Category: mindfulness

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Keep careful watch

On By dpavinatoIn A life worth living, a season of hope, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, contemplation, Daily Prayer, discernment, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, Preparing for Lent, sacred listening, Seeing things in a new way, Spiritual Journey, spirituality2 Comments

A week ago I saw a beautiful painting of Bishop Mariann Budde, shared by Fr. James Martin SJ, painted by Fr. William Hart McNichols. The post shared how Fr. McNichols came to know of Bishop Budde and then his reason for painting the image after the January Prayer Breakfast. It’s entitled “Holy Living Prophet Bishop Mariann” and it is lovely! If you follow Fr. Martin on social media you can see it there or visit Fr. McNichols’ website to view this painting and his other artwork. My reason for mentioning it was the first comment that appeared as I read the post by Fr. Martin. Besides spending much less time on social media since January, I have been staying away from the comment section on any post. But sometimes Facebook decides that I need to see it below the post. Even the most mundane posts seem to give someone an audience to be rude and disrespectful. The comment said “surely Fr. you recognize she is not a valid Bishop” and that she and her congregation are not in communion with the “true church”. Wow. I’ve been trying to give the gentleman the benefit of the doubt regarding his comment, viewing religion from the perspective of his (I assume) Roman Catholic affiliation. But it actually got me thinking about how we view things in life.

If I only knew seasons from a life lived in the Southeast or the West coast, I would never know the ever changing, mostly beautiful and somewhat fickle, seasons of the Midwest. If I grew up in a Latino household, I would have experienced delicious food made with spicy chili peppers, but perhaps would never have experienced the aroma of pasta with herbs, olive oil and freshly grated cheese. My experience wouldn’t be wrong, it would just be shaped by my familiarity with the seasons or food I have been exposed to. It should not diminish the experience someone else has had.

Stick with me on this. I am by no means saying because I am not aware of (or choose not to be aware of) a different opinion that makes my view acceptable. I am also not saying “if it feels right to you” then it’s ok. Choices and decisions are so much more complex than that. But I am saying that just because I see something from my world view, then it does not mean that everything and everybody else is wrong. Making an assumption like that might take research, discernment or guidance from someone who knows and understands the differences better than I do.

This past week, the first reading at daily Mass, or as you read them at home, was from the book of Sirach. This book of Wisdom advises us where to place our faith and hope, what things in life really matter and how we can trust in God, even during times of difficulty. The first reading for this weekend, Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time, was also from Sirach, and will be on Monday and Tuesday until we enter the season of Lent. The reading from Sirach 27: 4-7 grabbed my attention and has not let go.

“When a sieve is shaken, the husks appear; so do one’s faults when one speaks. As the test of what the potter molds is in the furnace, so in tribulation is the test of the just. The fruit of a tree shows the care it has had; so too does one’s speech disclose the bent of one’s mind. Praise no one before he speaks, for it is then that people are tested.”

Besides feeling the political embarrassment of the behavior in the White House on Friday, I have had a couple of other occasions this week that allowed me to watch others in a personal and broader landscape. Cliches like these seem true; “only time will tell”, “time reveals a persons true colors” or as in the gospel for today, “every tree is known by its own fruit.” (Luke 6: 39-45). There’s no room for judgement, at least by me, but watching and waiting to see an outcome or behavior can be helpful. It takes patience and it takes a decision on how to act or respond as it unfolds.

As I prepare for Lent this week and consider what I will do, or in some cases “give up”, I turn to the Rule of St. Benedict again this year. There is so much wisdom in The Rule for me, as a Benedictine Oblate, as I look at the areas of my life that need refinement, molding and reformation. The chapters on The Tools for Good Works and Humility are my favorite each year. I could try to live each Lent with the goal of practicing “your way of acting should be different from the world’s way” or “keep careful watch over all you do” and be challenged enough during these next 40 days. Then there is always the call to make more time for “holy reading” and prayer, which has been easier now not watching the news or TV. But I can do more! Lastly, Benedict’s guidance on moderation in speech, esteem for silence and listening remind me that I desire to make sure that the speech I use and the conversations I engage in reflect the desires of my heart. Will I fail? Absolutely. But giving more attention to my internal and external dialogue might bring about the more lasting change after Lent that I desire.

I invite you, if you are considering participating in Lenten observances of fasting, prayer and almsgiving, to reflect on the words I shared above from Sirach. Pick up a Bible and read segments of the book to reflect on for Lent and see what the Spirit might be calling you to consider this Lent. You might also consider joining me for my Lenten Night of Reflection on March 20 at 6:30 p.m. CT. I will have more information in the next week but have repeated my previous update below.

Wishing you abundant peace and a grace-filled and holy Lent, Deena

Reminder: A Lent Night of Reflection entitled “Make My Heart Like Your Heart: Encounter and Change of Heart” will be held on Thursday, March 20 from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Central Time. The suggested donation for the event is $19. I continue to think about the best registration process for this first offering but it might be as simple as a PayPal or Venmo payment. During the event we will reflect on the things in the world that consume our heart and attention, our need and desire to give and receive forgiveness, and ways that we can pour out our love to God in a personal and sincere way. I am excited to offer this and I hope you will be able to join me. Thank you to those who have let me know you are interested! For now, you can email me, private message me if you are interested.

Blog image: A scenic window view in Santarem, Portugal

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Simple Joy

On By dpavinatoIn a life of joy, A life worth living, Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Jubilee Year of Hope, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, Seeing things in a new way, Spiritual Journey, spiritualityLeave a comment

On Friday as I was preparing to drive back home after a doctor appointment, I remembered that the Chicago Cubs Spring Training game was about to begin. I opened the sports app on my phone and clicked on the game. I was immediately treated to images of sunshine, short sleeves, people enjoying the day on the outfield grass areas and players warming up on the field. Then I heard the voices of the announcers, it was like hearing the voice of a friend that you haven’t talked to in a long time. As I drove home and listened to the game, I was filled with a lightness and feeling of normalcy that I haven’t felt in a long time. For a few hours, the world disappeared in the background.

Earlier in the week I opened an email from National Geographic with a stunning photo of a young student in India running down a steamy railroad track in the Ghum station of the Darjeeling Himalayan Railway. The writer/photographer (Sara Hylton) was writing of this experience in India. She has been living there, escaping life in the West after the death of her father. In that instant the figure caught her attention and she captured the photo of the young boy. She stated that her journey of grief, and daily activities in India, transformed her. She learned that “it’s that what comes next will bring its own magic. New colors, more light, waiting to be revealed.”

Fortunately, as of 5 a.m. this morning, Pope Francis was reported to have had a “peaceful ninth night” in the Gemelli Hospital in Rome. The news of his illness has been of a great concern to me, my friends and the world. Pope Francis is a pervasive voice of hope, love, peace and care for the world, especially those in need. We need his voice now more than ever. I worry for his health and well-being, but for the world if we lose this great shepherd.

The news with the disturbing images of chainsaws and gloating posts of migrants detained in chains with the comment “this will make you feel good” can send me over the edge. How can this possibly make anyone feel good? As mentioned last week, I have been staying away from the news. But even in an attempt to find and share something positive on social media, the glaring images overwhelm the page, resulting in less time spent there as well. As a result, life has become more quiet and peaceful each evening in my home. I enjoy the silence for reading and reflection. I even began a jigsaw puzzle! Although I can’t say that that has been a stress free experience! My friend, Cindy, assures me I will develop a process and rhythm to putting puzzles together. I will focus on that bit of encouragement.

So, where do we find relief? I suggest in the simple joys of watching the sunrise or sunset, with each sunset getting later and later each day. I dream of my plants that will begin to emerge with warmer days. My heartbeat calms watching the total bliss and carefree spirit of a sleeping cat. I look forward to meeting with a friend to discuss her plans for her trip to Italy (and potentially my own). I began reorganizing kitchen cabinets this week. I may not be able to control the chaos in the world but I can create order in the small details of my life and home. As St. Teresa of Avila is quoted as saying “The Lord walks among the pots and pans”.

In this book, The Joy of Discipleship, Pope Francis, says “Dear friends, be glad! Do not be afraid of being joyful! Don’t be afraid of joy….” Speaking of the joy that comes from closeness to God, from God’s presence in our lives, he encourages us not to be afraid of this joy and share it with others. I believe that joy comes to us in plain and uncomplicated ways if we are open to seeing it.

I invite you to consider the simple ways that you can find joy and peace each day. They may be things that you are doing every day. Linger in them just a moment longer. Notice and be present to them offering a word of gratitude for them. I am convinced that in doing so, we will see and experience moments such as these even more.

Wishing you abundant joy and peace, Deena

Reminder: A Lent Night of Reflection entitled “Make My Heart Like Your Heart: Encounter and Change of Heart” will be held on Thursday, March 20 from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Central Time. The suggested donation for the event is $19. I continue to think about the best registration process for this first offering but it might be as simple as a PayPal or Venmo payment. During the event we will reflect on the things in the world that consume our heart and attention, our need and desire to give and receive forgiveness, and ways that we can pour out our love to God in a personal and sincere way. I am excited to offer this and I hope you will be able to join me. Thank you to those who have let me know you are interested! For now, you can email me, private message me or add a comment to this post on my website adding “Retreat” to the beginning of your comment and I won’t approve (or will hide) that comment to be shown on the website.

Confusing times

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, Life of purpose, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, surrender, surrender novenaLeave a comment

Christmas in July for sales and TV Hallmark movies, Halloween in September and then Christmas sales bulldoze over Thanksgiving. I haven’t decorated for Christmas yet. Actually Thanksgiving decor, now that Halloween has been taken down, to mix in with other Fall items, are still in the tub on the floor. That’s a task for Monday. But I opened an email this weekend from a crafting company I follow to find a sale on Valentine’s Day stamps and paper. I understand that companies want us to have what we need when we are ready to mentally prepare for, shop or decorate, and begin planning for a holiday. When I was more active with my stamping business I knew you had to order new items early so that you could share them with others, so they had time to order and use them. I get it!

Yesterday my friend, Kathy, and I took a drive to check out a bakery I have wanted to visit (the seasonal task of finding the perfect Potica has begun!) and then visited a nursery and another local shop to browse Christmas decorations. I am not ready to put decorations up until after Thanksgiving but I love getting ideas and smelling the smells of greens, candles and coffee. I can get excited just like, maybe even more, than the next person!

But Valentine’s Day before we even reach December 1. I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous!

We are also in a confusing time of transition with the government. Half of our country voted for change, a few dollars in the wallet, but at what cost? I am concerned that we have lost a deep respect for the dignity and rights of all people and for our constitution. Will we really see a protection of the lives of the unborn as promised but only to exclude the protection of those seeking safety, a better future for themselves and their families? I don’t know the answers. I do know I can’t watch the news to find out, it’s too disturbing to my inner peace. Instead I pray and hope. As a Benedictine Oblate, I keep the words of St. Benedict close to my heart and strive to welcome Christ in all others, regardless of our differences and opinions.

Personally I am in a season of change and transition too, leaving a ministry team I was part of for the past three years. What lies ahead? I’m not sure. I’m excited but if I get too far ahead of myself, like Valentine’s Day in November, I get stressed out. To prepare myself, I began praying a Surrender Novena last week, so that I could end it on the transition day, November 19, from this life to the next, of Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo, the author of the novena. It reminds me daily that we worry about things we can’t control, we allow ourselves to get agitated and fret, focused on the transitory aspects of life. Of course we do what we can do with what we have, we live our lives as best we can. But, the way to peace is to surrender and trust in God.

This weekend, the week before the Solemnity of Christ the King, and two weeks from the First Sunday of Advent, beginning a new liturgical year, we are reminded that none of this lasts. Jesus says, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.” (Mark 13: 24-32) So we live in the world but are not of it. We enjoy the blessings we have been given and the beauty of this earth, realizing that none of it really belongs of us. If I don’t wake up tomorrow, all that I have will not change that. None of it goes with me. We use our gifts and talents so that we have more joy, discover and fulfill the purpose we have been given, but we use those gifts knowing we are meant to serve with them, to serve God and to serve others. These final Sundays of the liturgical year remind us to be watchful and alert, and to put our attention on the things that last.

As we move through the rest of November I invite us all to be aware of the gifts we have been given, the blessings of good friends and family. Celebrate those at Thanksgiving! Then enter into the Advent season, quietly preparing your heart to recall the gift of the Incarnation, God becoming one with us. Try to find moments to pause and reflect on scripture or Advent chants and carols. It truly makes the celebration of Christmas and the New Year, the Solemnity of Mary, more meaningful and joyful.

Take it slow, one day at a time, breathe and pause to give thanks, or ask for the grace to remain calm, despite all the preparations and crazy pace of the season. The simple act of giving thanks each evening, whether in a journal or as part of your evening prayer, heightens your awareness of the gift that life is and the people who walk with you through it. Let us be intentional as we move through these remaining day of 2024 about being at peace, enjoying each day we have been given and celebrating all we have. Things will never be perfect in our lives or in the world, so let us turn back to God, like the healed leper that returned to Jesus to give praise and thanks, knowing that it is all gift anyway.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Enjoy a moment of calm with a natural fountain at the Nicholas Conservatory and Gardens. Let it be a reminder to “go with the flow”.

Despair can turn to hope

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Catholic faith, Coming home to myself, contemplation, hope and healing, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, sacred waiting, spiritual freedom, spiritual healing, Spiritual Journey2 Comments

During my mother’s hospital stay, after falling and needing neck/spinal cord surgery then rehab, she mentioned a lump on her neck which the biopsy indicated was cancer. We left the hospital on Saturday with an appointment to meet with a doctor and discuss cancer treatment the following Monday. I was so fortunate that I worked from home and for two amazing women, Brigid and Trish, who understood that sometimes I would be working from the cancer center and that there might be interruptions during the day to care for my mom. I couldn’t have had a better situation at that time, the flexibility so helpful for her two-year battle and the care it required.

After she died I was in a deep despair. I went through the motions of work and the holidays. My mother lived with me, so everything in this house reminded me of her. I would get up from my desk and look toward her chair or the dining room table, as if still checking on her to see how she was doing.

The following January we had an organizational change at work and I was asked to meet with the new director of our department and discuss a supervisor role for the support team for our department that were working in a local customer service center. I met with him, instantly liked him, and he asked me to consider the job. I said that I enjoyed working from home, being productive in the quiet of my home office versus constant activity of a customer service center and asked whether it would be possible for me to work at 2-3 days from home and visit the center and the team the other days. He said yes and we agreed that I would begin the new role. The Friday before I was to begin he called to say that he thought about it and felt that my presence with the team would be required 5 days a week. I was so disappointed and thought about quitting but convinced myself to give it a try. It was exactly what I needed but it took me a few months to see it. Being somewhere else, outside of my house, forced me into new rhythms and being with others. The job gave me a team to care about and make changes that the organization wanted. I had tasks to focus on. I had to trust that life was going to be ok for me again. I had to turn to hope as the way out of my pain.

I read a beautiful post this week by poet and author, David Whyte, (from his book Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words) who describes despair as a haven, a last protection, “a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest; it is a loss of horizon, it is the place we go when we do not want to be found in the same way anymore.”

He goes on to say that the “antidote to despair is not to be found in the brave attempt to cheer ourselves up with happy abstracts, but in paying a profound and courageous attention to the body and the breath, independent of our imprisoning thoughts and stories, even, in paying attention to despair itself, and the way we hold it, and which we realize, was never ours to own and to hold in the first place.”

If you are feeling despair for any reason this week, please honor that within your spirit. Take the time you need to honor the healing that is required. Don’t run from it. Don’t brush away the feelings as if they don’t exist. Breathe and find ways to honor your body, your spirit and what you need to feel energized again. When you are ready, find activities that nourish your spirit. Be with like-minded people. Ignore negativity as best you can. Realize that true healing only occurs by going through and not around the source of the wound or hurt. Move forward with compassion and curiosity.

Then when you are ready offer the light you are to others. Be a source of hope. We need it now more than ever!

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Butters in his happy place. If you have one, watch your cat or dog, they embody resilience!

Daily fidelity and sincerity

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, contemplation, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, sacred seeing, Spiritual JourneyLeave a comment

I think I have mentioned it before, but I love to watch sports! Baseball, football, basketball, tennis, and, this summer, soccer was added to the list as I watched the women’s USA team compete in the Olympics. I grew up watching sports in our family home. So, I was delighted this week when Caitlin Clark was named Rookie of the Year for the Women’s National Basketball League. Caitlin shattered records when she played for the University of Iowa and it seems her professional career is on the same trajectory. I admired her grace in defeat during college playoffs. In this case it feels like the “good guy” (gal) wins!

I enjoy the stories of endless hours of practice and honing skills in the sport. The players, regardless of the sport, share their determination to improve, in order to be great at the game. I heard a broadcaster say, during last night’s LA Dodger game, that Shohei Ohtani is really seeing the ball, he is zoned in, so to speak, so is batting very well. Ohtani is a pitcher, and the Dodgers designated hitter, in a time that pitchers no longer bat during baseball games, and has second highest number of home runs in Major League Baseball.

I believe that prayer, and our lives of faith, are the same way. We can’t hope to become mystics and great contemplatives overnight, if at all! Any habit that we want to incorporate into our lives takes daily focus and attention. We can’t give up when it’s hard or when it doesn’t feel like it’s working. I told someone this week that the “endgame” for me was to feel that every day was walking on sacred ground, to feel connection and union, to see life as holy. All of it, messy and serene. I have muddied the waters by having big expectations of the outcome or the way it was supposed to feel. Now I simply want union – God talks, I listen as best as I can, I talk and God always listens. The daily fidelity to that practice, just like any relationship, brings about the change. Over time we become more focused on our union with God, we get zoned in.

In her book, Ordinary Mysticism, Mirabai Starr, says that our intention to walk the mystical path is being open and willing to see the sacred in the everything and everyone around us. Contemporary mystic, James Finley, says our only intention, in the spiritual life, is that union. He says that our prayer, our union, is a thread between us and God. The thread will break many times, on our end, as we get pulled away by the distractions of life, but it never breaks on God’s end.

Yesterday morning I stood on the patio with the cats and watched a flock of geese in perfect formation. I’ve seen geese flying hundreds of times but yesterday I was reminded of the perfection in creation, that the geese know how and when to fly, that they trust the divine timing of nature. They aren’t worried about who is in front, or whether there are reservations or food when they get to their destination. Perhaps they don’t even know the destination! The moment was holy, I was standing on sacred ground. I want endless moments of seeing life that way.

Wishing you abundant peace, Deena

Photo: Another holy moment during a trip to Anderson Japanese Gardens in Rockford, IL

Notice what you are noticing

On By dpavinatoIn discernment, Doing what we love, Every day Catholic, Life of purpose, mindfulness, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journey3 Comments

At times during the week a topic for this blog will evolve and begin to take shape. It might be a book, a quote, a class I took, etc. But a thought emerges and I ruminate on it throughout the week. Some Sunday mornings I wake up and ask for inspiration. Then there are days like today, well, weekends really, that I am bombarded with similar ideas from random places. I could journal for weeks on the things that have captured my attention!

One of the books I ordered to read this weekend is Discovering Your Dream by Gerald Fagin, SJ. It’s a little primer on an Ignatian approach to discernment and decision-making. I didn’t have anything specific in mind regarding discernment, just to continue to learn more about the topic. As I mentioned last week, it’s an ongoing process in life. Fagin says “discernment presupposes that life is a mystery to be lived out, not a problem to be solved.” People use the words spirituality, prayer, meditation and discernment so freely today it can be difficult to find things that will be useful or beneficial to personal and spiritual growth. One of the things I have found helpful is the adage to “notice what you are noticing”. God is at work in the people, encounters, situations and dare I say, even the things we read, around us. God is at work, personally, in my heart and in yours, each and every day.

I couldn’t help think about the mystery and unfolding of God in the events of Maria Shriver’s life as I read her Sunday Paper today. She revealed a meditation she had while in Cambodia, regarding birthing a new version of herself, and then a visit to the hospital with her daughter upon their return. While waiting outside, she helped a nurse deliver a baby in the parking lot! She concludes with a suggestion that every day is a chance to begin again or birth a new version of ourselves. She also mentioned that maybe God is trying to get her attention…notice what you are noticing.

Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation, Evolving Faithfully, today acknowledges that everything is and keeps changing, that God “keeps creating things from the inside out”. He surmises that many people want instant or quick solutions versus a “universal pattern of growth and healing—which always includes loss and renewal. This is the way that life perpetuates itself in ever-new forms: through various changes that can feel like death.” It’s a helpful reflection for me as I look at what is happening in the world, both in the environmental and political landscape, as well as the evolving aspects of my self, the parts that I want to let go of and the parts I want to birth.

As you pay attention to the changing aspects of who you are and who you want to be, pay attention to those who stand in your circle, your “tribe” or supporting cast. In today’s Gospel, Mark 6: 1-6, Jesus is “amazed at the lack of faith” of those around him. He is in his home town and surrounded by people that have watched him heal and work miracles, yet, they question the things he says to them.

I appreciated Diana Butler Bass’ reflection today, Sunday Musings, regarding their unbelief. She suggests that unbelief isn’t an idea about God but a “disposition of the heart”. She says that Jesus was amazed at the lack of trust they had or their inability to have faith, he was alone and perhaps, Diana says, a little heart-broken. But the highlight of the post was: “The truth is that we need others to rise to our fullest abilities; there are certain things that can only be done with the love and trust of those committed to being there with and for us…Faith and trust are necessary for wisdom, to heal what is wounded, to cast out injustice, and to care for all those in need. Ideology will only divide us more deeply. Those idea-tribes are killing us, separating us.”

As we listen to and become more aware of the desires of the heart that emerge in prayer and reflection, we must also acknowledge the parts that are ready to fall away. We look also for the places and people that stand with us and encourage us rather than hold us back. We may not receive support from everyone, but life’s too short for less than this.

Lastly, consider reading my friend, and author, Judith Valente’s blog post today on a “well-lived life”. As all of these thoughts tumble around in my head this week I will continue to ponder the essence of Judith’s theme to keep focusing on things that bring meaning and passion while considering what a well-lived life might actually mean for me. It’s an excellent read, I hope you take the time to consider Judith’s musings and consider what a “life well-lived” might mean for you as well.

Then this week, notice what you are noticing…Deena

Image: The “Devotion” or Giboshi (refers to the finial used on the bridge and posts) Bridge at Anderson Japanese Gardens was recently reopened after a multi-year restoration process of curing and air-drying the Alaskan Yellow Cedar and then constructing the bridge. Our docent advised us that as we crossed the bridge we were invited to leave the dust of the world behind us, inviting us to a time of peace and serenity during our stay in the Gardens.

A call to pause

On By dpavinatoIn Benedictine Oblate, Daily Prayer, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, sacred listening, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journey2 Comments

As I prepared to write this, reviewing my notes and ideas, the bells rang calling those attending 10 a.m. Mass to hurry along and, then again, to mark the top of the hour. I hear the bells every day, from my parish church at the end of the block that I live on, but especially now with more windows open and time spent outside attending to my plants. They remind me of the bells at the monastery. They remind me of a call to pause and say a prayer. They remind me of some words of Sr. Joan Chittister in her book, The Monastic Heart, that were also used as part of a reflection a couple of weeks ago in our weekly email update from Sr. Joan.

Joan said, “The purpose of Benedictine bells is not to spell out the hour of the day at all; that task is left to horologists. Our bells, on the other hand, are there to wrench our attention back to what is really important in life: the memory of God in our midst. The memory of the purpose of life. The memory that time is moving on and so must we. The recognition that life today is different than yesterday, and we must not try to hold life back. The bells jog the memory that there are actually more important, more meaningful, more demanding dimensions of life than anything ordinary we can possibly be doing as they ring. The bells stop us in midflight to prod us to ask ourselves again if what we are doing is what we are really meant to be doing.”

It’s true that the bells also call us to remember the great concerns of life, such as caring for the poor and people in need, or comforting the sick or grieving. We must ask whether we aware of the concerns of our brothers and sisters in areas of the world ravaged by war, weather or persecution? But they also cause me to pause and look at what I am doing in the moment, is it important? Does it matter? Am I living my vocation in life?

This week I had several opportunities to pause and slow down, to look at my self-care, nurturing or self-compassion. My friend Kate Brown taught a workshop, “Nurture and Grow: Cultivating Self-Compassion in a Turbulent World.” We considered ways to be more compassionate to ourselves and that in doing so we build a reservoir to compassion to give to others. We discussed being more mindful vs mind full and the importance of finding a community of like-minded individuals that will support and encourage us and then we in turn for each other. We also discussed embracing our imperfections and the importance of accepting ourselves, where and who we are at this moment.

Speaking of imperfections, yesterday was my monthly creative journaling workshop and our topic was “Resistance, Joy and Self-Compassion.” Resistance and judgement in our creative endeavors is definitely the thief of joy! We experimented with drawing ovals, faces and a drawing ourselves from a selfie taken during class. Lisa encouraged us to break resistance by doing a little bit of creative art or journaling every day, to make little promises to ourselves to commit to our creativity. But it can be so hard to find and set aside the time for our own self-nurturing. Am I willing to commit to doing so?

Church, convent and monastery bells have provided this reminder to pause to countless men and women throughout the centuries. For some reason, the bells were a soothing reminder this morning of all of the women who have guided me throughout my life. When I remember my mother on this Mother’s Day, I remember a woman who worked harder than anyone I have ever met. I don’t know what she thought about self-nurturing or self-compassion, we never talked about it, at least not in those words. But I do know while she always gave of herself to others, she also knew how to relax and enjoy herself when the work was done, whether it was Saturday night dinners out with my father, their annual fishing trips to Minnesota or backyard gatherings with friends. I remember my “Noni” (Italian grandmother) and times spent with her, usually in the kitchen or the garden. I recall my aunt, a Franciscan sister, who encouraged me in ways that I didn’t realize fully at the time. The Benedictine sisters who invited me to learn more about the monastic life and community remain important witnesses to me of a life of purpose.

Pause for a few minutes today and consider the women who have influenced you in your life, whether mothers, grandmothers or nurturing women and role-models. Did they offer (or perhaps they are still alive and continue to offer) examples of self-care and compassion? Who does offer that reminder to you? Would you be willing, if you don’t regularly, to take a few minutes each day to find ways to embrace who you are and what you feel you need to live a life that supports your purpose and vision in life? Why not start now!

Wishing you abundant peace and compassion, Deena

Picture: of the bell tower at St. Mary Monastery in Rock Island, Illinois. I am an Oblate of this monastery.

A desire for freedom

On By dpavinatoIn Catholic faith, Daily Prayer, Every day Catholic, Life in the Spirit, mindfulness, spiritual freedom, Spiritual Journey, Teachers and Guides on the journeyLeave a comment

When I began the year I decided my “word of the year” was Fortitude. One of the practices I have incorporated in each new year, inspired by many authors and retreat leaders, has been to spend time asking questions and reflecting on the predominant quality or theme I want to grow in during the new year. I feel I lack discipline in many ways, so Fortitude came to mind. However, February has been a month of transitions and new learning, so it doesn’t feel right any longer. So, what word will it be? This week Freedom keeps coming to mind.

Last week I wrote about reflecting on the grace we seek before times of prayer, reflection or meditation. I am excited to begin Lent this week. I see Lent as a time of prayer, fasting and almsgiving that allows us to search our hearts. I have several practices that I hope to incorporate and new teachings to reflect upon. I have found that each of them touch on freedom (physical, emotional and spiritual) in some way, shape or form.

Yesterday was my monthly Creative, Visual Journaling class. Lisa invited us, as she gave us prompts to journal about, to be free of what we think is possible, from what has been part of our past experience and imagine the life we wish to live. We have to start with our mindset, Lisa challenged us. We have to change our minds to think about what is possible. Lisa believes that journaling helps us navigate change and transition, it “gives our subconscious mind the problem to solve”. So I embraced the freedom to imagine the life I want – the who, what, how of a life of using my authentic gifts, boldly and with joy.

Another teaching that has been weaving its way into my daily life and practice has been the desire to live more mindfully. The practice of mindfulness helps us be in the present moment, aware of what we are feeling, setting aside the scattered and distracting thoughts of “later”, “what if”, “how will I be able to?”, “why can’t I”, “should I?”, “how could they”… I am sure you have had similar lists. These thoughts do not serve us. A better way is to be in the moment, aware of the only thing we can be sure of, the present moment. I have read and studied many authors and teachers of mindfulness, Christian and Zen, but a review of mindfulness impacted me in a new way this month.

I shared in a Facebook post this month, that some of you may have seen, that I just began the third year of a Wisdom/Mystics program. The first year was Women Mystics and last year, Celtic Wisdom and Mystics. This year we are studying Modern Mystics. On the first Saturday of February we were blessed with the teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master and Buddhist teacher, by his student Kaira Jewel Lingo. Kaira Jewel is a teacher in her own right, given authorization to teach by Thich Nhat Hanh, after spending 15 years at Plum Village living and studying with him. Kaira Jewel is an author and teaches many programs, which you can find online or on apps, like Insight Timer.

A simple practice, one of many Kaira Jewel shared with us during our class, is to set the intention (i.e. in the language of my blog last month, name the grace) to be present for yourself. During our slow breath work as part of meditation, or you could do as part of Christian Centering Prayer, is to inhale “I have arrived” and exhale “I am home”. Kaira Jewel shared that we have to first come home to ourselves, to get to the root of our own suffering and to find unity and inter-being with all other persons and species. If “suffering” seems foreign to you, simply think of it as areas we have opportunities to be more aware of, to grow and let go of.

There have been a multitude of ways that the simple practice of returning to the breath, to the home of my body and spirit, has helped me this month. Has it been perfect? No! But I am learning. I tried to be more present listening to others. Instead of thinking of something outside the moment like a “to do” list, I tried to be attentive to what a person was saying to me. I have tried to be present to my physical pain, instead of reacting in anger or fear of it. Physical therapy seemed to go better this week! I have tried to think about why I am eating what I am eating, especially when it is an attempt to stuff down some other feeling or issue I would prefer to avoid. In a moment when I found myself reacting to someone, I came home to my anger and judgement and wondered why I was reacting to their words, then tried to have compassion and understanding for the person speaking, why they might be saying what they were saying.

Again, was it perfect? No, but perfection isn’t the goal, freedom is. Freedom from worry, anxiety, anger, judgment, etc is. All of those feelings do not change the situation so why do I view them as helpful? It was as if I learned that I had left my home unattended for years, just kept the heat on but the dust accumulated.

The leper in today’s Gospel for the Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time desired to be made clean, had the faith that Jesus could do it by his act of will. At that time the man’s leprosy was viewed as an outcome of his sin. So Jesus’ act of healing brought him back into his community, it freed him. Doesn’t our sin, judgment and separation from others do the same for us? We are saying, what I want is more important than what God wants for me or how I might be here for others. Our own need and desire trumps everyone else, including God. Desiring to be made whole, desiring freedom from sin and the accumulation of dust, moves us back into community, with God and others.

Author and dear friend, Judith Valente’s Sunday blog (found on Medium and on Facebook), reflecting on Lent and looking at it in a new way, asks us to examine similar questions, “can I take a hard look at the habits I’ve acquired over the past year that don’t serve me or others well? Can I make a conscious effort to let go of them, to make a fresh start?” Again, freedom, freedom to move beyond the habits of my past with a desire to live with more awareness of and for love for self and others. These questions will be part of my daily examen during Lent!

In her weekly email, and in preparation for our Lenten Retreat, “A Different Kind of Fast”, author Christine Valters Painter discusses the Three Renunciations of theologian of the early Christian Church, John Cassian. Christine says the third renunciation was one she found most powerful, and I would agree, as I read her description of them. The third calls us to “renounce even our images of God so that we can meet God in the fullness of that divine reality beyond the boxes and limitations we create.”

This renunciation challenges me to be free to sit with, be gazed upon by the God who desires to be with me. I can be home with God exactly as I am, knowing that I am loved. I can look at the areas that I hope to grow in greater love and compassion for others. I can desire a purging of old ways with the desire to make more room for God and love of others.

So this Lent, where do you desire greater freedom? What grace do you seek for these 40 days of “retreat”, a time to free yourself of habits that prevent you from listening to and responding to God’s call in your life? May it be a time of growth and greater freedom to love and serve with our lives.

May it bring you greater peace, Deena

Photo: One of the unfinished marble pieces, never freed from the stone, of Michelangelo in Florence.