Friday evening I was listening to a YouTube recording of a conference talk by Monsignor James Shea of Bismarck, North Dakota. He began his talk sharing an experience he had during a flight delay, hotel layover and then subsequent flight back to North Dakota. To sum up his (humorous) introduction, he was having a bad day! He was honest about his attitude during the various events as they unfolded. While very funny, and a great introduction to the theme of his talk, I have to admit being very surprised. I had this ridiculous notion of this very intelligent and pious man living a life without the many reactions he voiced. The kinds of reactions I experience daily. I was surprised, but also relieved.

We all have those days, or perhaps weeks, when things just aren’t going the way we hoped they would or we find ourselves facing feelings we would rather ignore and stuff down, and away, out of sight and mind. But I am wise enough to know that, in the long run, that isn’t the right approach! We have to walk through those days and, leaning on support when needed, and look at the source of the feelings so that we can move through and beyond them.

Sometimes the light shines through and creates an opening when least expected.

I was reminded of this on Saturday morning by reading “Midmorning Blessing Prayer”, one of my favorites, by Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr (dec’d 2020) from her book, Seven Sacred Pauses. I can’t describe what happened except to say that the clouds parted and hope streamed in.

“What is a blessing but a rain of grace falling generously into the lives of those in need; and who among us is without need?“

Sr. Macrina’s writing has always been that glimmer of hope for me. Why did I forget picking up a favorite book of poems or blessing prayers, these past two weeks? Why didn’t I turn to the things that bring light to dark places? I reflected on those questions and realized I had a couple of answers.

First, in moments of desolation, it’s hard to remember to get up and seek a healing remedy. We don’t have the energy to seek out the very thing that might help us. St. Ignatius of Loyola would call “desolation” those times when we are feeling restless and in a state of dis-ease, when we feel hopeless or discouraged, when we might even sense that God feels far away.

I have been reminded this week, reading Experience Jesus, Really by John Eldredge and his premise that as “Disciples of the Internet” we expect immediate answers. We can Google and find out a solution to anything that might be going on in our lives. It might be true, I can find a supplement or exercise routine to feel better, but what is more likely is that I will participate in endless scrolling to distract myself. We’re “told” that prayer and mystery aren’t necessary (or desired). We also don’t see, or realize, that there is a darkness and evil at work that we need to protect ourselves from. We might not be comfortable calling that darkness “the devil” or a demon. “False spirit” or “enemy” might be easier words to use and grasp. Whatever we call it, it is a real force in the world. It’s a force we need to protect ourselves from. For another blog, but so I don’t leave you wondering, John’s book offers insight on prayer, provides several specific prayers, and suggests that the practice of being an “ordinary mystic” can bring us closer to Jesus and the refuge he offers us in a broken world.

I also reflected back to the three years, and the Ignatian wisdom I learned, while working at Ignatian Ministries. Becky’s (the founder) class series Going Past the Shallows, (GPTS) on the Ignatian Rules of Discernment, gave me a lot of insight on desolation and the false spirit, how to recognize and deal with times of desolation, and the concept of Agere Contra, meaning to fight against. (A new version of the first in the GPTS series, Ignatian Prayer Methods, is being offered this Fall.)

My pondering of my “stuckness” and desolation of the past two weeks reminded me that I need to have some things at the ready during times like this, a Toolkit so to speak, that I can turn to. All of the things I will mention were right here, alongside me, but I didn’t think to turn to them. Perhaps a list would have helped. Imagine having a list in preparation for a vacation, or young expectant parents anticipating the sudden trip to the hospital, the list makes sure we don’t forget the essential things we need to have with us.

• Reading Sr. Macrina’s, or a variety of other authors that inspire and lift me up, with a cup of tea in a quiet spot.

• Turning to a special prayer, like the St. Michael the Archangel prayer, or Litany to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Divine Mercy Chaplet or a favorite mystery of the Rosary.

• Contemplating a prayer card, a favorite image of Jesus, Mary or the saints.

• Knowing who we can turn to, a trusted friend or spiritual guide to walk with during the difficult times.

• Setting aside times of prayer for daily Mass or Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.

• Using a journal for writing, drawing or expressing yourself in some way.

What would be on your list? What do you turn to in times of need? How might they help you and how might you turn to them more quickly in the future when feeling the world weighing heavy upon you?

Wishing you abundant peace and hope, Deena

Image: My photo in the prayer chapel of Benet House, the retreat house at St Mary’s Monastery in Rock Island, where I am a Benedictine Oblate.