Joseph over 2000 years ago, the coming of the Christ at the end of time, and the encounter with God we each will experience when our lives have ended. As we have turned the corner on the shortest day of the year and begin to experience increasing light each day, my hope is that your days will be filled with the Light and the incomprehensible Love of Christ for each of us.

Wishing you abundant peace, joy and love, Deena

Note: For those of you who may not be Christian and read this, I apologize for not being familiar with the tradition and rituals you are keeping at this time of year. I wish you the joy of being uplifted by your celebrations as well.

Photo Credit: A Postcard of the icon by Sr. Joan Tuberty, Franciscan Sisters of Little Falls, MN., mentioned in this blog.

Advent 3rd Sunday – From darkness to light

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, advent, Catholic faith, contemplation, Life in the Spirit, sacred listening, sacred waiting, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, waiting and reflectingLeave a comment

This Sunday is Gaudete Sunday, the Third Sunday of Advent. We light the rose candle, the joy candle on our Advent wreaths. Gaudete means Rejoice! Even if you have not been familiar with this particular Sunday in the beginning of our liturgical year in the Church, you have undoubtedly heard the Latin word in Enya’s version of O Come O Come Emmanuel or other versions of the traditional Advent song.

As I prepare for Christmas this year, I seek that joy. Not giddy happiness or pleasure but a divine, deeply rooted in the heart and spirit, joy. A joy that doesn’t get squashed out by the stress of not having my baking or shopping done (or started!) or the feeling that the slow-paced prayerful days of Advent are passing me by despite my best efforts to savor it this year.

The world feels dark, easily experienced when turning on the news. I am relieved that the Syrian rebels have sent Assad fleeing from the country after toppling his regime, but now the news of his enormous stockpiling of wealth and the cruel and brutal treatment of prisoners is made known. It is overwhelming. I am not surprised reading a news update that Russia offers him asylum. I even tire of Facebook because of all the ads to shop, none of the ideas that appeal to me for those I want to shop for. There are countless stories of countries, and the people who live there, in need due to weather events. Then there are all the random posts of pets found alone and hungry because people just left them alone when moving. It’s all too much. How, where do we find joy?

Pope Francis has often reminded us to live with real joy. Even as he ages, joy is almost always visible in his encounters with others. In his final event in Corsica today, his 47th apostolic journey, in his homily at a Mass, “the Pope encouraged the faithful to embrace a joyful expectation of the Lord’s coming. Christian joy, he explained, “is neither shallow nor ephemeral”. On the contrary, it is a joy rooted in the heart and built on a solid foundation. He recalled the words of the prophet Zephaniah, who called his people to rejoice because the Lord was in their midst, bringing victory and salvation. “The Lord’s coming brings us salvation: that is the reason for our joy”, he said. This joy, the Pope explained, is not about forgetting life’s hardships but rather finding strength and peace in the presence of God.”” He says that the more we focus on ourselves and the concerns of the world, we lose sight of God’s providence and guidance. The answer lies in prayer and our focus on the promises of Christ. (Source: Vatican News)

In his apostolic exhortation, The Joy of the Gospel, it was determined that he used the word joy 110 times. In his exhortation, Pope Francis writes about a joy, living a life with Christ and the Gospel, that cannot be taken away by the things of this world. For him joy is “something beautiful, capable of filling life with new splendor and profound joy, even in the midst of difficulties.” Who doesn’t yearn for that? I certainly do.

I picked up a beautiful book this week, after listening to the first two weeks of their Advent podcast, Encountering Emmanuel, on the station Abiding Together. Sr. Miriam James Heidland, a woman religious who has deeply impacted my faith life with her story of healing and relationship with Jesus, along with Heather Khym and Michelle Benzinger, discuss a book written by Heather, Encountering Emmanuel: A Guided Advent Journal for Prayer and Meditation. On Monday of the First Week of Advent, Heather, talking about the Gospel of John and the Light of the World discourse, says Jesus “comes crashing through the darkness of night into a world darkened with sin. A star illuminates the way – a star that he breathed into existence and that echoed the truth of who he is, the Light in whom there is no darkness.”

That sentence, and a proclamation that Jesus “wants our whole being to be in the light”, reached the deep core of my being. It was one of those moments where billions of years collapsed into a single second, that stars created by God, illuminating the way for shepherds and wise men thousands of years ago, continues to be a symbol of hope each night as I gaze at stars, that there is a world and truth that no country, politics, or person can wipe away. Even if we destroy the planet with our careless concern for the gift of creation, the stars will shine and remind us that Jesus can and will light the dark places of our lives and the world if we are open to the encounter.

Despite the hardship, despite the turmoil, we look to God who promises us peace, hope, joy and love amidst the darkness of the world. We turn to the Light, to the tender compassion of our God, to “guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1: 78-79, Zechariah’s Canticle, the Benedictus). In that we find true joy.

Wishing you abundant peace and joy this week, Deena

Photo: The Third Week of Advent on our Advent wreath a previous year at my parish.

Despair can turn to hope

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, hope and healing, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

During my mother’s hospital stay, after falling and needing neck/spinal cord surgery then rehab, she mentioned a lump on her neck which the biopsy indicated was cancer. We left the hospital on Saturday with an appointment to meet with a doctor and discuss cancer treatment the following Monday. I was so fortunate that I worked from home and for two amazing women, Brigid and Trish, who understood that sometimes I would be working from the cancer center and that there might be interruptions during the day to care for my mom. I couldn’t have had a better situation at that time, the flexibility so helpful for her two-year battle and the care it required.

After she died I was in a deep despair. I went through the motions of work and the holidays. My mother lived with me, so everything in this house reminded me of her. I would get up from my desk and look toward her chair or the dining room table, as if still checking on her to see how she was doing.

The following January we had an organizational change at work and I was asked to meet with the new director of our department and discuss a supervisor role for the support team for our department that were working in a local customer service center. I met with him, instantly liked him, and he asked me to consider the job. I said that I enjoyed working from home, being productive in the quiet of my home office versus constant activity of a customer service center and asked whether it would be possible for me to work at 2-3 days from home and visit the center and the team the other days. He said yes and we agreed that I would begin the new role. The Friday before I was to begin he called to say that he thought about it and felt that my presence with the team would be required 5 days a week. I was so disappointed and thought about quitting but convinced myself to give it a try. It was exactly what I needed but it took me a few months to see it. Being somewhere else, outside of my house, forced me into new rhythms and being with others. The job gave me a team to care about and make changes that the organization wanted. I had tasks to focus on. I had to trust that life was going to be ok for me again. I had to turn to hope as the way out of my pain.

I read a beautiful post this week by poet and author, David Whyte, (from his book Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words) who describes despair as a haven, a last protection, “a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest; it is a loss of horizon, it is the place we go when we do not want to be found in the same way anymore.”

He goes on to say that the “antidote to despair is not to be found in the brave attempt to cheer ourselves up with happy abstracts, but in paying a profound and courageous attention to the body and the breath, independent of our imprisoning thoughts and stories, even, in paying attention to despair itself, and the way we hold it, and which we realize, was never ours to own and to hold in the first place.”

If you are feeling despair for any reason this week, please honor that within your spirit. Take the time you need to honor the healing that is required. Don’t run from it. Don’t brush away the feelings as if they don’t exist. Breathe and find ways to honor your body, your spirit and what you need to feel energized again. When you are ready, find activities that nourish your spirit. Be with like-minded people. Ignore negativity as best you can. Realize that true healing only occurs by going through and not around the source of the wound or hurt. Move forward with compassion and curiosity.

Then when you are ready offer the light you are to others. Be a source of hope. We need it now more than ever!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Butters in his happy place. If you have one, watch your cat or dog, they embody resilience!

Make my heart like your heart

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, Every day Catholic, Sacred Heart of Jesus, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

Early this morning there was a beautiful frost on the ground. It wasn’t the first frost of the Fall but the scene stopped me and invited me pause and reflect on its beauty. As I sat to journal and do my Examen from Saturday, I watched the sun begin to grow higher and brighter in the sky, which then resulted in a slow and steady line of frost that was being melted by the sun. The patch of frost remaining, grew smaller and smaller. Eventually it was gone.

I thought about the human heart, the wounds we all hold and carry with us. The times we have been hurt and the times we have hurt others. Healing is a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight and I have learned I can’t do it on my own. In our human frailty, it’s not possible. We need the Love that always loves, always forgives, always desires what is best for us.

This past summer I developed a new interest and fondness to the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As a Catholic I have grown up aware of the devotion but it’s never been a regular part of my prayer life. But I was praying for answers, for clarity and direction. Entering into prayer each day, using a novena prayer, I began a process of sharing all that was on my heart with Jesus. Then things got hard again and I stopped. (You can insert the game show buzzer at this point, “wrong answer!”)

When I learned that Pope Francis had written a new encyclical on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I was excited, as if waiting for a gift on Christmas. I set my alarm this past Thursday, woke up early to visit Vatican News, and begin reading the encyclical, Dilexit Nos, a Latin expression that means “He has loved us”. I have had the time and space to spend more time reading it, and reflecting on the deep wisdom, this weekend. I already have my digital version marked up with favorite quotes and insights to ponder. It’s a beautiful treatise on the human and divine love of Jesus expressed through his Sacred Heart.

I have returned to one of the thoughts shared in the encyclical several times since reading it. Pope Francis says “If we devalue the heart, we also devalue what it means to speak from the heart, to act with the heart, to cultivate and heal the heart. If we fail to appreciate the specificity of the heart, we miss the messages that the mind alone cannot communicate; we miss out on the richness of our encounters with others; we miss out on poetry. We also lose track of history and our own past, since our real personal history is built with the heart. At the end of our lives, that alone will matter.” Later in that section, he says, “It could be said, then, that I am my heart, for my heart is what sets me apart, shapes my spiritual identity and puts me in communion with other people.”

My heart is what sets me apart.

Three times in his gospel, Luke writes that “Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.” Over the past month or so, the idea of allowing myself to explore the deep desires and wounds in my heart has become stronger. I have begun to see an integral connection between my studies in counseling and the spiritual life. I want to dig in and study more about this relationship. I have heard Sr. Miriam James Heidland, SOLT, speak of this level of healing in many of her talks. She has said that “The past is the past unless it’s being lived out in the present”. We think we can mask the wounds and say “it doesn’t matter” or if we manage it well enough no one will notice, but can we? She speaks eloquently about the reasons for our behavior, that we are doing what we are doing because our hearts have been broken. We allow things to come out, in healing therapy or spiritual direction, so that we can heal them.

The best gift we can give ourselves is to take those wounds or concerns and bring them, open handed, and give them over to the wounded heart of Jesus who knows all the same hurts, betrayals, abandonment that we experience. But the difference is that Jesus is centered in love and his relationship with the Father. He will not judge, he will not condemn, he will only offer love and an invitation to come closer. “The heart of Jesus is ‘the natural sign and symbol of his boundless love.'”

The more we grow in trust of that Love, the more we are able to offer that love to others.

Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like your own.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: A stained glass window of the Sacred Heart, St Scholastica and St. Gertrude at St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas

Link to Dilexit Nos: https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2024-10/he-loved-us-the-pope-s-encyclical-on-the-sacred-heart.html